All I really need to know, I learned in chick flicks.

The sad thing about all this is, I actually like chick flicks... but only some of them. I have now figured out that the chick flicks I DO like at least go through the motions of portraying men and women in something resembling realistic fashion. If I'm watching a girl movie, and the man is behaving in a manner that no sane sober male would, I can't connect to it, and end up throwing popcorn and making nasty remarks. So it is with tongue firmly planted in cheek that I give you the list of key relationship ideas I got from watching chick flicks.

1. You'll always meet someone by magic or random means. You can't meet the man of your dreams in a bar or at a party. It only happens either if he randomly shows up in your office, if he made some sort of bet about you, if he saved your life or from a fate worse than death, usually your psycho ex.

2. There's someone out there for everyone. Everyone is destined to find that one true love that they'll be completely happy with, apparently without having to actually work on maintaining a relationship. If you are alone, it can't possibly be because YOU need to work on anything, you just need to find someone who "gets" you.

3. In your search for love, always target schoolteachers, bartenders, widowers, or anyone who was once successful before hitting a stretch of bad luck. This way, when they finally turn their lives around or come into some money, they'll erroneously think that you were the reason.

4. If you're dating someone who is passionate about something, he will absolutely give that up for you because all men change once they fall in love. Never mind that the habits and passions he had are what made the person you fell in love with in the first place.

5. You can have only three friends: A smart friend who's pretty in a quirky way, a really hot friend who's kind of slutty and an overweight girl who doesn't say much. You can only hang out with these people all at once. If there's anyone in your life who doesn't fit one of those three categories, get rid of them.

6. Your boyfriend's friends only get in the way. The sooner you can destroy them, the better.

7. If you become pregnant, don't worry – you won't actually have the baby. It's just a temporary dilemma so you can break up for a month and he'll realize that he can't live without you – mainly because you helped him to get rid of all the other things he did.

8. If you're breaking up with the guy to prove a point, immediately find the best-looking guy in your office and invite him over to dinner, then hope the other guy shows up. When he shows up, he won't do anything vengeful like get drunk and hook up with the nearest bimbo. He'll simply stop shaving and showering until one of his friends goes over to his house to snap some sense into him.

9. When you finally get back together, make sure it happens in the goofiest place possible – whether it's a baseball stadium, the top of a skyscraper, a flower garden in central park (popular hangout for many a heterosexual male, believe you me).

10. Either you will end up living happily ever after, or you will find a deep friendship with a gay man that will end up being just as satisfying.

In time, even death itself might be abolished.

I was sending an email to a friend today, and I wrote, "Do you ever wonder if there is another time period you should have, or could have lived in? It's something my friend Dane and I used to talk about on occasion when I lived in Utah. My first major in college was in fact History, though I didn't stick with it for very long... but I've allways had a certain affinity for times long gone. "

It made me think of Sgt Barry Benson, a South Carolina veteran in the army of Northern Virgnia. And antecedant of mine. My family originally comes from all over the south, mostly Missouri. Bring Mormon, it always amuses me to hear accounts of pioneer ancestry, because there's more than a decent chance it was my own forefathers driving them out. Barry Benson enlisted in the Confederate army at the age of 18, three months before Sumter and served through Appomatox. (beginning to the end of the Civil War). So when he got around to composing his reminiscences and memoirs, he hoped his words would carry some weight with his decendants for a long time.

Reliving the war in words, he began to wish he could relive it in fact. And he came to believe that he and his fellow soliers, grey and blue, might one day be able to do just that. If not here on earth, then afterwards in Valhalla.

"Who knows," he asked as his narrative drew toward it's close.

"But it may be given to us after this life to meet again in the old quarter. Play chess and drafts and get up soon to answer the morning roll call. To fall in at the tap of the drum for drill and dress parade. And again to hastily don our war gear while the monotonous patter of a long roll summons to battle . Who knows but again the old flags ragged and torn, snapping in the wind may face each other in flutter pursuing and pursued, while the cries of victory fill a summer day. And after the battle, then the slain and wounded will arise and all will meet together under the two flags all sound and well. There will be talking and laughter and cheers and all will say, 'Did it not seem real? Was it not as in the old days?'"

What a thing it must be to look back on a life and have something so epic and glorious in it. There's no undiscovered country for me to discover or new land to tame, now. Perhaps I should have indeed been born in a different time.

Setec Astronomy

Like some, I recently found the blog of secrets, located at

http://postsecret.blogspot.com

It's a blog where people send in a postcard with writing or artwork describing a secret they have. Naturally, I started thinking about secrets of my own. I have a lot. Most people would agree that I wear my heart on my sleeve quite a bit, and I suppose that would lead one to think that they know all their is to know about me, which I generally suppose is the point. I'm open about a lot of things because life's to short to be misunderstood... but the things I don't talk about, I keep quiet about because I don't want you to know.

What would my card look like? What would yours?