The Secret Recipies of Iron Chef Boyardee

So here's the thing...

2010-05-18T20:51:00.000-07:00

Hello dead blog.

I'm a high school teacher now.

I went to grad school and Marylhurst, student taught at the Media Arts & Communications Academy, and was lucky enough to get in the sub pool down here, so I've been getting to teach and make a few yen... er, shekels... er, you get the idea.

I'm tired a lot. Who isn't?

Update for Gage and Jessica

2009-08-08T10:05:00.001-07:00

Hello friends in Germany!

This post will be about skunks, and I know few are interested in it save G&J. Tough.

Our skunks celebrated their third birthdays much like they do every day: with rough play, demands for food, and seeming to have more come out their back end then we put in their front end.

When we moved in to our new place, on moving day, our wonderful skunks managed to get into some planter bulbs that we had in an envelope in the kitchen. Being how they are, they shredded them and ate some (most likely). We packed them up and hauled them off to the new place, and they spent the first hour in our new home vomiting seven times between them. I'm not sure if it was the bulbs, the stress, or maybe they have the same thing I do where if you smell vomit you want to puke... so naturally we packed them back up and took an emergency trip to the vet.

Cramming them both into a single pet carrier (they do NOT currently get along AT ALL) was an adventure and resulted in about 15 minutes of skwaking and stomping from Aroma and Tobias looking out of the grate with a look that screamed "Get me out of here! She's crazy!!!" When they finally both got back into the exam room and had calmed down, she actually walked right up to Tobias, reached back, and slapped him across the head with her paw! The vet thought it was the funniest thing she'd seen in a while.

Anyway, it was fine, they're fine, but what was interesting is their weigh-in. Aroma had actually lost weight from the last time she had been in! She only weighted a little over 5 lbs. What was even wierder was Tobias, who clocked in at about 6.4! I was sure that Tobias was going to clock in at well over 10 lbs, but no! So we discussed altering the skunkie diet around here to try and put a little more weight on them. They weren't unhealthy, but they were constantly hungry (they're always hungry!), and having a little extra body weight is insurance for if they get sick or something.

So we've been feeding them more. a lot more protein, and a bit more of other stuff. It's worked wonders. I think we'll have to go back to the vet for a checkup, but Miss Aroma has put on a good amount of mass and isn't dwarfed by Tobias any more. She's still definitely smaller, but instead of looking like half his size, she maybe looks 85% or so. We've had to kind of scale their diet to respond to them individually, so we're still working on finding a good regular routine. Anyway, I thought you'd be amused that our meticulous attempts to make sure our skunks didn't get fat actually was quite successful, only more so than we intended.

Loads and burdens

2009-07-16T12:01:00.000-07:00

Other than the obvious, previously discussed reasons, one of the main reasons I don't post on my blog is the monotony of my day to day. It's monotonous like a hurricane is breezy, but regardless, it's repetitive and constant with little variation. What compounds it is that I know this isn't any different from any other graduate student, and I don't particularly like turning a blog post into a "woe is me" archive, nor do I especially desire commiseration. We're all busy. We all get stressed out. We all want the short term stresses and annoyances to go away, I'm no different. I think too often people like to list all the things they have piled on like they want someone else to come along and say "you poor dear".

I don't.

I just want to get done and get through. There's always something to take on next.

On Moving or: How I learned to stop worrying and love the Uhaul.

2009-06-08T10:57:00.000-07:00

So it looks like we're packing up and moving again. Another week or two with boxes and the refugee motif... Another round of "how the heck do you have so much crap?!?" and "Do you REALLY need a spare monitor from 1996?" and "Well I don't know, do you really need 5 pairs of black shoes?". Here's a secret: I actually kind of like moving. It's like pushing the reset button on your living space. It's a great excuse to throw accumulated junk and crap away. Last move I pulled a box out of storage, peeked in it, realized I hadn't needed anything in it like I thought I had from the previous move, and marched it right out to the dumpster.

Of course, moving means skunk proofing a new place. This is not as easy as it sounds. Imagine child proofing, only for something much smaller, much stronger, and an iron will To Get Into whatever it is that you're trying to keep it out of. It's like trying to build Stalag 17.

Best thing we ever did was hire movers last time. We did the packing ourselves and let pros do the lifting. Best money ever spent. Remember when you'd move with your friends, bribe them with pizza and it took forever, and you'd just be dead for a week after? We packed for a week beforehand, we got breakfast, and they came and knocked out our whole move, travel time included, in less than 3 hours for less than the price they quoted me! (I still gave the full amount and a tip, I was that impressed) So yeah, if you're in the market for movers, I know a guy. I can definitely recommend KC's Movers.

On Life Support

2009-03-29T02:38:00.000-07:00

My blog. How I have forsaken thee.

We've had some good times, but now that I'm older, and married, and doing school again, and then of course taking into consideration my always present laziness.... it's become a banner year for not posting on my blog. I just don't have as much of a need to have a conduit to paint my mind to the world in a public way. It's not you, dear blog, it's me. Facebook lets me be pithy and funny in short, near telegraph length bursts. Facebook lets me see what everyone else around me is up to, and be on my merry again in short order. But Facebook doesn't let me hone my edge of expression like you, dear blog.

On the other hand, I keep thinking I should write a book instead with this time and with my facebook and other time. But as ever, a muse escapes me. I'm kind of stuck on this blog thing. I am thinking that while facebook is easy... it's not as deep.

Progress report

2009-02-04T11:50:00.000-08:00

So, what have I been thinking about lately? More of a Meta list than anything else.

-Been thinking about poverty a lot, and how it perpetuates in a community across generations and in ethnic subgroups.

-School for me has been going really well. Good grades, good learning experiences, working with good people.

-Been spending a chunk of my online time on Facebook. It's been fun to see what some people from high school are up to now.

-I have a new student teaching assignment here in Newberg. It's a way better fit for me and as a bonus, is about 2 min from my house.

-I started a new diet that Audrey's been on. Stuck with it for two weeks. We'll see, steady as she goes.

-I love my skunks. Aroma has been subjected to Toby teaching himself how to be an alpha male, and he is occasionally mean to her. She'll put a foot out of line and he'll pounce on her to put her straight. What I can't figure out is that she'll scamper off and run right back for more five seconds later. That all changed about a week ago. Aroma got like J-Lo in that bad spousal abuse movie "Enough", and just started lashing out at Toby, stomping at him and giving him some of his own medicine.

They never actually fight, it's mostly posturing with Tobias hissing and Aroma grunting and squeaking. She can get pretty noisy for a skunk when she's mad. Aroma's also VERY VERY tricky. She's learned that "panicked squeak when mommy and daddy are out of the room means Toby gets in trouble". It took me a little to figure out that she makes her "ouch you jerk!" squeak without getting touched half the time. Now when she makes that noise, it likely means she's going after Tobias. Tobias, after getting to be a bully for a few months, doesn't know what to make out of being evicted from his hidey hole under the sink. He's taken up alternative residence in the bedroom closet. Occasionally she allows him back for midday nesting.

Christmas

2008-12-28T15:59:00.000-08:00

Bah. Humbug.

I think Gage said it best in the comment on my last post. For me the best part of this Christmas is remembering last Christmas and spending the time in chairs next to Aud's hospital bed. I slept poor, I ate poorer, and our apartment became a cesspool. (note: not because Aud's the only one that cleans it, because the skunk was the only one in it to do anything at all most of the time).

This Christmas, we were both off of school, I attending and Aud teaching. Grades came in, as did a blizzard, and we just hung out, watched period comedies and Shakespeare movies. I'm really not THAT cultured, it just seemed to be what were were in the mood for. I cooked, we ate, and we speculated when it might actually stop snowing.

We got about a foot of snow, and lots and lots of ice. Other parts of Portland got twice as much. This is not a big deal to people from colder parts of the country, but bear in mind that Portland has no snow removal plan or infrastructure, so it was quite paralyzing. Most of my work hours were taken up with shoveling snow and clearing the property. In fact, all of my office hours this last week were pre-empted with snow clearing. It didn't matter, since no one is coming by to see the manager when they can scarcely get out of their own driveway. The skunks have loved having mom and dad home for over a week solid, though it's wintertime and they're spending more daytime sleeping... except when Tobias thinks he can wrangle food out of us, though Aroma doesn't care much.

All in all, we didn't do a lot for Christmas, and we didn't want to. I wanted to hang out with my wife and family, and see some friends. Most of my friends are busy with their own spouses and families, but 2 out of 3 isn't bad! I just have started to hate the retail aspect of the holiday, and I get a little tired of some of the cheesier religious aspects, so having a Christmas on our own terms has been a relief, and a welcome change.

Happy holidays to you, friend.

Thanksgiving.

2008-12-01T14:07:00.000-08:00

So I cooked Thanksgiving dinner.

It was fun, I didn't do anything fancy. I got a young fresh turkey, and stuffed it with a traditional stuffing recipe. I made potatoes, bought some rolls, made gravy from the drippings, and made a pie from scratch. I made a simple pate brisée dough and snagged a recipe for pie filling. It was good, in the future I don't think I'll pre-bake the pie crust. It dried out a little more than I'd like.

I've made roast turkey before, so I wasn't afraid. The gravy turned out super good, though. I think it's because I layered bacon on the turkey while it roasted (not to eat, of course), and then had chopped onions in the drippings pan, so the turkey drippings and bacon drippings got freaky-deaky with the onions and resulted in a magnificent passport to deliciousness.

Grad school is not what I thought it would be.

2008-11-25T10:13:00.000-08:00

I am never one for preconceived notions, preferring to let things be what they are. But it's impossible sometimes to not have a hope or an ideal. I guess it would be inaccurate to say I'm disappointed with graduate school, it's just not what I hoped it would be. There are many things to chalk this up to, the largest being that I'm in a brand new program, and my cohort is only the second to begin the program, but nevertheless, I'd be lying if I said there wasn't some disappointment.

First, the classes are still large (my smallest is about 25 other students, largest clocks in around 60). This pretty much returns me to the old undergrad days of observing a fractured discussion because nobody in a class that large wants to be monopolizing the conversation. It also means that people lag behind.

Second, it's easy The hardest part of grad school is managing work, family, and school... not the school work itself. I read articles, I write about them, I design lesson plans, I do projects, and none of it is much of a brain buster. My last year or two of college were challenging, but school has always been easy. I wish it were harder, because I don't like being bored.

Lastly, while all of my professors have copious amounts of teaching experience and school administration, making them experts in their field, many of them are teaching adults for the first time. It shows.

Did nothing change?

2008-10-03T11:32:00.000-07:00

I watched the vice presidential "debate" last night online after I got home from class.

Are. You. Kidding. Me?

What a pathetic excuse for anything. They should have just had them record 10 minute commercials with easily accessible sound bites. The whole thing came off pathetically rehearsed, woefully short on actual information, actual plans or positions on issues were mostly absent beyond soundbite moralizing. Example, the war in Iraq (anyone actually remember we're at war?)

Biden's words:

"Barack Obama offered a clear plan. Shift responsibility to Iraqis over the next 16 months. Draw down our combat troops,"

This is vague, broad, general, and basically... a piss poor excuse for a "plan". I feel hesitant to call it a plan, until you contrast it with the other party in the debate.

That would be Sarah Palin, who, when asked to outline her ticket's plan for Iraq said:

"I know that the other ticket opposed this surge, in fact, even opposed funding for our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. Barack Obama voted against funding troops there after promising that he would not do so,"

This is, basically, no plan at all, choosing instead to attack your opponent's record. If you go to factcheck.org, you'll see that this attack was even innacurate and misleading, Obama opposed one funding bill in support of different funding bill for the millitary. McCain, by the way, opposed that funding bill, so by the same definitions and reasoning, McCain has also voted against funding our troops.

So that's the election in a nutshell, folks. Questionable ideas versus no ideas at all. And once again we're reduced to choosing the evil of two lessers. I get why people choose their candidates. I even get why the candidates themselves spew that crap: we let them. Actually stating a definitive position on an issue makes you vulnerable to attack. I just don't understand why we put up with this crap and drivel. It's insulting to anyone with an IQ over 70. It's insulting to call yourself a "maverick" when you've voted in step with the administration of the last 8 years. It's insulting to repeatedly make promises of change with little to no actual statements of how you're going to change it.

I can't respect you, John McCain, you used to have some guts, now the same sad sacks who ran Bush appear to be running you. You're saying the exact same things he's been saying for 8 years, and I'm supposed to believe when you say that you'll be different? How stupid do you think I am?

I have a hard time respecting you, Barack Obama, because while you are saying things I can believe in, belief doesn't run a government. Policy does. Vague generalized statements don't bring change, plans do. Organized intelligent plans with capable leadership bring change. Obviously I like you and I guess you've got my vote, but I have doubts you can actually do anything you're saying. But at this point I think anything other than 4 more years of the same crap we've had for the last 8 would be better.

So yeah, I get it. You like your babies unaborted, want your guns, and think that wearing a flag pin and "supporting the troops" means you have to vote Republican. Or you think that any big business is out to exploit and harm the poor, or that it's the government's job to right any ill in our society, or you think that illegal immigrants are just oppressed people who are only here to work and find the American dream and that all means that you have to vote Democrat. Go for it.

Contrast in extremes and sensetivity

2008-09-17T11:12:00.000-07:00

So, I was thinking about a conversation that I had once with a colleague when I was a social worker, and we talked about how that when you see horrific things people do to themselves and each other, you can obviously get a little desensitized. You have to, to be able to help people get past them, because a certain part of recovery is desensitization to the event. This is what most people call "getting over it". What was interesting is that even though we have seen and heard incredible things, we all had pet peeves among things we saw or were exposed to, that still effected us. What was interesting is that it wasn't things that we'd commonly expect. This topic was opened up to more people from my team at a lunch, and the trend continued. You'd expect obvious things like spousal abuse or drug addiction to be the pet peeves, but it wasn't the case. We also rarely saw any cases of child abuse, and when we did, we were on the phone to police and social services toot sweet (no messing around on that one), so that one didn't come up as much as you thought.

Instead, it was things like:

People who choose not to clean. (I emphasize choose, not "be too ill to")
People who talk and talk and talk about going to meetings, and talk about needing to change, but don't ever actually try.
Video poker. There is some kind of wierd underground corellation between video poker in Oregon and meth addicts. I wish I knew what it was.
County employees who can't return a phone call. There is some kind of county policy in place that you are not allowed to return phone or email messages.

As it turned out, and it surprised me a little, mine was animal abuse. Every now and then there were random occurances of it, and it royally pissed me off every time I was exposed to it. It only amplified when we got the skunks. I think for me, it's the knowledge that an animal is completely reliant on its owner and has no higher brain function. An animal can't ask for help, doesn't understand, and if you haven't bothered to train it or raise it right, it doesn't know any better. I guess it hits the same nerve for me that child abuse hits. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to be a vegetarian or join PETA anytime soon, but I also know the difference between running a slaughterhouse and sadism ( http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/09/16/abused.pigs.ap/index.html ) I also know that there's a statistically high correlation between those that abuse animals and those that commit violent acts on people, to the point that it's a major red flag when it occurs in children.

So anyway. What's the point? There isn't one I guess. I just like animals, that's all.

2008-09-12T10:06:00.000-07:00

I guess growing up in fairly middle class suburbia in the Pacific Northwest, I got the typical “You WILL go to college and become successful!” indoctrination as I grew up. I went to college, did the suit and nametag thing for two years, and dropped out. I went to work for a small software company doing bug testing and content for a company that made ESL teaching software. It was okay as entry level jobs go, but the company treated its bottom level employees like dirt, which I always thought was strange for a small company (only about 40 employees). I left that job to work at Novell, which treated their employees incredibly, with onsite banking, a subsidized cafeteria, great offices, and was right across from a golf course. Everyone working at Novell during the .com crash era walked around with this permanent shell-shocked look on their face, expecting layoffs around any corner. When mine came, I finally decided to go back to school, accomplishing the Tommy Boy plan of getting my bachelor’s in 8 years.

I graduated, moved home with nothing in my pocket (fortunately, no student loans either, though). I got a job in my field of expertise, mental health. I worked in adolescent addictions, then corrections addictions, and finally case management in acute community mental health. People have heard plenty of my war stories about the highs and lows of working with the severely mentally ill. While I loved my jobs (still do), and I love the field, it’s a really bad industry to be in, at least out on the west coast. Companies are unstable at best and corrupt at worst, and the governmental agencies involved are inept and bloated. It’s a really broken system, and too volatile to depend on for a career.

So here I am about to go to grad school to make a career change. I’ve always enjoyed teaching, whether it was teaching missionaries Japanese or teaching groups in rehab or prison, so teaching high school didn’t seem like a huge leap, and something I could find rewarding. I realized when I did the thinking about making this move that I was doing it for these basic reasons:

1 – Job stability.
As a teacher, once you have tenure, I’d basically have to do drugs with or have sex with a student to lose my job. This appeals, as I’ve spent a good chunk of time in some pretty volatile industries.
2- Pay.
If I keep teaching, I will get paid more. I’ve never been huge on money. I like to travel, but I like to do it on the cheap. I’ve figured having an income in the 50-60k range would be alright as long as the cost of living wasn’t too high in my area of residence.
3- Enjoyment
I would enjoy what I do on a day to day basis. I don’t think anyone is happy all the time in their job. The two guys I know who “made it” to the NFL hated their “job”. There’s always something that we don’t like about our jobs. I know there will be things I don’t like about teaching, but the basic premise of discovery and learning and helping people through the learning process is something I’ve always loved.

That got me thinking again about the educational process, and the push in America to “go to college and become a success!”, and we’re fed a bunch of statistics about how people with college degrees make more in their lifetimes. I think perhaps those results are skewed, though. It doesn’t take into account how much you owe, as nearly everyone with an advanced degree is carrying 30k-120k in loan debt. You also have a statistically smaller sample size, with the bulk of the wealth in America concentrated in it. Sure I have a degree, but Mark Cuban’s billions are being averaged with mine, it makes my income look a lot more respectable than it is. I think if you’re going to college because you think that’s what you need to do to become successful, you’re making a mistake.

If your goal is to make money and support your family, I think a person’s initiative and intelligence will carry them a lot further than a BA in English will. Do you know how much a commercial electrician makes? Lots! A trim carpenter? Tons! A certified HVAC technician makes a heck of a lot more than I ever will, and they don’t even need a high school diploma!

Obviously, a degree is worth something and working to better one’s self is important, but I wonder when it was that we, as a society, stopped valuing actual work. Economically we sure as heck haven’t stopped valuing blue collar work (have you gotten your car repaired lately?). But somehow you’d be viewed as an underachiever if you went in to your guidance councilor and said “I wanna be an auto mechanic”, like it’s something that only dropouts go and do. Granted, we’ve all met some pretty stupid mechanics or drywall guys or whatever, but on the other hand, if you were someone who could read, write, communicate well, and actually responsibly keep a schedule, do you know how much of a killing you could make as a contractor? I’ve occasionally thought about just chucking the whole school thing and starting a contracting company (the motto: “We actually return a phone call and show up when we say we’re going to”)

I’m going into teaching because I’d enjoy what I do on a day to day basis, and I could pay the bills and hopefully someday buy a house. Most of the rest of my life goals lie outside of things that take money to do. Obviously I could come up with ways to spend a million bucks easily, I’m not Gandhi. But I guess one thing I missed when I was growing up was perspective. To understand why I’m doing what I do, and how the choices I make affect my ability to do what I wish. Now that I have a decent amount of it, I guess that makes me a grownup now. Who would have thought it of me?

Chrysalis

2008-08-26T09:53:00.000-07:00

So, went to a friend's wedding this weekend. It was tons of fun, a joyous occasion, a celebration of love. It was also a chance to spend time with some dear friends whom I haven't gotten to see much of. Going to our friend Michelle's wedding meant getting to pal around Seattle with Emily and Paul, which resulted in nice long talks and periods of reflection. About who we are, who we were, what has changed, what hasn't. How we've been bridging the gap between becoming... and being. If you're one of my Portland friends, chances are you know some of the story. We were a merry band of misfits and artists, and we came together in a spirit of connection and camaraderie. We all went to the same church, which afforded us ample fodder for discussion, as well as easy outlets for social interaction.

Time passed.
Some of us got married (guilty).
Some of us got careers.
Some of us went and pursued additional education.
Some of us fled the country, in search of enlightenment, truth, or in search of Self.
Some of us found their lifestyle or beliefs incompatible with the religion we all shared, and don't go to the church we once all went to, and have found other outlets for spiritual discovery.

So we were essentially flung to the four corners of the earth, or at least across a few states in this country. Some of us, most of us really, aren't as close as we used to be. This, as they say, is life. But going to Michelle's wedding with Paul and Emily brought together a cross section from our group of friends and got me to think about what's passed. As I am prone to do, I think many things about us and our various lifestyles and situations, but I think for once I'll put a few of these thoughts out there.

I realized that I don't particularly care so much about what people do, as long as they're being authentic and genuine with who they are and what they want. Michelle cut off contact with us for a long time. She did it in order to find herself and do what she needed to do to become the person she is now. I understood it then, I get it now, and while I was sad for a time that talking to Meesh was not going to be possible, I don't begrudge her the necessity of it. I got married during that time. I remembered on the drive up to Seattle that because of the circumstances of our lives, Meesh wasn't able to be there. Of course, Meesh brought this up at her rehearsal dinner with a certain degree of regret and sorrow. I don't regret it in the slightest, and I told her so. I fumbled about trying to explain why, and while I got my point across, I think I can say it a little more eloquently now.

We are, all of us, bridging the gap between becoming and being. This takes many forms. And while I don't agree with many decisions my friends make, I don't agree with all of the decisions I even make for myself, so how could I hold it against them? I don't begrudge the caterpillar it's cocoon, it has to have it to become a butterfly. I don't begrudge Paul leaving the church any more than I do Emily going to India, as long as the end result is authentic. Even our mistakes are necessary. I don't regret some of the stupider dating choices I've made, because if I hadn't made them, I couldn't be where I'm at now, in love and married. I celebrate the choices Meesh has made because spending time with her I saw a lot happier, peaceful, content, genuine Michelle than I ever saw when she was going to the same church as me and dating my gender. I've pretty much always felt this way about most things that people do. I tend to have problems when people say one thing, and do another (guilty). I tend to have problems when people make lifestyle choices that aren't about exploring and connecting to themselves, but doing something different because they think it'll make them happy.

If you're not happy and fulfilled now, getting married isn't going to make you happier. If you don't have a good marriage now, having kids isn't going to fix it. If you're lost and uncertain about your sexuality, going to a church to have them tell you what to do isn't going to help you find your way. I personally don't care what you do, as long as it's what you feel you must do to get to where you want to go. If you're my friend, it's because I think enough of who you are that I'm interested in what roads you take, where you're going, and what you think about it. I mean think about it. None of us are where we were 5 years ago when we all met. While we're all in vastly different places, physically, spiritually, and otherwise, I think it's pretty safe to say just about all of us are happier. That's not bad.

New Skunk!

2008-08-14T14:04:00.000-07:00

We adopted a skunk from a close friend of ours who is moving out of the country. Her name is Aroma. She's a very pretty skunk.
So it's been a fun adjustment for all of us. Tobias has NOT enjoyed bringing another skunk into his territory, even if it's a pretty girl skunk. He spent a lot of time in his hidey hole under the bathroom sink sulking. Aroma has taken up residence under the living room couch. When mealtime rolls around, Aroma is obviously used to eating with other skunks, Toby is not. She completely kicked his ass the first couple times we've fed them, despite being quite a bit smaller than Tobias. She'll just body check him out of the way and then stand on top of the food and eat what's between her feet. We've had to separate them at meal times. Toby has caught on to her game, though, and now when we're preparing food, it's a skunk frenzy at our feet, stomping and snorting over who gets to be the next to beg. I can no longer eat snacks at my desk, they tussle under my chair.
So now Aroma has gotten used to us a bit, she's moved upstairs and taken residence in the office closet. Toby, not to be outdone, then claimed her spot for his own, to which Aroma responded by walking away and taking Toby's place under the sink. They really seem to have a "I want what YOU have!" thing going on. When Toby comes to bed for snuggle time, Aroma will come and climb up on the bed and sniff around. She will occasionally want to be picked up but isn't sleeping with us yet. I'm hopeful for the future though. Last night when we came home we found them both under the sink, curled up on opposite sides of the cabinet. Then again, Tobias has greatly increase his acting out and naughty behavior, acting very much the resentful only child. So time will tell.

Gas prices.

2008-08-02T11:00:00.000-07:00

They need to make those "Truth" commercials for the gas companies.

2008-06-13T14:48:00.001-07:00

2008-05-15T18:21:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to summarize what's been going on. Things at work have been gradually declining for the last 6 months, getting hairier and nastier. About 6 weeks ago the COO was fired, well known to be the CEO's chief axeman (axewoman, as the case may be). Without any buffers between the board and the CEO, a lot of the scummier rumors as to some of the corporate mismanagement were proved to be true. About four weeks ago the CEO "resigned" (actual conditions of leaving the company uncertain, rumors abound). A week after that it turns out we were days from bankruptcy. Our company told us none of this until after it was in the papers and on the news.

Then things at work really started to change. We had two teams of 9 clinicians on each team covering 200ish clients. One clinician left a bit before this started, finding greener pastures. Then the company fired three clinicians on the other team for unknown reasons, whispers of productivity quotas were going around. Then the supervisor and assistant supervisor from the other team left as well. Since they were down to 3 people, they compressed the two teams into one. All our caseloads, already full, went up by 50%, few of them with Medicare-compliant case files. We have had little choice but to keep plugging away. Every day we check our email hoping for some news or some kind of leadership or direction, and each day, nada. We'll probably find out the ship's finally sunk on the news.

So our company defaulted on a 2 million dollar loan back in January (again, no one knew till we read it in the papers). The county and state bailed the company out and loaned the company an additional 2.5 million dollars two weeks later to keep the company afloat. That money should probably last until the end of the month, after which who knows. The county and state didn't really have a choice, since this company serves about 20,000 of the city's mentally ill, the vast majority of whom would suddenly be without services. So they really didn't have a choice but to keep this company afloat, and have since taken over the finances and are (reportedly) desperately trying to divvy out the various programs and sites to other mental healthcare providers, none of whom are large enough, or foolish enough to take on contracts that don't pay enough to keep a company afloat.

So this week our program director resigned as well. That pretty much leaves my supervisor running the program I work for, with a suitcase load of promises that she'll get the support she needs, trying to cover two team's worth of people with one team. History has shown that promises of the corporate side of our company to be pretty worthless.

It's funny being in the middle of this situation. Our company was blatantly and unprofessionally mismanaged and deserves to be razed and sewn under with salt. Amusingly enough, the clowns who perpetrated this disaster have secured themselves a golden parachute and will be working somewhere else a few months from now. We're left trying to hold things together with spit and baling wire. My situation is unique, with my future in a new career already lined up. Whatever happens here, I'm fine and good and okay, which is the main reason why I'm not emotionally attached to the outcome. If this were my career here, I'd be close to going postal. It's pretty grim at work, but we're all working as hard as humanly possible, hoping something comes together for the clients.

Why do we stay? Various reasons I suppose. Some people are pretty codependent on their job, some don't have any other employment options. Mostly we stay for the clients. We were entrusted with the care of these people, many of whom are pretty vulnerable, and if we weren't here, it just wouldn't happen. So some of us are sticking to see this through.

2008-05-09T01:07:00.000-07:00

So here's the thing.

2008-05-01T00:43:00.000-07:00

Procrastination takes on a life of it's own. And when it comes to my blog it becomes this sort of cyber still life where events are frozen in time and it'll always be August 7th, or July 23rd if you want it to be.

Obviously life does not get a pause button as well. So while my blog has stayed frozen in time, time has goose stepped on whether I liked it or not. And unfortunately most of my thoughts have been rooted in the day to day grind and not blog fodder. So... yeah.

My company appears to be going down the tubes. You can read about it here:
http://www.portlandtribune.com/news/story.php?story_id=120959946472928400
http://www.oregonlive.com/news/oregonian/index.ssf?/base/news/1209527715247440.xml&coll=7
http://blog.oregonlive.com/breakingnews/2008/04/county_scrambles_to_cover_as_m.html

Looks like we'll be open tomorrow though, and hopefully there will be paychecks. Make no mistake about it, work has been a holy nightmare over the last month, and on a consistant downhill trend for months before that.

And yet despite the hurricane, I'm as cool as a cucumber. Why, you may ask. Aside from my typically stoic nature, I'm fairly detached from the proceedings, because I came to the conclusion a few months back that mental health was not a good career field for me (an opinion that has obviously been vindicated through recent events). Too dependant on political whim or vulnerable to mismanagment, too fiscally unviable; not so much my pay, as the industry as a whole. So I looked at what I liked, what I wanted, and I applied to graduate school.

And I got in.

This fall I will be attending Marylhurst University and getting my Master's in teaching. Like Aud, I'm going to be a high school teacher. Not too surprising... we were working in the same field when we got together and now that similarity will continue. I'm excited for a new beginning and a career in teaching. So like the cockroach, with disaster falling all around me, I have found a place to scurry and forge on. Huzzah! So there it is, faithful reader. My life has been a rollercoaster not unlike this post. Still, while I could definitely be less stressed, I couldn't be happier. Like Bob Marley sang, "Every little thing's gonna be alright!" More on the how's and why's later.

Did you know...

2008-01-31T08:04:00.000-08:00

Did you know, the most common hallucination is an olfactory one?

Where's the opt out button?

2007-11-23T14:12:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think that people like to make a big deal out of the holidays just so they’ll feel better about themselves and the fact that they don’t do much the other 11 months of the year. I’m sure I’m just cynical and grouchy, but the only thing I actually like about the season is the frequent gatherings of family and friends. I wish we did things like this more often or consistently, but we don’t. So I like the holidays because it’s the time we do those things… but I don’t like much else about them.

<>Being in social work, it’s weird that this is the one month of the year I don’t have to worry about the basic needs of my clients. There’s tons of food, winter clothing, winter shelter, and even gifts. Most people know that the holidays are difficult for people without social supports or people with emotional or seasonal disorders, but for a lot of my clients it’s actually a better time of year because it’s the one time of year people give a crap about helping other people. I wish people would pick a different random month of the year to go work at a soup kitchen or give food to a food bank, because it seems to be either feast or famine… literally.

So wild and free

2007-11-09T23:50:00.001-08:00

Now lean forward... slowly...

So here's the thing.

2007-11-06T00:00:00.000-08:00

When Emily came to town a while back, several of us were hanging out and naturally the topic of all of our respective blogs came up.

One or two people remarked that it bugged them that I took the links off of my blog and they have to go back out to look at other friend's blogs. I just smiled. I like that my blog is a dead end, it warms me somewhere in my chest. In truth, it happened when I changed the template and lost my links, but time makes fools of us all, I guess.

Halloween

2007-11-02T20:25:00.000-07:00

Yeah... I don't think I'm going to support trick or treating. It's really just panhandling. I don't want to train anyone to be a hobo.

2007-10-02T19:16:00.000-07:00

I love the rain. I came out of my office today to a nice steady Portland rain. Growing up in the Pacific Northwest rain is more normal than sunshine. Many of my happy childhood memories of playing in the backyard were... in the rain! So there's a certain level of familiarity when it gets wet outside. I didn't like rain in Utah, it was too hard, too nasty, and there was lightning and thunder. Nothing wrong with lightning and thunder, but it's not what feels like home to me. I just like the smell, feel and look of a steady Northwest rain.

Drop some knowledge.

2007-09-06T18:42:00.000-07:00

So, we got a new TV. LCD flatscreen, high-def, digital state of the art. So, what that means is that I'm able to use HDMI cables instead of the ol' yellow-red-white RCA cables. HDMI takes digital signal from DVD players... computers... anything that sends out a digital signal. Now, anyone that's into stereos knows that the cables are where they "get you" as far as price gouging goes. The digital area is no different: Cheap Cable vs Expensive Cable. Now, back in the day, there was an audiable difference between cheap ol' speaker wire and expensive monster cables, because with an analog signal, shielding and quality of wire could make a difference. However, with digital cable, it's all digital signal. Ones and zeros.

There's just not much of a difference between an HDMI cable of one brand or another. That is, not so you’d notice. There may be differences in cable construction (insulation, cladding, the core, etc), but not in the bandwidth they carry. There’s a minimum, which the HDMI protocol specifies, and that’s it. Also, most HDMI cables (cheap and expensive) have gold contacts. Take a look. The quantity of gold doesn’t make a cable expensive, nor does the process involved in plating them. Gold in these quantities is very cheap. You’re certainly not getting $20 or $50 of gold in each cable. It’s a layer that's only a few molecules thick.

But you’d be very hard pressed to determine any kind of signal quality difference between a low-priced and a high-priced cable. First, unlike analog signalling, with digital signalling a cruddy cable doesn’t mean a poor picture. It means no picture, or horrible artifacts, or errors in the rendering, audio garbling, etc.

I can't make this up, seriously.

2007-07-30T15:27:00.001-07:00

So, in a prison in the Philippines, I imagine they were having a difficult time in coming up with ways for prisoners to spend their time. In the USA, most of the time our prisoners spend their recreation time playing cards, basketball, and making stabbing instruments. Some guys come across more constructive ways to spend their time. I once knew a fella who, over the course of spending 10 years on the inside, taught himself to play guitar. This prison managed to put together a complete dance routine set to Michael Jackson's "Thriller", complete with zombie moves and a dude in drag playing the scared girlfriend role. I'm pretty much speechless watching this. Since I can't hear you, I assume you are too.

Aggro opinionated moron!

2007-07-13T22:08:00.000-07:00

I frown at people who simplify a complex issue to a singularity in order that they can soapbox about their point of view. I frown harder when it infringes on my area of... I guess I can say expertise. I was out the other day and had to listen to this woman babbling about how it's wrong how some of the kids at her precious and unique snowflake's school are overmedicated and *gasp* on Ritalin. Yeah, heard it before lady. Seems like everyone from Volvo driving soccer mom to Tom Cruise has an opinion on psychiatric medications. I guess the stupid television and radio commercials don't help.

Spent elsewhere

2007-07-08T22:47:00.000-07:00

Went on vacation, came back, working hard, sleeping more. When I started blogging, I promised myself that I would travelogue as little as possible. Indeed, I'd like to take this opportunity to remind all of my friends in Portland that I was indeed the first and originator of this whole blog thing in our circles mwa ha (though I got it from Zannah, to give due credit). At any rate, no travelogue. But also in my at home life I've been doing my best to leave work at work. Most of my musing and ruminating processes are centered around work now, or inspired by people I meet and relationships I have with clients. But somehow coming home to write about them doesn't seem like something I usually want to do. And so my blog has been notoriously silent. Muted. Part of me starts to feel bad about that, but then I remembered that I have been writing it for me and not you, so lay off!

I don't understand people under the age of 25 who are conservative... what is it you're being nostalgic about? You don't even remember Ronald Reagan, let alone enough to worship the guy. Sometimes on commercial breaks on SportsRadio 1080 I flip over to NeoCon news radio 750 where they have Bill O'Reiley and Lars Larson. It's good for a laugh. I don't remember the early to mid 1980's being this paradise that they do. Sure, Star Wars, Transformers, and Teddy Ruxpin ruled, but I don't get the desire to recreate it with my vote or legislation.

Sleep, and the enchancement therof.

2007-06-15T11:22:00.000-07:00

So, here's the thing. I had a sleep study done, and they got me a CPAP machine. It's this machine that has an air pump, a tube, and a mask that goes over my nose. It provides like a constant stream of air pressure to keep my soft palate from collapsing and me snoring and choaking myself off. It also lets me feel like Darth Vader, a definite plus. What was interesting about the whole thing was the information I got from the sleep study I had done. I had to go sleep at this lab with electrodes all hooked up on me wired to a computer. The data showed that not only was my sleep interrupted 187 times in two hours (holy crap!!!), but in the 2 hours without the machine, I had no REM sleep at all. Zero. That blew my mind. I literally haven't been dreaming. I didn't even know this was possible. So anyway, I've had this machine now since last Thursday, and last night I had what might be my first dream in years!

It was a nightmare.

Sheesh.

I'm older. Hooray me.

2007-06-06T10:22:00.000-07:00

So... I'm older today. I'm often nonplussed about birthday celebrating. Way to be born me! However, it's been a great year, and I have a lot to be thankful for.

Short Stories

2007-05-07T23:38:00.000-07:00

So here's the thing. I used to write a lot, and now I don't so much. I think it's because I am always doing paperwork at work, and my enthusiasm for creating the written word has waned. Hemingway once wrote a story in just six words ("For sale: baby shoes, never worn.") and is said to have called it his best work. Wired magazine did an article where they asked many other established people to try to do the same. Read theirs, and join me in posting your own. More than one entry is encouraged. I'll be disappointed if there aren't 20 replies to this eventually. First, enjoy some of these (some classy names here!)

Gown removed carelessly. Head, less so.
- Joss Whedon

Clones demand rights: second Emancipation Proclamation.
- Paul Di Filippo

Thought I was right. I wasn't.
- Graeme Gibson

Heaven falls. Details at eleven.
- Robert Jordan

The baby’s blood type? Human, mostly.
- Orson Scott Card

Automobile warranty expires. So does engine.
- Stan Lee

Machine. Unexpectedly, I’d invented a time
- Alan Moore

Wasted day. Wasted life. Dessert, please.
- Steven Meretzky

Longed for him. Got him. Shit.
- Margaret Atwood

As for my own... hmm... let's see...

The sun foils Icarus' brilliant plan.
Somehow I forgot to remember her.
There isn't much time left to
Colder in hell than I expected.

Have fun.

Paul and Dani got married

2007-04-23T15:50:00.000-07:00

It was cool to attend Paul and Dani's wedding... it was the first wedding I'd been to that was as much for the people attending as the people being hitched. Kudos.

It was strange to see people from personal and professional lives, both old and new, colliding.

sometimes I feel like...

2007-03-22T18:42:00.000-07:00

Godwin's Law

2007-03-05T21:56:00.000-08:00

Godwin's Law (also known as Godwin's Rule of Nazi Analogies) is a mainstay of Internet culture, an adage formulated by Mike Godwin in 1990. The law states:

"As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one."

Godwin's Law does not dispute whether any particular reference or comparison to Hitler or the Nazis might be apt. It is precisely because such a comparison or reference may sometimes be appropriate, Godwin has argued, that overuse of the Nazi/Hitler comparison should be avoided, as it robs the valid comparisons of their impact.

Although it's basically memetical theory, I've observed Godwin be correct a few too many times for comfort.

2007-01-31T08:41:00.000-08:00

A Haiku About How Much I Love Grapes
by Tobias Skünke

Grapes, how I love thee
Munching and playing with you
Play play play, munch munch
More?

The Decemberist's "The Crane Wife"

2007-01-26T08:01:00.000-08:00

If you love indie rock, you probably already have this album, NPR's album of the year. Snagged it two days ago and have fallen in love with it.

The album was inspired by a Japanese folk tale, and the album is based on two "macro" song concepts, The Crane Wife and The Island, the latter of which was inspired by William Shakespeare's The Tempest. If you know me well, you can already see why I might like it. I love Japanese culture, and I love Shakespeare. It's really a beautiful album. I'm sure if you listen to the radio, you've heard the Valencia song, but trust me, the rest of the album is more and better.

But, what is the crane wife?

The Crane Wife is an old Japanese folk tale. A poor man finds an injured crane, takes it in and nurses it back to health. After releasing the crane, a woman appears at his doorstep with whom he falls in love and marries. Because they need money, his wife offers to weave wondrous fabric out of silk that they can sell at the market (the song talks about clothes, but in the version I've heard, she makes magical sails for ships), on the condition that he agrees never to watch her making them. They prosper and live a comfortable life, but he asks her to weave them more and more, as his greed increases. Unnoticed by the man, his wife's health is diminishing. As these tales go, curiosity gets the best of the man, and he eventually peeks in to see what she is doing to make the silk she weaves so desirable. He is shocked to discover that at the loom is the crane plucking feathers from her own body and weaving them into the loom. The crane, seeing him, flies away and never returns.

What I like best about this story is that the "moral" differs from person to person, and isn't so obvious.

What

Finger Lickin' Good.

2007-01-10T12:43:00.000-08:00

I like fried chicken, but it’s always lacking something when I get it from a resturant. KFC is way too greasy, and uses puny chicken pieces. Popeyes is too crispy, supermarket deli chicken is flavorless. So a while back when I was living at the Brooklyn house, I decided I’d fry some up myself and make it exactly how I wanted. The first effort was well received, wife and a roommate or two were impressed. Ever since then, every so often, I make some fried chicken and try to hone and perfect the recipie. It’s not perfect yet, but it’s darn good and I’m proud of it. You know you’re on to something good when you’d rather have your own version of something than a professional’s.

How I make fried chicken:
Get some boneless, skinless chicken breasts. I don’t like bones, I don’t like skin, so I might as well start it in that state, y’know? I have found smaller-to-medium sized breasts to be ideal, the big huge ones you can sometimes get are difficult to get cooked all the way through.

Take a bowl and put a small container of buttermilk in it. Add a firm couple shakes of tobasco sauce, and a generous amount of pepper (I don’t measure, nor should you). Crack and egg or two (depending on size of eggs), beat them separately, then mix them with the buttermilk marinade. Put chicken breasts in mixture, marinate for an hour or three in the fridge.

Take another bowl, pour in a box of tempura flour. Add a good tablespoon of pepper, some onion powder and garlic salt, some thyme, oregano, paprika, and seasoning salt. A doable shortcut here is to take a packet of Italian salad dressing mix and add it with the pepper in lieu of other spices. The only things I’ve found to be very necessary are black pepper and garlic salt. There are many things that will give your chicken some savor. I’ve even gone with Cajun spice mix from Winco (nice but the cayenne gives it an earthy taste). Mix spices with flour.

Then coat the slimy chicken in the flour and spices. The time tested paper bag method works fine, but I usually use a place with the flour and stuff on it, and press and work the flour all over the chicken with my fingers. The downside: fingers get coated as well. Additional downside: Kentucky fried fingers are… not as good.

Take a large pan, put it on the stove, and pour a good inch of oil into it, and let it pre heat on medium to medium high. Here’s one of the tricks I’ve learned: How “brown” the chicken gets is a function of how hot the oil is, not how long you cook it. Hotter oil = browner chicken. It will vary on your stove, of course. Takes about 10-12 minutes on the first side, and 5 on the other… if you’re unsure if it’s done, cut it open and take a look.

Take it out of the oil, and let it sit on paper towels or a pizza box (don’t laugh, a pizza box works better than paper towels, which get soaked. Dab with a paper towel to get the oil off the top. More oil you take out now, less that goes in you! Let it cool for a good 10 min… don’t try eating it right off. Nice thing about homemade fried chicken is that it’s great hot, lukewarm, or cold!

Sleepy Skunk

2006-12-28T07:59:00.000-08:00

Culling

2006-12-27T21:48:00.000-08:00

I have found that I am not so good at keeping in touch with people. Never was. If our friendship is more than 4 or 5 years previous, there's a pretty good chance I'm not talking much with you... if at all. I've not been very good at keeping in touch with people from my life. From Japan, to Utah, to Alaska, to everywhere else... I've kinda been crummy at keeping in touch with people long-long term. I haven't talked or emailed with my best friend from college... and he got married last year. I'm not sure why I do this... maybe it's because I put most of my energy into the now and the forward than the past... tough to say. It's not malicious or a writing off kind of thing, so don't feel bad, I'll do it for both of us.

DING fries are done...

2006-12-25T09:18:00.000-08:00

The wife and I went out a wassailing last night... er, looking at Christmas lights in the rain... and for some reason the theme running through my head for this Christmas is the "ding fries are done" song from Family Guy (and the internet) sung to the tune of "Carol of the Bells", as seen here: Family Guy Ding Fries Are Done

The words:

Ding fries are done
Ding fries are done
Ding fries are done
Ding fries are done

I gotta run
I gotta run
I gotta run
I gotta run

I work at Burger King making flame broiled whoppers
I wear paper hats
Would you like an apple pie with that?
Would you like an apple pie with that?

Ding fries are done
Ding fries are done
Ding fries are done
Ding fries are done

I gotta run
I gotta run
I gotta run
I gotta run

Don't bob for fries in hot fat
it really hurts bad
and so do skin grafts
Would you like an apple pie with that?
Would you like an apple pie with that?

Can't hear the bell
Wait for the bell
Where is the bell?
Wait for the bell

Ding fries are done
Ding fries are done

Fortunately my wife has realized she's pretty much married an idiot.

These are a few of my favorite things

2006-11-29T14:27:00.000-08:00

Hospitals, shelters, diversions plans, symptoms, medication, decompensation, treatment plans, behavioral assessments, criminal records, case files, crisis diversion, single room occupancy, motels, primary care physicians, billing codes, location codes, active community treatment, medical model, recovery model, housing applications, respite, walk in clinic, emergency department, emergency room, triage, med deliveries, food boxes, vouchers, social security, food stamps, TB tests, screening criteria, releases of information, faxes, SAS sheets, status change, interoffice mail, prescriber appointments, inpatient drug treatment, outpatient drug treatment, groups, outreach, insight…

But am I doing anything?

Guitar Hero

2006-11-09T20:34:00.000-08:00

If you're at all like me (probably not, but if so, you have my condolences), you've played the air guitar at least a few times in your life. Admit it. You've bounced around your apartment flailing your invisible air guitar to Master of Puppets. You've put an empty hand up to your mouth and belted out the lyrics to Back in Black. Finally, for the rock star in all of us, there is a game. That game is Guitar Hero.

Guitar Hero is to cool guitar god wanna-bes what Dance Dance Revolution is to people who wish they could have gotten on MTV's The Grind just once. You have a controller that you hold in your hands that looks like this:

And as notes scroll by on the on screen fretboard, you press the accorded button, and hit the strum bar. You have thus commenced rocking.

Whoever was in charge of selecting the music for Guitar Hero deserves a Grammy Award--or at least a raise. For a game like this, the soundtrack is practically impeccable. Rather than going for the MTV crowd, this game is chock full of riffs that will open your stance and get your head banging back and forth.

None of the songs are the original recordings, but the recreations have been so lovingly crafted that you'll have a difficult time telling the difference. The track list runs the gamut from metal romps like Judas Priest's "You've Got another Thing Coming" to Joan Jett's seminal '80s rocker "I Love Rock and Roll" to recent jams like Franz Ferdinand's "Take me Out." The list goes on and on with favorites like Motorhead's "Ace of Spades," The Ramones' "I Wanna Be Sedated," and a smattering of power punk hits from groups like Sum 41. If you're even vaguely into rock music, you'll find something to like across the game's 30-plus songs. The only downer is that there are no AC/DC or Led Zepplin tracks, but there has to be something for the sequel, right?

The other thing that's reasonably fun about the game is that it's almost as fun to watch someone play as it is to play it. When you're playing, you're concentrating on the buttons and rhythm, not the song or the band... so when someone else has a turn you get to see all the cool and crazy thing your guy does!

2006-11-06T15:54:00.000-08:00

When we write things, in print, black and white, it makes things more real, like we're owning it or something. Emily has said things not unlike this several times, and as I'm sitting here looking at my seldomly updated blog as of late, I wonder... maybe lately I've been liking things to be less real? Reality is stressful, and I like to escape. That's why I like books, movies, video games... for just a little while I get to be someone else or at least somewhere else. Not that where or who I am is bad (NOT AT ALL!) but that... getting away is like a little vacation in my head.

Death to the travelogue!

2006-11-03T10:00:00.000-08:00

I haven't been posting. My life in a nutshell:

Work, work work, wife wife wife, skunk, skunk, play play on computer, damn I wish I could have a cheeseburger, sleep.

There's stuff going on in and around it but I've become pretty mundane. Skye commented something the other day, "I really want you to be around when we're old farts to talk about the good times." I've always thought, what's so great about being old? I don't mean the whole life is over when you're 50 crap, but like... the tail end nursing home years... what's great about sitting in a room waiting for the nurse to bring the jello and wishing the grandkids would call? I suppose the sponge bathing could be sublime, but still. I think I'll start hoping for early onset dementia. One of the most mentally ill people I know is one of the happiest. He's never alone, and people are always happy to see him... in his head. We should all be so lucky. If it happens to me, y'all can be sitting around talking and I'll be sitting there singing a song to myself about daffodils that look like pudding pops or something.

The counter opinion in my head just now points out that this isn't too different from what I currently do in most social settings.

Sigh.

The Battle of Food

2006-10-08T10:41:00.000-07:00

Like the wife, I am also on a diet.
It appears to be serious.
I'm very grouchy.
VERY GROUCHY.

Fortunately, I love some foods that are healthy. Like sushi, cottage cheese, fibery cereals, vegetarian curry... but it's only been a week and there's a decent chance I might kill someone for a double western bacon cheeseburger. Fortunately there's a good chance it might only be a transient, or some other person you don't know, but still the potential for homicide is definitely there.

Otherwise, life is fine. I work work work, come home and survey what dilemma wife and skunk may have, then sleep a bit, then back to work.

Boy and Skunk Alone.

2006-09-03T08:22:00.000-07:00

The cheese stands alone.
The cheese stands alone.
Hi ho the dairy-o
The cheese stands alone.

I never got why the cheese stands alone. Who doesn't like cheese? EVERYONE likes cheese!

The woman is out of town while I'm on the pager at work. I miss my wife. It is nice to be able to let the dishes go for a day or two and completely hog the bed... but... I'm lonely :( I can't wait until my honey comes home.

Shame on you, Squinty McGee

2006-07-21T08:43:00.000-07:00

One of the biggest mistakes of my life has been voting for George W. Bush when he ran against Al Gore. I don't claim full responsibility for this decision, since Gore ran the most dull and lifeless campaign and came off like a lifelong Washington politician, while Bush came off as the opposite. The highs and lows of his presidency have been well documented, but one of the things that particularly raised my ire came out a month or two ago when it was revealed that the National Security Agency had been obtaining phone call records of American Citizens for years. Obtaining them without warrant or probable cause, and thus far for no announced reason other than “national security” To put it plainly, the government has been keeping track of who you call, when you call them, and how often they do it. Verizon? BellSouth? AT&T? Sprint? They’ve all been handing over their phone records for years, again, without a warrant. This is illegal, by the way.

So when this came to light, naturally millions of people were understandably pissed off. So an investigation was launched by the Justice Department, trying to find out what, who, and why. In order to investigate who authorized this illegal invasion of American’s privacy (and is a criminal) with regards to “matters of national security”, the lawyers and investigators from the Justice Department have to obtain security clearances, since they might come in contact with sensitive information. This is pretty much standard procedure for any sort of government investigation.

Standard, until President Bush said no.

“Someone in your administration is breaking the law and spying on Americans, may we please investigate who is doing this that we might bring them to justice?”
“No.”

By denying security clearance to federal attorneys from the Office of Professional Responsibility (OPR) seeking to gather evidence in the NSA illegal surveillance scandal, President Bush has effectively blocked the Justice Department’s investigation into the matter of who exactly authorized the illegal actions to take place. The president is apparently able to strictly control who does and does not have security clearance to examine documents regarding the program, citing that giving more people access would endanger national security. His denial is the first of its kind in American history. Last time I checked, when Richard Nixon committed obstruction of justice, he didn't get to keep his job.

Oh well, what’s one more lie, one more obfuscation of the truth to ol’ Squinty McGee? But hey! At least he hasn’t gotten it on with an intern.

2006-07-12T16:15:00.000-07:00

And this is Tobias, our skunk.

As most of you know

2006-07-12T16:09:00.000-07:00

We got a pet skunk. Named her Lucille. Then found out it was a boy and named it Tobias. It's still an adorable skunk. He likes to run and play, and has made a game of us catching him.

Gage says it's great owning a skunk, you just get the same questions over and over... so with no adieu, I answer them for you:
1) No, it doesn't stink, the stink glands have been removed.
2) They eat veggies, a little bit of dog food, dairy, pretty much anything in moderation.
3) They live to be 10-15.
4) We got it from a breeder in Ohio.
5) No, it's going to be fixed, you really don't want to try and be a skunk breeder.

2006-07-03T20:04:00.001-07:00

Friend of mine grew up with a hot girl next door. The HGND's dad was an avid hunter, with many a long gun. Whenever she would bring home a new guy, the dad would take him aside and introduce himself, and get the kid's name. He would then take a cartridge for his elephant gun, and write the kid's name on it, telling him "I love my daughter very much, and if you ever do anything to hurt her, this bullet has your name on it." Next, he would take the now amused/scared/indiffernt kid into the room where the rifle was stored, show him it, and put the cartridge on a shelf, next to a row of empty casings with names on it.

Apparently, it scared one kid so much he went crying home to dad, who called the sheriff. Sheriff deputy shows up, asks for the story, dad tells it, deputy decides with a grin on his face that there was no threat made, the kid was just being informed that there was a bullet with his name on it.

2006-07-03T20:04:00.000-07:00

On Our Vacation

2006-06-20T18:33:00.000-07:00

One of the interesting places we visited was the Sleepy Hollow cemetery.

On the hillside behind where this picture was taken, some of the greatest authors in the history of American Literature are buried. They all lived in the area near here. Walt Whitman lived here too, but he's not interred at this cemetary, so I won't make "Anonymous" fret by referring any more to a poet who might have been gay.

Here is Henry David Thoreau, one of my favorites (for the unaware, he wrote Walden, the book that the boys in Dead Poet's Society read and use)

Right next to him is Louisa May Alcott:

Then Ralph Waldo Emerson:

And lastly a little further along is Nathaniel Hawthorne:

How strange is it that some of the greatest writers in American history are all buried within 20 yards of each other, let alone in the same cemetary?

Cool things that I did on vacation.

2006-06-16T16:35:00.000-07:00

Primary Spousal Unit and I have decided to blog about and post pics of whatever we want to, in whatever order we like. I like this approach more than feeling bound to some kind of order.

We flew in to Newark Airport in New Jersey. My first reaction upon exiting the airport: "What stinks? Is that garbage or a dead body?" Deciding to be charitiable, I took another wiff inbetween train transfers on two other occasions on the way to the inlaw's place. As far as I can tell, New Jersey either locates all of their public transportation next to open sewers and landfills, or the state reeks. I have no pic of the horrid smells of New Jersey, but rest assurred that if I did, this is where they'd be:

So I'm home now.

2006-06-16T00:18:00.000-07:00

Highlights and pics to be done tomorrow.

I'm thinking of naming the skunk Shiloh.

edit - I think Lucille might be even better.

So, I'm in New York.

2006-06-13T06:49:00.000-07:00

So Today's My Birthday

2006-06-06T18:25:00.000-07:00

And I'm another year older. We're taking off for NYC tomorrow to go visit the inlaws and see the sites. So what did I get for my birthday? It hasn't arrived yet... but we're getting a pet... a skunk! These photos are not pics of the actual skunk in question. She (I think we're getting a she) will be about 6 inches long (and 4 or 5 weeks old) when she comes and will take about 18 months to fully mature into a 20-28" adult skunk. Yes, the stinky part's removed, though we will have to get her spayed (going into heat and not mating can KILL a female skunk, think about that, lonely singles!) I get to pick a name for her. I'm still mulling that one over.

Splurging: The Final Frontier pt II: Electric Boogaloo

2006-05-15T18:48:00.000-07:00

So, I get an email from the wife today, and we find out that we're getting a lot more from her student loans than we originally planned. Naturally, we're not going completely buck wild, but certain plots start bubbling to the surface, like paying the new car off if the interest rate is lower on the student loans than the car... maybe buying some business clothes for both of us... other things that never quite find their way into the monthly budget. So, if you found yourself with a couple of extra thousand (or $30,000-50,000 more) than you thought you might have, and you know you have to pay it back, would you get anything? Cheese on your Whopper (tm) perhaps?

Me, I knew exactly what I wanted. Unfortunately, the wife deemed it to be wasteful. I respectfully disagreed, and the negotiations began. We discovered we both looked at splurging somewhat differently. I'm not entirely sure that we even now understand where the other one is coming from. But I toss the thought out to you: what would you do? Be uber-responsible and not spend a penny beyond school and living costs? Go out to dinner? Buy a new pair of shoes? A nice new big computer monitor? What would you do?

2006-05-10T11:55:00.000-07:00

Q: How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: It doesn't matter, they're all going to sit in the dark and cry anyway.

Assertion. Noun. 1: A declaration that is made emphatically. 2: The act of affirming or asserting or stating something.

2006-05-09T15:53:00.000-07:00

I think being assertive is commonly taken to be a male trait in our society, as women used to be taught to be demure, which is often taken to the extreme of being passive. I don’t like passive, which is to say I don’t respect it very much. Don’t get me wrong, I like silence a LOT, but there’s a difference between not saying anything because you don’t have anything important to say, and not saying anything because you don’t dare. In my dating history, I tended to enjoy the company of more independent women. My wife is a fairly strong willed lady. But it’s interesting to me how many people allow themselves to be walked on, because they don’t want to be rude, or perhaps feel like they could be wrong.

I have come to the conclusion lately that I am not just going to let people exert their will on me anymore. If that makes me rude because I’m telling some call center slave something they don’t want to hear, that’s fine, I’ll be able to sleep at night with that on my conscience.A couple weeks ago, Comcast called to find out why the check we sent them for our service was $30 short, and mentioned that if the full payment wasn’t received, there would be a LATE FEE! (dum-dum-DUM!). The reason was I gave the installer a $30 check when we had the internet and cable installed, and was told that this would be applied to the first bill. It wasn’t. But I was told that and even had the receipt to that effect. The lady on the phone started to try to pass the buck and told me I’d have to talk to billing and that it wasn’t her department, when I stopped her in mid-sentence and said no. No, I wasn’t going to call billing, I gave her company a check and if they couldn’t find it, that was their problem, and that if they were going to call me up and threaten me with a late fee, it was inappropriate to be then trying to send me on a game of phone tag within their bureaucracy. She tried to say that it wasn’t on her system, but I wasn’t going to let her off the hook. I told her that I had given her company a check and now she was telling me that they didn’t know what happened to it, and that she needed to find out whether it was lost, or stolen, or heaven knows what, and that it was not my responsibility to be doing her company’s work for them. She said she’d forward this issue to her manager, and I told her that I expected a return call to resolve the issue and to make a note of it on the case. Three days later, I got a call, and all was well. I didn’t have to deal with a single robotic phone menu. I can't help but think that if they had called me at another juncture in life, I would have followed their instructions and whined and complained about having to deal with Comcast. Was I rude? maybe a tiny bit, but no less rude than a company making a customer track down a payment that the company itself had misplaced.

Yesterday I went to the parking garage where our treatment team has parking passes, one of those little ratty buildings that's been converted into a parking garage. The guys that run the place overbook the lot, so occasionally they have to operate like a valet service and double and triple park cars (they totaled my manager's car there once, but that's another story). They had double parked a car across from mine making it tough to get out. Now I don't have the nicest car, but it is pretty new and it was just too close a shave to get out, I tried backing out several different ways, and none of them were good. I go downstairs and tell parking garage monkey that I need the silver Sentra across from my car moved. He walks upstairs and and then tells me that he doesn't have the key on him and tries to tell me to back it out again. I looked at him, and said "No. You. Move. That. Car. Right. Now." He again said that he didn't have the key on him, and I said "You should have thought of that before you came upstairs when I told you which car needed to be moved, now you're going to have to go back downstairs and get it." Now, I'm sure he isn't my biggest fan now, but hey, I'm just not going to do other people's jobs for them anymore.

Do you find yourself bending over backwards just to get treated like a human when you're a customer? You might need Assertion, a new fragrance by James. Do you find yourself telling stories that begin or end with "I can't believe he/she/they treated me like that!?!?" You too might need Assertion. Companies, stores, service personel will only treat you like that if you let them. For some people (Samuel L. Jackson, Jack Nicholson, Megan Mullally, Mr. T, Sean Connery), assertion is a part of their character. When in doubt, think about how one of them might handle the situation. Sam Jackson is who I use.

Oh, but if you're my wife, trust me, you probably don't need Assertion.

Well then...

2006-05-01T12:50:00.000-07:00

So I come in to work this morning and find out one of my clients jumped off the Burnside bridge. He survived, thankfully enough. Apparently God told him to do it, and he though he was flying across the river Jordan. I hate it when God tells my clients to do crazy wacked out things.

Bad news: he jumped. Good news: makes my job of getting him into the state mental hospital a little bit easier.

ALSO: I have decided to turn off my cell phone. Anyone needing to get ahold of me during the day, email me and I'll spot you my work #, a phone I carry with me almost 24/7. If you need me after work times, call Audrey's phone! I decided two phones for me was too much, and to axe the $30-$40 a month I'm paying for it, since the new job gives me a phone.

My head is full of blackbirds

2006-04-27T16:49:00.000-07:00

So I am trucking along at the new job. Starting a new job in my career chosen field is a strange experience. I know how to be a case manager or a counselor or to interact with clients, but every program has different priorities and different people and different ways of doing things. This job has different responsibilities than my previous one, and eventually, a much greater degree of autonomy. The clients are also vastly different. In mental healthspeak, they are severe and persistant mentally ill, with histories of abuse, addiction, and violence. In layman's terms, they are the craziest of the crazy. I went with another case worker for a secure escort (when we're with a potentiall dangerous client, we don't go alone) We took this guy from our clinic to a safe house (that he was kicked out of later that day), and I got to listen to the most interesting disjointed conversation I've ever heard. I so wish I had a tape recorder. You'd ask him a question, and the first three or four words would be on topic, but then the next four would be an phrase about something completely different, and the last half of the sentance about something. It wasn't word salad... it was full blown sentance salad.

"You know, none of this is real... they say the world is round but it isn't... girls can't see colors... so the angels opened their hands and... you know I'm okay with you I feel safe... and I told the angel that I want to be inside if I can .... and make you feel safe within all the paper... I like magenta and gree but the bus is leaving tomorrow... Cars are very safe, they protect you..."

And it went on like that for 20-30 minutes. I can't keep an impresion up for more than 30 seconds at a a time... but really, it was kind of beautiful in it's own way. I spent time today with someone who lives on the same planet as I do, but definitely not the same world.

Wow

2006-04-18T11:21:00.000-07:00

I am humbled by the awesome friends I/we have. I am just now getting to read all of your comments from the last few weeks. I had been thinking I was more alone than I was. Thanks to all for the thoughtfulness, support, and sympathy.

Oh, and I am NOT girly, T-Durk. I only wanted to go so I could see you and Kaarina. I got to see Kaarina the night before, so the biggest truth is I would have gone to see you! Ha! And you dare call me girly!

I'm an idiot.

2006-04-18T11:16:00.000-07:00

Fixed my comments. It was all my fault.

I am employed.

2006-04-13T16:58:00.000-07:00

So here's the thing.

I applied for a couple openings that my parent company had, and interviewed last week for a spot on the Core-ACT program, as a case manager and therapist. This week I went in and spent a chunk of the day with them shadowing. At the end the manager took me into his office and asked me "when can you start?" So I'm happy now. Too bad about that whole fear engine thing, but time makes fools of us all, I guess... not unlike the time I made cottage cheese in my locker. So all told, it's a new job for the same company, a little bit of a pay raise, some added job security, and even paid parking downtown! I work about two or three blocks from Powells, the best bookstore in the whole world!

So what will I be doing?

This program is called the Core-ACT program, it stands for Active Community Treatment. Basically it's a nonprofit that works to relieve the load on the police, hospitals, and community with regards to handling and caring for people with acute mental illnesses. Basically, the craziest of the crazies that blow out of the more ordinary programs. My exact responsibilities on the team are yet to be determined, as the program is basically doubling in size. I'll either be an "ordinary" caseworker, a Drug and Alcohol specialist, or the State Hospital Waiting List reduction case manager. So the next time you're downtown and you see the guy having a debate with the phone pole who looks like he hasn't showered in a month, say hi, chances are he knows me.

Mostly, my ire has been raised.

2006-04-10T13:22:00.000-07:00

I've been angry at work a lot.

So, like I mentioned, I have ben actively searching for a new job.

In order to do so, I had to mourn the old job.

I think this is the first time that I've lost a job where I was not only doing an excellent job, but it was completely unexpected. Now that some time has past I have a better understanding of what may have really been going on. My program got the shaft from the director of the state's Counseling and Treatment Services division. He thinks he can get two counselors, a supervisor, and an office specialist to do the work of two managers, two mental health specialists, three counselors, and two office specialists. Obviously the quality of care is going to suffer considerably, but that's not CTS' priority, money is. That's life in the real world, true, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

But mostly, I've been angry at work lately.

If I have to sit in one more meeting while I listen to state workers obfuscate the truth of matters, I swear I'll jam my ballpoint pen directly into the base of my skull and kill myself. But oh no, that will not be the end of it. When my tainted spirit finds it's ultimate destination, I will topple the master of that dark place. From my black throne I will lash together a machine of bone and blood, and fueled by my hatred this fear engine will bore a hole between that world and this one. When it happens, all they will hear is the sound of children screaming, as if from a great distance. A smoking orb of nothing will form and pulsate above their expensively coiffed heads, and from that orb will emerge a thousand starving crows. As I slip through the widening blackened maw in my new form, they will only catch a glimpse of my radiance before they are incinerated. Then, as tears of bubbling pitch stream down my face, my dark work will begin.

I will open one of my six mouths, and I will sing the song that ends the earth, and all things that in it are.

Yeah, you could say I've been angry about how this whole work situation has turned out.

It's been too long since I've posted

2006-04-10T13:17:00.000-07:00

1) Happy Birthday Audrey!
My wonderful wife is 25 today. We're going to dinner, dessert, and then a concert (The Samples are in town!)

2) Looking for work, had an interview that went real well, expecting offer soon, another interview or two next week. I'm not worried about being employed, but I'm contemplating the effect of taking a different position might have on my career.

3) I'm a slob.

Und hence

2006-03-26T21:26:00.000-08:00

Thanks to the one person who called and offered condolences about my job going bye bye. I don' tknow where things are going ot end up or what I'm going to do next, so here's a dancing orc.

There's the rub.

2006-03-21T18:53:00.000-08:00

So, here's the thing. Found out Monday that the state funding through the DOC had been cut, and our program is going bye bye as of the 31st of May. So my co workers and I are off to look for jobs. This cut is of questionable nature, the timing shady and dubious (mid contract). I wonder if we'll ever get the full story, but the easiest summation is that we were pawns in a career game move by one of the state CTS mental health directors. He thinks he can cut our program and get more for less money. He'll be surprised. State employees of my/our qualification level earn about $1000-1500 more a month. If they reduce staff, then quality will go down. The clients are of course caught in the middle... and unfortunately, I can't care about that now, I have a family to keep a roof over and food in front of.

I'm angry, of course. I love (loved) my job. I thought I was finally 100% on a career path moving in the right direction. I was doing something I really loved and being fed in a lot of different ways. Now, to further someone else's selfish ambitions, it's going away. Someone deserves to burn in hell for what they're doing to my family, to my co-worker's families, and the men we're charged to care for.

As for me, I have to go update my resume.

Argh!

2006-03-18T11:17:00.000-08:00

SOO BUSY!

We've moved into a new apartment, only half unpacked. We're both really busy and I'm kinda lazy.

Work has been really high stress the last few weeks, there's a lot of political drama and a clique of clients who are making trouble. It's made work interesting, to say the least.

My wife got into graduate school, and we're all really glad for that. In 15 months time, she'll have a new job and hopefully be making more money than I.

We went to Skye's a week ago and had a wonderful time with our friends. We don't get to spend as much time with friends as we'd like. Good thing I'm married, or I might get really lonely!

Amberlynn had her baby, super-congrats. Someone asked Audrey when we're going to have a kid, and she said "when the one I have at home grows up". Ouch.

2006-03-07T21:47:00.000-08:00

Hold fast enough to the Silence
And of the ten thousand things in the world
All can be worked on by you.
-Lao Tsu

I love me some peace and quiet. Which is admittedly strange since I'm a bit of a talker as well, an orator, if you will. Me, I think of myself as a bit of a storyteller (albeit a long winded one) and I like to paint my scenes with words. But I find I also have an appreciation for the opposite. I like to sit and get absorbed into something like a book or writing or surfing the net and just enjoy the sound of air around me. I can't study with music or the TV on. One of my most favorite things about snow is how it muffles the entire world.

Sometimes, when my wife and I argue, she will frustratingly exclaim, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!?" And many times I just answer "Peace!" It doesn't seem to work. But like all too often, practicing peace tends to work better than asking for it.

Moving Right Along

2006-02-26T10:38:00.000-08:00

We're moving into a new apartment this weekend. It's nice, a roomy 2 bedroom place over in the Parkrose area (East of 215 off of 122nd). I'm excited to get everything in and make it "ours". We got some paint and are going to do a wall or two, and we have lots of artwork, and I'm excited to see how it all shakes out.

So I just sent this to my wife...

2006-02-13T13:11:00.000-08:00

Viva la Valentine's day.

Yeah, I know, I'm a nerd. Thanks to Diesel Sweeties for the idea.

Sitcking this here so I can refer to it later...

2006-02-03T20:30:00.000-08:00

Whatever became of the moment when one first knew about death? There must have been one. A moment. In childhood. When it first occured to you that you don't go on forever. Must have been shattering. Stamped into one's memory. And yet, I can't remember it. It never occured to me at all. We must be born with an intuition of mortality. Before we know the word for it. Before we know that there are words. Out we come, bloodied and squawling, with the knowledge that for all the points of the compass, theres only one direction. And time is its only measure.

And his good friend Harvey...

2006-01-29T22:32:00.000-08:00

There's a new client at work...

He has a friend named Andres that has been known to occasionally exert a bad influence on the client in question. Apparently Andres helped get him involved with drugs, and later with crime, assisting the client in some of his illegal hijinx. As it turns out, Andres doesn't actually exist. At least he doesn't exist in the mortal plane you and I now occupy. Now, I've had a lot of clients in my time, some highly functional, some not as much, but this is the first time that I've been around a person that doesn't exist, unless you count taking pictures with Santa at the mall when I was a kid. Add to that his interesting habit of standing around for about 30 seconds before responding to a question, and we've got a real challenge on our hands!

On Friday afternoon, while I was looking forward to the weekend, I was standing near the client not really saying or doing anything, and he turns to me and says, "He's taken pieces of me that I'll never get back." Then he turned and walked away. I may not forget that for a long time... "He's taken pieces of me that I'll never get back."

*shakes head*

The Birth Of Words

2006-01-24T20:27:00.000-08:00

So Ansley was discussing on her blog whether or not it was alright to feel pride in your work... and I must admit that my first reaction was more along the lines of "well duhhh...." But that made me think about the meanings of the words that we have, that we use, or even don't use very often. There's an exchange in the Matrix Revolutions that makes me think about that. Neo is speaking to Rama, who is, in fact, a computer program:

Neo: I just have never...
Rama-Kandra: ...heard a program speak of love?
Neo: It's a... human emotion.
Rama-Kandra: No, it is a word. What matters is the connection the word implies. I see that you are in love. Can you tell me what you would give to hold on to that connection?
Neo: Anything.
Rama-Kandra: Then perhaps the reason you're here is not so different from the reason I'm here.

They go on to discuss Rama's daughter, Sati, and how Rama is attempting to save her from her fate in the machine world, concluding with:

Rama-Kandra: That is our karma.
Neo: You believe in karma?
Rama-Kandra: Karma's a word. Like "love". A way of saying 'what I am here to do.' I do not resent my karma - I'm grateful for it. Grateful for my wonderful wife, for my beautiful daughter. They are gifts. And so I do what I must do to honour them.

See, here's the thing. I'm bilingual, so I understand that words that we use are mere verbal constructs wrapped around an idea, thought, or concept that we're trying to communicate to another person. Words fail us. English is a delightful language, but can it really describe karma? There are words and phrases that I used often in Japanese that just don't translate into English. I imagine there are lots of things that work like that. I wonder why God made a world in which only small portions of the inhabitants are able to effectively communicate one with another? I speak the same language as my wife and we have a hard enough time seeing eye to eye as it is!

Life or Something Like It.

2006-01-23T17:27:00.000-08:00

I work, come home, spend time with the wife, and on the weekends we try to have a little adventure. I read, I think, and I play a bit. Sadly, I haven't blogged about it. My job makes me question my view of the world. This is not a bad thing. I like having a different sense of perspicacity. I ask myself questions I've never asked before, and I see things from a different view that I've never had to consider.

Things like:

When should a person be forgiven? I mean for doing truly awful things... The Doctrine & Covenants and Bible both say that there is no forgiveness in this world or the next for someone who commits murder... but I actually know some murderers now. Who am I to say they're not worthy of that? Where does mental illness come into play? Is there really such a limit to something like the atonement? The scriptures say yes but my heart doesn't seem to agree. I have no conclusion.

Are some people not worth the effort to help? I have a wide variety of clients who take their recovery and treatment to a varying degree of seriousness. Is it not more effective to spend more energy helping people that deserve it? But on the other hand, doesn't everyone deserve a chance... the same chance?

It may sound negative, but I like that I have a job that stretches and challenges me emotionally, professionally, educationally and mentally. My wife is glad that I work at a place that appreciates me, as opposed to a vampiric institution like Northwest Behavioral.

New Toy.

2006-01-05T23:02:00.000-08:00

So, I wheeled and dealed and canoodled and got myself a new iPod.

So you might be asking "Wait, didn't you already have one, goofball?" and the answer would be... Yeah, but this one is NEW. Old and busted versus new hotness. They retooled the iPod line, and this one had a couple cool new features for the same price ($300) as the one I got last year. The new iPod 5th Generations are thinner, lighter, come in a color other than white (finally), have a much larger COLOR LCD screen, can play VIDEO, and hold 10 gigs more than the original entry model... basically everything that made my iPod cool just got cooler. They're new enough that my old one was still selling for a decent price on ebay, so I made most of the purchase price of a new one from that. So now it's ticking away here as I upload my entire music collection. Gosh... these things are so cool! The saying is "I thought I was happy, then I got an iPod". I like being able to carry every song I've ever downloaded and every CD I ever listen to in a cool looking sleek device that weighs 4.8 ounces and is only .4 inches thick!

Much to my wife's chagrin

2005-12-27T20:53:00.000-08:00

"So, what happens if they riot?"

In the event of a facility wide incident, I have been instructed to dispose of my keys and radio (though I never have a radio), and either barricade myself in the offices or try to get out of the facility. In the event that anyone is taken hostage, we will not be negotiated for. Federal law is that will be regarded as terrorist hostages, and the US government does not negotiate in those circumstances. Basically, there better never be a riot, and if there is, my co workers and I better never get cornered.

On the good side, our unit is segregated from general populace, so if there were a problem in the facility at large, most likely all of the inmates on our unit would want just as much as we do to get away from it. In the event that there were problems on the unit, my office is closest to the exit. Ha.

So, isn't it dangerous?

2005-12-24T14:02:00.000-08:00

I get that question a bit. Isn't it dangerous? Do you feel safe? Aren't you worried someone will shank you?

Answer: I feel perfectly safe.

First of all, it's a minimum security facility, which means most all of the inmates aren't dangerous. Second of all, it's what Oregon calls a "release facility". Most inmates come here for the last year to six months of their sentence. I think it's better setup from most states where an inmate can go from total lockdown segregation to the streets overnight. It's like a warmup to getting released.

Second of all, if you know me, I'm a physically intimidating person. I probably have more inmates afraid of me than anything else. (I still have the beard and long hair, FYI) Combine that with the fact that touching me pretty much means a trip to the hole and 6 months more to their sentance, I haven't really heard of any inmate vs. staff violence since I've been in.

Third, most of them know I'm there to help THEM, not be a narc for the DOC. It's very much a give respect, get respect kind of thing. Respect is one of the chief currencies of the system. I think respect is so key because a lot of these men get fundamentally DISrespected because they've broken the law. Sure, this guy committed identity theft or that guy dealt smack, and so in society at large they get fundamentally disrespected. Sure, that's just common sense, but it's one reason why criminals re-offend... they never really get their membership in society back, once it's gone. I myself probably get more respect, and am better liked than average because I like to talk and joke around both on the floor and in my classes (yes, I teach classes). Humor and laughter are a little difficult to come by in prison, so if you can make people laugh and laugh at yourself, you'll be well liked. NOTE: this is different from being a smartass. There are plenty of those on the inside.

Ok, that covers that. What are some things you might like to hear about from my little world?

Life in Prison

2005-12-24T13:57:00.000-08:00

Okay, maybe I'll be able to do a bit of catch up here.

The biggest reason I haven't been posting much lately is my new job. Like I've mentioned earlier, I work at a minimum security correctional facility. It's a whole different world. So not only am I getting used to a new job, a new schedule (I was working graveyards before), but it's really a whole different world. I've gotten used to the job and schedule part, but the culture is a fascinating and new experience every day. I also work pretty long hours so when I come home I pretty much just kiss the wife, eat some dinner, talk, and go to bed. I love my job so far... I get to use my education, feel like I'm making a difference, and have the satisfaction that comes with feeling like I do my job well.

So I figure the best thing for me to do will be to try and cover one little thing at a time. I'll knock one of those posts out tonight after dinner.

2005-12-20T20:45:00.000-08:00

I've just signed the ONE Declaration committing myself to help fight the emergency of global AIDS and extreme poverty.

The first thing I'm doing is asking you to make that commitment, too.

ONE is a new effort by Americans to rally Americans - one by one. So far, over two million have signed the declaration in support of a historic pact for compassion and justice to help the poorest people of the world.

I think your name belongs on that declaration, too. You can put it there by visiting:

www.one.org

This is Bono's (and many other people's) charity cause. Over 2 million people have joined and are active. In two year's time, there will be more members in the One campaign than the NRA. To me, that's not a bad thing. I'm a pretty big fan of activism in any form but extreme.

I'm sorry I've not been writing... work has me so busy... and when I sit, there's so much to write or say, I can't tackle it. Went and saw U2 and Kanye West last night, it was awesome.

Am I the only one...

2005-12-07T18:19:00.000-08:00

Am I the only one who thinks my friend Lumina:

And famous singer/songwriter Carole King:

Bear a certain resemblance?
Different hair color and slightly different coloring... but I guess the strong female jewish artist has a few other prominant genes that go around...

Inane mumblings

2005-11-17T11:07:00.000-08:00

I find that when confronted with an uncomfortable situation, it's best to say something completely random and silly, preferably from a movie made in the 1980's. However, it's important to note that when quoting movies, you AVOID the evil that is Monty Python, Princess Bride, Napoleon Dynamite, or any other overly popular movie in LDS circles. The only major exception would possibly be Office Space, which I don't think can possibly be quoted too much. While primping in the vestry, waiting for the wedding to start, I heard one of Aud's friends say something about being the gatekeeper and keeping me from seeing her, so I naturally replied with:

Gozer the Traveler! He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!

They stared at me like I'd sprouted a new head right at that moment, out of my shoulder. I kind of wished Zannah had been there, she would have laughed a lot.

The Wedding: postgame report

2005-11-12T19:15:00.000-08:00

Everything went better than planned. It was an ultimate best case scenario. I'll tell you all about it when we get home.

Highlights:

The service! So sweet and wonderful.
Our friends all came! Emily Potter took a bus from MONTANA, and suprised me in my basement the day before!
The food at Sanborn's! I had the vegetarian lasagna! It was wonderful!
The cake! It was awesome!
The music! Jai and his jazz trio set the perfect mood.
My beautiful bride, Audrey. I'm so in love with her.

I'm getting married in the morning...

2005-11-11T14:24:00.000-08:00

I'm getting married in the morning,
Ding-dong the bells are going to chime,
Pull out the stopper,
Let's have a whopper!
But get me to the church on time.
I've got to be there in the morning,
Spruced up and looking in my prime,
Girls come and kiss me,
Show how you'll miss me,
But get me to the church on time.
If I am flying,
Then shoot me down,
If I am wooing,
Get her out of town!
Oh, I'm getting married in the morning,
Ding-dong the bells are going to chime,
Kick up a rumpus,
But don't lose the compass
And get me to the church,
Get me to the church,
For Gawd's sake,
Get me to the church, on time!

'mo Prison

2005-11-03T21:25:00.000-08:00

First thing I noticed about prison? It's clean. The only place I've ever worked at that was cleaner would be the BYU art museum. If you read the introduction to the facility I copied below here, you'll notice that all inmates have to work... which means that there's lots of janitors and groundskeepers... honestly the place is cleaner than most church buildings I've been to, and when you consider that 600 men live there, that's a pretty decent achievement.

There's funny rules. I can't wear denim or blue (that's what the inmates wear), and I'm not allowed to intervene or dicipline or anything (a major change from my last social work job). It makes this a sweet opportunity to actually focus on just being a counselor, not merely a babysitter... we have the department of corrections for that. I'm not allowed to wear a tie, since it's a handy weapon.

Next reaction: these are nice guys. Most of them want to be in the program there. Naturally there's the occasional flareup, but it's very different from the adolescent facility I worked at. It's funny to think that I can get a room of 60+ mentally ill and addict felons to behave better than the kids at Northwest. Interestingly enough, there's not a lot of difference between the populations. My boss says the only differences are 20-30 years, facial hair, and a felony.

Anyway, I'm really tired... and there's too much more to say.

2005-11-03T21:15:00.000-08:00

This is where my office is.

(from the website)

"Columbia River Correctional Institution (CRCI) is a 540 bed minimum security facility which was constructed on a 26 acre site in Northeast Portland. Located in the largest metropolitan area of the state, this facility is a combined restitution, alcohol/drug treatment center, and release facilty. The facility provides a full range of correctional services and programs which directly support the Department of Corrections primary mission. These include: A 50 bed residential Alcohol and Drug Treatment Program, called Turning Point, and a 50 bed dual-diagnosis Mental Health Treatment Unit, called Bridgepoint, operating under a contract with a private provider. CRCI also has basic adult education, life skills and job readiness training. Restitution and Community Service work programs for 400 inmates, with assignment to public service crews. The institution employs 120 FTE general funded staff and approximately 50 staff provided under contracted services. CRCI has strong "community oriented" programming for inmates and utilizes a large number of community volunteers in its programs. Inmates residing at Columbia River Correctional Institution are required and expected to work. To that end, work crews are formed and subsequently employed by many public agencies, organizations and private businesses throughout the greater Tri-County area."

That's the basic intro to the facility, I'll now write a reaction and feelings entry... somehow I think keeping them separate is a good idea at the moment.

And Naturally

2005-10-28T19:21:00.000-07:00

Song lyrics photoshop

2005-10-28T17:44:00.000-07:00

Okay, I occasionally participate in Fark.com's photo shop contests... here's my idea for the "photoshop song lyrics." set they had this week. For those of you that can, join in! Visually represent the lyrics of a song, and email it to me at ironchefboyardee@gmail.com and I'll put it up on here. I'll leave the "answer" up in a comment so if you're stumped you can peek!

In the end, I went out the classy route.

2005-10-26T14:36:00.000-07:00

Dear Susan, Duane, and Heather,

This is to inform you that I have decided that it is time to move on, and I have accepted a position elsewhere. I am therefore tendering my resignation from your company and wish to advise you that Sunday, October 30th will be my last day of employment at Lovejoy Station and Pearl Court. On that day I will leave any Bowen property in my possession at Lovejoy Station, and would like to cash out any remaining time off that I have accrued. If there is some difficulty in finding a replacement for me, I am open to the possibility of working the weekend shifts (Friday, Saturday, Sunday) until a new night monitor is hired, but you will need to let me know before 10/30/05. I would like to thank you for the experiences I've had while working for Bowen.

Sincerely,

James Wright
Lovejoy/Pearl Court Night Monitor

2005-10-25T04:20:00.000-07:00

So today I get the EXTREME delight of composing my resignation letter for my current job. I've been waiting for this for a long, long time.

Be glad you can't see me...

2005-10-24T09:58:00.000-07:00

I'm dancing right now.

Oh yes.

I'm doing the "I've got a new job dance".

I am the newest counselor, in charge of transitions, at the Bridgepoint program at the Columbia River Minimum Security Penitentiary. It's a significant pay raise (about 6-7k more a year), and a DAY SHIFT, and it's a great opportunity in counseling. Unlike other places I've worked, I only have to focus on counseling, not dicipline or enforcement (the Department of Corrections is happy to take care of that here). Plus I get to say offhandedly every day, "so, when I got out of prison earlier today..."

Let the celebration begin.

The 10 Questions

2005-10-20T17:24:00.000-07:00

These 10 questions originally came from a French series, "Bouillon de Culture" hosted by Bernard Pivot. It is probably more familiar to many as the question James Lipton asks at the end of "Inside the Actor's Studio."

1. What is your favorite word?
"pontificate"
2. What is your least favorite word?
"but"
3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
For me, the most I've been turned on creatively and such is when I've jammed or played in bands, and I just feel this alive bursting connection with creation. I like standing in a circle with other musicians and just expressing ourselves in that way. It's also when I've felt the most alive.
4. What turns you off?
Ignorance, willful ignorance.
5. What is your favorite curse word?
"Bitch". I especially love calling men this.
6. What sound or noise do you love?
I love the sound that I hear when it's snowed in Oregon, and I go outside into the street, and everything is muffled and quiet... I love the sound of... air, I guess!
7. What sound or noise do you hate?
I hate the sound of buzzers, beepers, and superflous alarms. I don't need a damn alarm to tell me that my seatbelt isn't buckled yet. I don't need an alarm in my office to tell me when the door is open. Oddly enough, I don't mind the alarm to get up in the morning, that serves a legitamate purpose, but it seems there's buzzers, beepers, and noise makers on every damn thing these days.
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
I guess I'd try to be a writer. Maybe an auto mechanic?
9. What profession would you not like to do?
I could never be a server, or wait tables. I just don't have the demeanor for it.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
"Hmmmm..." *peers down at me, stroking chin thoughfully* *looks down at the book of life, up at me, down at the book again, and back to me slowly* "Well...." "Hmmmmm....." "Oh.... alright, I guess."

Anticipation

2005-10-19T22:04:00.000-07:00

So right now, I'm living my life for a phone call.

I interviewed for a new job last week. It went really really well. I felt like I'd fit in well at the program, and that I'd be able to perform the job well. I'm friends with someone who works there, ans was able to use them for a recommendation, so I've got an "IN". It's a significant pay raise, a move to a day shift, and it's in line with my educational pursuits. So now all I have to do is get the news that I've got the job, eh? I can't wait! And yet, waiting is exactly what I am having to do.

So I carry my cell phone with my like it's a rosary. Alpha and Omega, amen.

Everytime someone calls I have to pretend that I'm not disappointed that they're not who I'm hoping will call.

Everyone's saying, "oh, I'm sure you got it..." and I'm sure I got it too... how could they not pick me? I felt really good about the interview and all the answers I gave and my comprehension of their program goals... but sureity doesn't help the waiting. Tomorrow will have been a week, they called my references on Monday, so it could come any day now. I've never been good at the waiting game, which is surprising considering that I'm actually a patient person in most respects. I have held off posting since I knew I was going to have this big news and such, and yet it hasn't come. Perhaps I've invoked it by writing about waiting for it today, and lo, it will happen tomorrow!

If only.

Wedding Bands

2005-10-13T01:50:00.000-07:00

So I got the wedding band I ordered in the mail today. It was made in France in 1876, and is actually two rings that fit together, puzzle fashion. It looks really good and is shiny like a new ring, not one that's 130 years old. I ordered it from an antiques dealer in Amsterdam, and they got it here in like 3 days! Isn't modern transport mind boggling?

Firefly: Serenity

2005-10-03T12:26:00.000-07:00

"As is often true of fantasy/sci-fi themed shows that get cancelled, the rabid fans of Firefly, who'd dubbed themselves "brown-coats," protested the network's decision. They also bought DVDs, lots of them, selling three times the amount they were supposed to sell; there was clearly a market. Universal cagily picked up on this and gave the series a second chance, this time as a feature film.

In Firefly a band of mercenaries survive on the fringes of civilized space. It is five hundred years in the future and the galaxy has just ended a brutal civil war. The captain of the ship "Serenity" is Malcolm "Mal" Reynolds and he was on the losing side of the conflict against the totalitarian pan-galactic government called the Alliance, which sought unification and harmony among all the planets, at any cost.

Also on the losing side was Mal's second-in-command, Zoe, who owes the captain her life, which she repays with fierce loyalty. Zoe's husband, Wash, is more laid-back, even though he has the stressful task of piloting the ship. Kaylee is the perpetually vivacious, engineer and Jayne is a mercenary with very little loyalty to anyone at all. On the show they ended up bringing along a brother and sister in their travels, Simon, a secretive doctor and River, a psychically gifted young woman whose physical and mental talents are such that she is considered a dangerous weapon and a threat to the stability of the galaxy.

Serenity starts out with a little back-story as Simon frees River from an Alliance deprogramming center. Almost immediately they are being tracked by the relentless Alliance Operative. He will stop at nothing to get River back, since it turns out holding a psychic in a secret naughty government installation could be a bad idea... she somehow knows some deep, dark governmental secret, though neither she nor Simon has a clue as to what it may be.

The Operative is so ruthless that it becomes evident that harboring River has become prohibitively expensive for the crew of "Serenity." As they scrape by, from friendly port to friendly port, they realize they may have to go to the edge of the known universe, through the vicious race of cannibals called the Reavers, to get themselves out of their current jamb. All of this is thrown at the uninitiated viewer as if they should know what a Reaver is, or that the next port they're going to is safe for them. The interplay among the characters feels comfortable, as small reactions tell of entire histories (or at least a season's worth of association).Part of the fun is connecting the dots."

-IMDB review, slightly edited and paraphrased.

I was a huge Firefly fan, and between Firefly, Futurama, and Family Guy, I'm convinced Fox couldn't manage their way out of a paper bag. Such complete bungling of some of the best shows on TV, while they push another season of the latest Paris Hilton shit on us... sigh, I have to go take my blood pressure medicine.

Go see the movie. It's witty and cool. River kicks a whole lot of ass.

They're animals.

2005-10-01T02:44:00.000-07:00

I have to kill some time here at work before I go home. It's friday night, which if you're like me and the night dude at a swanky downtown apartment complex, means the parade of frat boys and women made up like hoes going out to hit da club. They all leave between 8 and 10, then come back between 1 and 4 in various states of sobriety. Some bring people with them (you think I'm just the office dude, but hey, I notice when you've brought home 4 different guys in two weeks), and some come home in packs.

I wondered about this for a while. It's never really been my scene. Are these people really expecting to meet someone when they're out there dressed like someone they're not acting like someone they're not. How are you supposed to find love in a bar? It's silly.

New Layout, pt II : Electric Boogaloo

2005-09-26T19:44:00.000-07:00

Okay, I ditched the other new layout as it was too much like one of my other friend's blogs. I decided to go external from the regular blogger templates and forge a new path. I'll see if I like this enough tomorrow to stick with.

New Layout

2005-09-26T00:40:00.000-07:00

So, I'm toying around with a new layout and all that jazz. Questions? Complaints? I don't care.