Chrysalis

So, went to a friend's wedding this weekend. It was tons of fun, a joyous occasion, a celebration of love. It was also a chance to spend time with some dear friends whom I haven't gotten to see much of. Going to our friend Michelle's wedding meant getting to pal around Seattle with Emily and Paul, which resulted in nice long talks and periods of reflection. About who we are, who we were, what has changed, what hasn't. How we've been bridging the gap between becoming... and being. If you're one of my Portland friends, chances are you know some of the story. We were a merry band of misfits and artists, and we came together in a spirit of connection and camaraderie. We all went to the same church, which afforded us ample fodder for discussion, as well as easy outlets for social interaction.

Time passed.
Some of us got married (guilty).
Some of us got careers.
Some of us went and pursued additional education.
Some of us fled the country, in search of enlightenment, truth, or in search of Self.
Some of us found their lifestyle or beliefs incompatible with the religion we all shared, and don't go to the church we once all went to, and have found other outlets for spiritual discovery.

So we were essentially flung to the four corners of the earth, or at least across a few states in this country. Some of us, most of us really, aren't as close as we used to be. This, as they say, is life. But going to Michelle's wedding with Paul and Emily brought together a cross section from our group of friends and got me to think about what's passed. As I am prone to do, I think many things about us and our various lifestyles and situations, but I think for once I'll put a few of these thoughts out there.

I realized that I don't particularly care so much about what people do, as long as they're being authentic and genuine with who they are and what they want. Michelle cut off contact with us for a long time. She did it in order to find herself and do what she needed to do to become the person she is now. I understood it then, I get it now, and while I was sad for a time that talking to Meesh was not going to be possible, I don't begrudge her the necessity of it. I got married during that time. I remembered on the drive up to Seattle that because of the circumstances of our lives, Meesh wasn't able to be there. Of course, Meesh brought this up at her rehearsal dinner with a certain degree of regret and sorrow. I don't regret it in the slightest, and I told her so. I fumbled about trying to explain why, and while I got my point across, I think I can say it a little more eloquently now.

We are, all of us, bridging the gap between becoming and being. This takes many forms. And while I don't agree with many decisions my friends make, I don't agree with all of the decisions I even make for myself, so how could I hold it against them? I don't begrudge the caterpillar it's cocoon, it has to have it to become a butterfly. I don't begrudge Paul leaving the church any more than I do Emily going to India, as long as the end result is authentic. Even our mistakes are necessary. I don't regret some of the stupider dating choices I've made, because if I hadn't made them, I couldn't be where I'm at now, in love and married. I celebrate the choices Meesh has made because spending time with her I saw a lot happier, peaceful, content, genuine Michelle than I ever saw when she was going to the same church as me and dating my gender. I've pretty much always felt this way about most things that people do. I tend to have problems when people say one thing, and do another (guilty). I tend to have problems when people make lifestyle choices that aren't about exploring and connecting to themselves, but doing something different because they think it'll make them happy.

If you're not happy and fulfilled now, getting married isn't going to make you happier. If you don't have a good marriage now, having kids isn't going to fix it. If you're lost and uncertain about your sexuality, going to a church to have them tell you what to do isn't going to help you find your way. I personally don't care what you do, as long as it's what you feel you must do to get to where you want to go. If you're my friend, it's because I think enough of who you are that I'm interested in what roads you take, where you're going, and what you think about it. I mean think about it. None of us are where we were 5 years ago when we all met. While we're all in vastly different places, physically, spiritually, and otherwise, I think it's pretty safe to say just about all of us are happier. That's not bad.