Chrysalis

So, went to a friend's wedding this weekend. It was tons of fun, a joyous occasion, a celebration of love. It was also a chance to spend time with some dear friends whom I haven't gotten to see much of. Going to our friend Michelle's wedding meant getting to pal around Seattle with Emily and Paul, which resulted in nice long talks and periods of reflection. About who we are, who we were, what has changed, what hasn't. How we've been bridging the gap between becoming... and being. If you're one of my Portland friends, chances are you know some of the story. We were a merry band of misfits and artists, and we came together in a spirit of connection and camaraderie. We all went to the same church, which afforded us ample fodder for discussion, as well as easy outlets for social interaction.

Time passed.
Some of us got married (guilty).
Some of us got careers.
Some of us went and pursued additional education.
Some of us fled the country, in search of enlightenment, truth, or in search of Self.
Some of us found their lifestyle or beliefs incompatible with the religion we all shared, and don't go to the church we once all went to, and have found other outlets for spiritual discovery.

So we were essentially flung to the four corners of the earth, or at least across a few states in this country. Some of us, most of us really, aren't as close as we used to be. This, as they say, is life. But going to Michelle's wedding with Paul and Emily brought together a cross section from our group of friends and got me to think about what's passed. As I am prone to do, I think many things about us and our various lifestyles and situations, but I think for once I'll put a few of these thoughts out there.

I realized that I don't particularly care so much about what people do, as long as they're being authentic and genuine with who they are and what they want. Michelle cut off contact with us for a long time. She did it in order to find herself and do what she needed to do to become the person she is now. I understood it then, I get it now, and while I was sad for a time that talking to Meesh was not going to be possible, I don't begrudge her the necessity of it. I got married during that time. I remembered on the drive up to Seattle that because of the circumstances of our lives, Meesh wasn't able to be there. Of course, Meesh brought this up at her rehearsal dinner with a certain degree of regret and sorrow. I don't regret it in the slightest, and I told her so. I fumbled about trying to explain why, and while I got my point across, I think I can say it a little more eloquently now.

We are, all of us, bridging the gap between becoming and being. This takes many forms. And while I don't agree with many decisions my friends make, I don't agree with all of the decisions I even make for myself, so how could I hold it against them? I don't begrudge the caterpillar it's cocoon, it has to have it to become a butterfly. I don't begrudge Paul leaving the church any more than I do Emily going to India, as long as the end result is authentic. Even our mistakes are necessary. I don't regret some of the stupider dating choices I've made, because if I hadn't made them, I couldn't be where I'm at now, in love and married. I celebrate the choices Meesh has made because spending time with her I saw a lot happier, peaceful, content, genuine Michelle than I ever saw when she was going to the same church as me and dating my gender. I've pretty much always felt this way about most things that people do. I tend to have problems when people say one thing, and do another (guilty). I tend to have problems when people make lifestyle choices that aren't about exploring and connecting to themselves, but doing something different because they think it'll make them happy.

If you're not happy and fulfilled now, getting married isn't going to make you happier. If you don't have a good marriage now, having kids isn't going to fix it. If you're lost and uncertain about your sexuality, going to a church to have them tell you what to do isn't going to help you find your way. I personally don't care what you do, as long as it's what you feel you must do to get to where you want to go. If you're my friend, it's because I think enough of who you are that I'm interested in what roads you take, where you're going, and what you think about it. I mean think about it. None of us are where we were 5 years ago when we all met. While we're all in vastly different places, physically, spiritually, and otherwise, I think it's pretty safe to say just about all of us are happier. That's not bad.

New Skunk!

We adopted a skunk from a close friend of ours who is moving out of the country. Her name is Aroma. She's a very pretty skunk.
So it's been a fun adjustment for all of us. Tobias has NOT enjoyed bringing another skunk into his territory, even if it's a pretty girl skunk. He spent a lot of time in his hidey hole under the bathroom sink sulking. Aroma has taken up residence under the living room couch. When mealtime rolls around, Aroma is obviously used to eating with other skunks, Toby is not. She completely kicked his ass the first couple times we've fed them, despite being quite a bit smaller than Tobias. She'll just body check him out of the way and then stand on top of the food and eat what's between her feet. We've had to separate them at meal times. Toby has caught on to her game, though, and now when we're preparing food, it's a skunk frenzy at our feet, stomping and snorting over who gets to be the next to beg. I can no longer eat snacks at my desk, they tussle under my chair.
So now Aroma has gotten used to us a bit, she's moved upstairs and taken residence in the office closet. Toby, not to be outdone, then claimed her spot for his own, to which Aroma responded by walking away and taking Toby's place under the sink. They really seem to have a "I want what YOU have!" thing going on. When Toby comes to bed for snuggle time, Aroma will come and climb up on the bed and sniff around. She will occasionally want to be picked up but isn't sleeping with us yet. I'm hopeful for the future though. Last night when we came home we found them both under the sink, curled up on opposite sides of the cabinet. Then again, Tobias has greatly increase his acting out and naughty behavior, acting very much the resentful only child. So time will tell.

Gas prices.

They need to make those "Truth" commercials for the gas companies.