Decisions

This weekend I spent time at a friend's place, under the pretenses of making christmas cards, but what it really turned into was a fairly intense spiritual discussion. What we know, what is true, what we don't know, what we don't understand. I came away from it not feeling very good. There are so many things, so many big questions in life I am clueless about. I have a lot of big decisions to be making, and I'm not entirely sure how to go about figuring them out.

What do you look at while you're making up your mind? Ours is not a reflective culture, really, we do not raise our eyes up to the hills or bow to the east. Most of the time we decide the most critical things in our lives while staring at a linoleum floor of an institutional corridor or staring at the cheap industrial carpet of some waiting room while a television vomits nonsense.

I walked around my house seeking something, anything. My family didn't take many pictures while I was growing up, so there's not a lot to look back on. Sometimes my parents house feels like it could be anyone's, like anyone could live there. I guess I pace a lot when I'm trying to decide things, I'm not sure why. I guess I wonder how much I can change, how much I can effect, and how the world is going to be within the reach of my arm.