I don't know how to summarize what's been going on. Things at work have been gradually declining for the last 6 months, getting hairier and nastier. About 6 weeks ago the COO was fired, well known to be the CEO's chief axeman (axewoman, as the case may be). Without any buffers between the board and the CEO, a lot of the scummier rumors as to some of the corporate mismanagement were proved to be true. About four weeks ago the CEO "resigned" (actual conditions of leaving the company uncertain, rumors abound). A week after that it turns out we were days from bankruptcy. Our company told us none of this until after it was in the papers and on the news.

Then things at work really started to change. We had two teams of 9 clinicians on each team covering 200ish clients. One clinician left a bit before this started, finding greener pastures. Then the company fired three clinicians on the other team for unknown reasons, whispers of productivity quotas were going around. Then the supervisor and assistant supervisor from the other team left as well. Since they were down to 3 people, they compressed the two teams into one. All our caseloads, already full, went up by 50%, few of them with Medicare-compliant case files. We have had little choice but to keep plugging away. Every day we check our email hoping for some news or some kind of leadership or direction, and each day, nada. We'll probably find out the ship's finally sunk on the news.

So our company defaulted on a 2 million dollar loan back in January (again, no one knew till we read it in the papers). The county and state bailed the company out and loaned the company an additional 2.5 million dollars two weeks later to keep the company afloat. That money should probably last until the end of the month, after which who knows. The county and state didn't really have a choice, since this company serves about 20,000 of the city's mentally ill, the vast majority of whom would suddenly be without services. So they really didn't have a choice but to keep this company afloat, and have since taken over the finances and are (reportedly) desperately trying to divvy out the various programs and sites to other mental healthcare providers, none of whom are large enough, or foolish enough to take on contracts that don't pay enough to keep a company afloat.

So this week our program director resigned as well. That pretty much leaves my supervisor running the program I work for, with a suitcase load of promises that she'll get the support she needs, trying to cover two team's worth of people with one team. History has shown that promises of the corporate side of our company to be pretty worthless.

It's funny being in the middle of this situation. Our company was blatantly and unprofessionally mismanaged and deserves to be razed and sewn under with salt. Amusingly enough, the clowns who perpetrated this disaster have secured themselves a golden parachute and will be working somewhere else a few months from now. We're left trying to hold things together with spit and baling wire. My situation is unique, with my future in a new career already lined up. Whatever happens here, I'm fine and good and okay, which is the main reason why I'm not emotionally attached to the outcome. If this were my career here, I'd be close to going postal. It's pretty grim at work, but we're all working as hard as humanly possible, hoping something comes together for the clients.

Why do we stay? Various reasons I suppose. Some people are pretty codependent on their job, some don't have any other employment options. Mostly we stay for the clients. We were entrusted with the care of these people, many of whom are pretty vulnerable, and if we weren't here, it just wouldn't happen. So some of us are sticking to see this through.

So here's the thing.

Procrastination takes on a life of it's own. And when it comes to my blog it becomes this sort of cyber still life where events are frozen in time and it'll always be August 7th, or July 23rd if you want it to be.

Obviously life does not get a pause button as well. So while my blog has stayed frozen in time, time has goose stepped on whether I liked it or not. And unfortunately most of my thoughts have been rooted in the day to day grind and not blog fodder. So... yeah.

My company appears to be going down the tubes. You can read about it here:
http://www.portlandtribune.com/news/story.php?story_id=120959946472928400
http://www.oregonlive.com/news/oregonian/index.ssf?/base/news/1209527715247440.xml&coll=7
http://blog.oregonlive.com/breakingnews/2008/04/county_scrambles_to_cover_as_m.html

Looks like we'll be open tomorrow though, and hopefully there will be paychecks. Make no mistake about it, work has been a holy nightmare over the last month, and on a consistant downhill trend for months before that.

And yet despite the hurricane, I'm as cool as a cucumber. Why, you may ask. Aside from my typically stoic nature, I'm fairly detached from the proceedings, because I came to the conclusion a few months back that mental health was not a good career field for me (an opinion that has obviously been vindicated through recent events). Too dependant on political whim or vulnerable to mismanagment, too fiscally unviable; not so much my pay, as the industry as a whole. So I looked at what I liked, what I wanted, and I applied to graduate school.

And I got in.

This fall I will be attending Marylhurst University and getting my Master's in teaching. Like Aud, I'm going to be a high school teacher. Not too surprising... we were working in the same field when we got together and now that similarity will continue. I'm excited for a new beginning and a career in teaching. So like the cockroach, with disaster falling all around me, I have found a place to scurry and forge on. Huzzah! So there it is, faithful reader. My life has been a rollercoaster not unlike this post. Still, while I could definitely be less stressed, I couldn't be happier. Like Bob Marley sang, "Every little thing's gonna be alright!" More on the how's and why's later.