So someone asked me...

I was asked "what movies would you say I HAVE to see?" by a friend the other day. I thought about it a bit, and decided there's no accounting for your taste, and told you to piss off. Now I think about it some more, and I think I will make a little list of movies that I treasure a lot. I admit, I like me some wierd trade, but if you're a Titanic and Princess Bride type, that's all well and good for you. I love film as art, so I tend to like headier wierder things.

So, with no further adieu, here's my...

LIST OF MOVIES THAT FEED MY MIND...
Garden State
Donnie Darko
Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
The Hours
I Heart Huckabees
Clerks
Good Will Hunting
Memento
Spirited Away

BEAUTIFUL MOVIES...(style baby, style)
Hero
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
The Ring
The Matrix
What Dreams May Come
Ghost In The Shell 1&2

CLASSICS... The good do not die young!
2001: A Space Odyssey
Harold and Maude
Kramer vs Kramer
The Dirty Dozen
My Fair Lady
Enter The Dragon
Apocalypse Now

Yes, I know it's a fairly pedestrian topic for a blog post, but I put it on here so that I can refer to it later. And the month difference between my last post and the current date was starting to make me feel guilty.

I'm wierd, aren't I? Growing up I was a little bit of a nerd, then a really big one in high school, and now... just quirky. I don't care about the same things other people do, I suppose. I'm more interested in art, music, and a good book than American Idol. I guess I got caught up a lot in the being a good Latter Day Saint and getting married and making babies... but now that I'm a little removed from it, I don't know that I can honestly say I care that much about it. I mean, I guess I'm worried about being alone, but maybe that's not the same thing. I worry about living a life of quiet desperation. I worry about surrounding myself with people who care about things and like creating and exploring more than pretending they're something that they aren't. When I find people like that, I work desperately to try and make them love me, like it's going to replace the understanding that I have never really gotten from my family. I wonder sometimes what people in my Utah wards thought of me. I did my best to fit in most of the time. I think I was more tolerated than appreciated, but I guess we take what we can get in a pinch, no?

I'll share a secret with you though. Maybe I'm not scared about not getting married or being a good Mormon, but I am scared about being wrong about what's interesting and important to center my life around. I moved back to Portland because I wanted to live deliberately, in a manner of my own choosing. Not more evil or more unconstrained by rules... just... different. I'm not Brian, David Snow... or even Granger. I couldn't be if I wanted to. I guess I'm scared that they're on the right path to being happy, and I'm on the right path to... be wierd.

I haven't cut my hair since last June or so, coming up on about seven months now. I don't know how long it will be before I cut it again. It has become wild, unruly, and completely impossible to control or manage. I revel in it's chaos, I suppose. All of my friends seem to love it, which is good. I think what I like about it the most is that it IS different. When I used to get haircuts I always would end up coming away from it disappointed. After every haircut I look more or less the same, only with shorter hair. I've even gone in and said "suprise me, do something totally different than I've ever had!" and at the end, more of the same.

Moving time

Yes, yes, I know I haven't updated. Yes, yes, I know I'm a slacker. Lay off, willya? The holidays were nice, filled with ups and downs. One bit of news is that I've moved to new digs. I'm living with my friends Brian and Rich, and while I have a certain apprehension for the unknown, I think it will be a fun good happy joyjoy place to be.

There isn't really a huge reason why I've not updated, but most of my news and events from the last month are personal (friends, family, illnesses) and the sort of thing I promised I wouldn't fill my blog with.

Decisions

This weekend I spent time at a friend's place, under the pretenses of making christmas cards, but what it really turned into was a fairly intense spiritual discussion. What we know, what is true, what we don't know, what we don't understand. I came away from it not feeling very good. There are so many things, so many big questions in life I am clueless about. I have a lot of big decisions to be making, and I'm not entirely sure how to go about figuring them out.

What do you look at while you're making up your mind? Ours is not a reflective culture, really, we do not raise our eyes up to the hills or bow to the east. Most of the time we decide the most critical things in our lives while staring at a linoleum floor of an institutional corridor or staring at the cheap industrial carpet of some waiting room while a television vomits nonsense.

I walked around my house seeking something, anything. My family didn't take many pictures while I was growing up, so there's not a lot to look back on. Sometimes my parents house feels like it could be anyone's, like anyone could live there. I guess I pace a lot when I'm trying to decide things, I'm not sure why. I guess I wonder how much I can change, how much I can effect, and how the world is going to be within the reach of my arm.

Progress Musically

We did finally end up going with "The 83" as our band name. Yes, there's only four of us. Hey, Ben Folds Five only had three guys, get off my back.

Last night "The 83" played our ward's Christmas party. It wasn't that big a deal, but it was 300 people who at least didn't throw their catered dinners at us. I came away from it feeling sparked. We played well, played tight, and I felt good about my stage presence and energy. I was genuinely having fun up there and one or two people commented that they noticed it (unbidden, no less). We played two originals and a cover of 10k Maniacs "These Are Days". It looks like we may have two shows in January, so hopefully the ball will get rolling soon.

I don't have any hopes or ambitions for our band, I'm just so happy to be creating and making music again. Every one of those basslines I play is MINE. I wrote them, I polished them, I created them. And when I play them for people, simple though they may be, it's me I'm putting out there. Don't worry, I'm not offended if you don't like the songs, I'm just happy to have something that's an extension of me floating out in the air and into your ears. That's why I love making music. It's like speaking a beautiful language that can express things where words fall short.

Election Fallout.

This will be a bit of an uncertain post to write. As well we all know, Bush won the election a week ago. Obviously in Portland there was much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. What's been... interesting I guess is to see the fallout among people whose opinions I value greatly. When I went to school in Utah, it was comical: All of God's good little children always voted Republican. Being a person with a bit of common sense, a bit of analytical ability, and a college degree that focused on valid social issues, it's hard for me to respect a group of people who would vote for Hitler were he to be nominated by the GOP.

Then I move back home to Portland. Where the general urban populace would vote for Hitler as long as he was a democrat. On either end of the political spectrum, it's just stupid blind dogma. I have a lot of thoughts on the current political landscape, but for this post (there will be more in the coming days), I want to state what I feel about what's happened.

I voted for John Kerry for the simple reason that I am, or have been an example of everything he campaigned about. I lost a job to outsourcing. I have a college degree and can't find a good job. I have no medical or any other kind of health insurance because my employer doesn't feel like they need to offer health benefits until you've been with the company for a year or so. I believe that our country can do better than it's doing, and I honestly don't think it will with George W. Bush as the president. I don't feel more safe from terrorists because we invaded Iraq and abandoned the UN. I don't appreciate being lied to by my government. Do I think it was a bad thing to remove a tyrant? No. Do you think we were honestly dealt with as to exactly why we invaded Iraq by the Bush administration? I sure hope no one is that gullible.

Am I liberal? I don't know. I don't support abortion rights at all, and I really don't care about gay marriage, which seem to be the two accused touchstones of "those darn liberals". When in reality, I know that's just a bogeyman that conservatives use to tell themselves that they have God on their side. It is a difficult place to be in. I am a spiritual and religous man, so that obviously means I don't fit in so well with the left wing of things... but on the other hand, I CRINGE when I go to fast and testimony meeting and hear that "God annointed George Bush to be out next president" (true story), because I know in my heart he is no better choice for my future or my family's. Like a lot of life, I don't feel like I fit in here or there. I have lots more to say on this... I'll take up my pen again later.

New Band Performs

So the new band and I had a gig on Friday night. It went really well, despite a short setlist. We only played 5 songs, and we all really wished we had more. Unfortunately at this point, we are lacking a name. Anyone have any ideas? We're a folk R&B kind of quarted (cross nora jones with 10000 maniacs), so unfortunately some cool names I have had on the back burner don't work.

Current suggestions being batted around:

Under Debate
Day's Memory
Failed by Absence
Twilight Fades
Metallica

I'm leaning towards Metallica, myself.

Ashlee Simpson revealed for the no talent hack she is.

Well, Ashlee Simpson fell on her face on SNL the other night. I am grinning from ear to ear over it.

NEW YORK (Billboard) - ' Ashlee Simpson is reportedly taking the heat for deciding to lip-sync during a performance on NBC's "Saturday Night Live" over the weekend, a plan that backfired when the vocals to the wrong song were audible during her second appearance.

Simpson had already performed her single "Pieces of You" and had returned to the "SNL" stage to run through the title track of her Geffen debut album, "Autobiography." As the band kicked into the song, her vocals to the first song were heard while Simpson held her microphone at her side.

Flustered, she improvised a few dance steps before bolting from the stage. NBC quickly cut to a commercial.

At the close of the show, Simpson deflected the blame, telling the viewing audience "I feel so bad. My band started playing the wrong song." Geffen issued a statement blaming a computer glitch that should have played pre-recorded percussion rather than the "Pieces of You" vocals.

Simpson was reportedly singing a different tune Monday. MTV, home to her reality series "The Ashlee Simpson Show," reported on its Web site that Simpson admitted to lip syncing on the show because her voice has suffering from "the stresses of a heavy promotional schedule." '

Pathetic, but it shows her for the hack she is. At least her sister can sing. I hate corporate music with a passion. It's manufactured Walmart garbage, not art.

Ashlee Simpson Sucking it on SNL

So someone asked me the other day if they could get the internet on their computer. I said I'd do what I could, and so I started downloading it.

ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD

Local college student Eric Peterson recently announced that he's entered a committed relationship... with himself. Peterson vehemently denied rumors that the he was dating other people. "I'm totally committed to myself. We've never been happier." When asked what prompted the campus heartthrob to take himself off the market, he chalked it up in large part to his current financial situation, claming that recent fluxuations in the economy were making it too expensive for him to date around. "It was partly a cost-effective decision on my part, but it's been really nice for us to spend more time together."

So I was sitting there

So I was sitting there, and suddenly Gonzo starts singing to me

I wish I had a coat of silk,
the color of the sky.
I wish I had a lady fair,
as any butterfly.
I wish I had a house of stone,
that looked down on the sea.
But most of all I wish that I
was someone else but me.

Now I don't have a coat of silk,
but I still have the sky.
Now I don't have a lady,
but there goes a butterfly.
Now I don't have a house of stone,
but I can see the sea.
Now most of all I know that I
am happy to be me.
I'm happy to be me.

It worked for me.

Music as muse

Looks like a musical project I have been looking forward to starting for a few months now is actually going to get off the ground! Got together with 3/4 of the new band and laid out a demo last night, and did a little jamming. The drummer is incredibly talented, and the songs Stacey has written definitely have her style and vocal ability portrayed well. As Stace and I drove back, we were both really excited for prospects and to be involved with a musical project again. I love music so much, so to be involved with other musicians creating just gets me excited and babbly and... yeah, I probably shouldn't post when I'm like that (ha-ha!). I don't think we have a name yet, but there's a tenative gig scheduled toward the end of the month, so I'll keep me posted on that front. Ooh, what am I going to wear?

New baby

Yay, the new system build is progressing nicely. I had been planning on buying a budget Chaintech motherboard, but when I was window shopping in fry's this week, they had the fairly difficult to find (even online) DFI Lanparty NF3-250gb motherboard. Not only did they have it in stock, but it was the same price as the best case scenario online! Once the paycheck hits I should be getting the rest of the components... and then I'll have the dorkiest post my blog has ever seen: Mah Baby, the assembly (dun dun dahhh!)