So I am trucking along at the new job. Starting a new job in my career chosen field is a strange experience. I know how to be a case manager or a counselor or to interact with clients, but every program has different priorities and different people and different ways of doing things. This job has different responsibilities than my previous one, and eventually, a much greater degree of autonomy. The clients are also vastly different. In mental healthspeak, they are severe and persistant mentally ill, with histories of abuse, addiction, and violence. In layman's terms, they are the craziest of the crazy. I went with another case worker for a secure escort (when we're with a potentiall dangerous client, we don't go alone) We took this guy from our clinic to a safe house (that he was kicked out of later that day), and I got to listen to the most interesting disjointed conversation I've ever heard. I so wish I had a tape recorder. You'd ask him a question, and the first three or four words would be on topic, but then the next four would be an phrase about something completely different, and the last half of the sentance about something. It wasn't word salad... it was full blown sentance salad.
"You know, none of this is real... they say the world is round but it isn't... girls can't see colors... so the angels opened their hands and... you know I'm okay with you I feel safe... and I told the angel that I want to be inside if I can .... and make you feel safe within all the paper... I like magenta and gree but the bus is leaving tomorrow... Cars are very safe, they protect you..."
And it went on like that for 20-30 minutes. I can't keep an impresion up for more than 30 seconds at a a time... but really, it was kind of beautiful in it's own way. I spent time today with someone who lives on the same planet as I do, but definitely not the same world.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Wow
I am humbled by the awesome friends I/we have. I am just now getting to read all of your comments from the last few weeks. I had been thinking I was more alone than I was. Thanks to all for the thoughtfulness, support, and sympathy.
Oh, and I am NOT girly, T-Durk. I only wanted to go so I could see you and Kaarina. I got to see Kaarina the night before, so the biggest truth is I would have gone to see you! Ha! And you dare call me girly!
Oh, and I am NOT girly, T-Durk. I only wanted to go so I could see you and Kaarina. I got to see Kaarina the night before, so the biggest truth is I would have gone to see you! Ha! And you dare call me girly!
Thursday, April 13, 2006
I am employed.
So here's the thing.
I applied for a couple openings that my parent company had, and interviewed last week for a spot on the Core-ACT program, as a case manager and therapist. This week I went in and spent a chunk of the day with them shadowing. At the end the manager took me into his office and asked me "when can you start?" So I'm happy now. Too bad about that whole fear engine thing, but time makes fools of us all, I guess... not unlike the time I made cottage cheese in my locker. So all told, it's a new job for the same company, a little bit of a pay raise, some added job security, and even paid parking downtown! I work about two or three blocks from Powells, the best bookstore in the whole world!
So what will I be doing?
This program is called the Core-ACT program, it stands for Active Community Treatment. Basically it's a nonprofit that works to relieve the load on the police, hospitals, and community with regards to handling and caring for people with acute mental illnesses. Basically, the craziest of the crazies that blow out of the more ordinary programs. My exact responsibilities on the team are yet to be determined, as the program is basically doubling in size. I'll either be an "ordinary" caseworker, a Drug and Alcohol specialist, or the State Hospital Waiting List reduction case manager. So the next time you're downtown and you see the guy having a debate with the phone pole who looks like he hasn't showered in a month, say hi, chances are he knows me.
I applied for a couple openings that my parent company had, and interviewed last week for a spot on the Core-ACT program, as a case manager and therapist. This week I went in and spent a chunk of the day with them shadowing. At the end the manager took me into his office and asked me "when can you start?" So I'm happy now. Too bad about that whole fear engine thing, but time makes fools of us all, I guess... not unlike the time I made cottage cheese in my locker. So all told, it's a new job for the same company, a little bit of a pay raise, some added job security, and even paid parking downtown! I work about two or three blocks from Powells, the best bookstore in the whole world!
So what will I be doing?
This program is called the Core-ACT program, it stands for Active Community Treatment. Basically it's a nonprofit that works to relieve the load on the police, hospitals, and community with regards to handling and caring for people with acute mental illnesses. Basically, the craziest of the crazies that blow out of the more ordinary programs. My exact responsibilities on the team are yet to be determined, as the program is basically doubling in size. I'll either be an "ordinary" caseworker, a Drug and Alcohol specialist, or the State Hospital Waiting List reduction case manager. So the next time you're downtown and you see the guy having a debate with the phone pole who looks like he hasn't showered in a month, say hi, chances are he knows me.
Monday, April 10, 2006
Mostly, my ire has been raised.
I've been angry at work a lot.
So, like I mentioned, I have ben actively searching for a new job.
In order to do so, I had to mourn the old job.
I think this is the first time that I've lost a job where I was not only doing an excellent job, but it was completely unexpected. Now that some time has past I have a better understanding of what may have really been going on. My program got the shaft from the director of the state's Counseling and Treatment Services division. He thinks he can get two counselors, a supervisor, and an office specialist to do the work of two managers, two mental health specialists, three counselors, and two office specialists. Obviously the quality of care is going to suffer considerably, but that's not CTS' priority, money is. That's life in the real world, true, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.
But mostly, I've been angry at work lately.
If I have to sit in one more meeting while I listen to state workers obfuscate the truth of matters, I swear I'll jam my ballpoint pen directly into the base of my skull and kill myself. But oh no, that will not be the end of it. When my tainted spirit finds it's ultimate destination, I will topple the master of that dark place. From my black throne I will lash together a machine of bone and blood, and fueled by my hatred this fear engine will bore a hole between that world and this one. When it happens, all they will hear is the sound of children screaming, as if from a great distance. A smoking orb of nothing will form and pulsate above their expensively coiffed heads, and from that orb will emerge a thousand starving crows. As I slip through the widening blackened maw in my new form, they will only catch a glimpse of my radiance before they are incinerated. Then, as tears of bubbling pitch stream down my face, my dark work will begin.
I will open one of my six mouths, and I will sing the song that ends the earth, and all things that in it are.
Yeah, you could say I've been angry about how this whole work situation has turned out.
So, like I mentioned, I have ben actively searching for a new job.
In order to do so, I had to mourn the old job.
I think this is the first time that I've lost a job where I was not only doing an excellent job, but it was completely unexpected. Now that some time has past I have a better understanding of what may have really been going on. My program got the shaft from the director of the state's Counseling and Treatment Services division. He thinks he can get two counselors, a supervisor, and an office specialist to do the work of two managers, two mental health specialists, three counselors, and two office specialists. Obviously the quality of care is going to suffer considerably, but that's not CTS' priority, money is. That's life in the real world, true, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.
But mostly, I've been angry at work lately.
If I have to sit in one more meeting while I listen to state workers obfuscate the truth of matters, I swear I'll jam my ballpoint pen directly into the base of my skull and kill myself. But oh no, that will not be the end of it. When my tainted spirit finds it's ultimate destination, I will topple the master of that dark place. From my black throne I will lash together a machine of bone and blood, and fueled by my hatred this fear engine will bore a hole between that world and this one. When it happens, all they will hear is the sound of children screaming, as if from a great distance. A smoking orb of nothing will form and pulsate above their expensively coiffed heads, and from that orb will emerge a thousand starving crows. As I slip through the widening blackened maw in my new form, they will only catch a glimpse of my radiance before they are incinerated. Then, as tears of bubbling pitch stream down my face, my dark work will begin.
I will open one of my six mouths, and I will sing the song that ends the earth, and all things that in it are.
Yeah, you could say I've been angry about how this whole work situation has turned out.
It's been too long since I've posted
1) Happy Birthday Audrey!
My wonderful wife is 25 today. We're going to dinner, dessert, and then a concert (The Samples are in town!)
2) Looking for work, had an interview that went real well, expecting offer soon, another interview or two next week. I'm not worried about being employed, but I'm contemplating the effect of taking a different position might have on my career.
3) I'm a slob.
My wonderful wife is 25 today. We're going to dinner, dessert, and then a concert (The Samples are in town!)
2) Looking for work, had an interview that went real well, expecting offer soon, another interview or two next week. I'm not worried about being employed, but I'm contemplating the effect of taking a different position might have on my career.
3) I'm a slob.
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