Assertion. Noun. 1: A declaration that is made emphatically. 2: The act of affirming or asserting or stating something.

I think being assertive is commonly taken to be a male trait in our society, as women used to be taught to be demure, which is often taken to the extreme of being passive. I don’t like passive, which is to say I don’t respect it very much. Don’t get me wrong, I like silence a LOT, but there’s a difference between not saying anything because you don’t have anything important to say, and not saying anything because you don’t dare. In my dating history, I tended to enjoy the company of more independent women. My wife is a fairly strong willed lady. But it’s interesting to me how many people allow themselves to be walked on, because they don’t want to be rude, or perhaps feel like they could be wrong.

I have come to the conclusion lately that I am not just going to let people exert their will on me anymore. If that makes me rude because I’m telling some call center slave something they don’t want to hear, that’s fine, I’ll be able to sleep at night with that on my conscience.A couple weeks ago, Comcast called to find out why the check we sent them for our service was $30 short, and mentioned that if the full payment wasn’t received, there would be a LATE FEE! (dum-dum-DUM!). The reason was I gave the installer a $30 check when we had the internet and cable installed, and was told that this would be applied to the first bill. It wasn’t. But I was told that and even had the receipt to that effect. The lady on the phone started to try to pass the buck and told me I’d have to talk to billing and that it wasn’t her department, when I stopped her in mid-sentence and said no. No, I wasn’t going to call billing, I gave her company a check and if they couldn’t find it, that was their problem, and that if they were going to call me up and threaten me with a late fee, it was inappropriate to be then trying to send me on a game of phone tag within their bureaucracy. She tried to say that it wasn’t on her system, but I wasn’t going to let her off the hook. I told her that I had given her company a check and now she was telling me that they didn’t know what happened to it, and that she needed to find out whether it was lost, or stolen, or heaven knows what, and that it was not my responsibility to be doing her company’s work for them. She said she’d forward this issue to her manager, and I told her that I expected a return call to resolve the issue and to make a note of it on the case. Three days later, I got a call, and all was well. I didn’t have to deal with a single robotic phone menu. I can't help but think that if they had called me at another juncture in life, I would have followed their instructions and whined and complained about having to deal with Comcast. Was I rude? maybe a tiny bit, but no less rude than a company making a customer track down a payment that the company itself had misplaced.

Yesterday I went to the parking garage where our treatment team has parking passes, one of those little ratty buildings that's been converted into a parking garage. The guys that run the place overbook the lot, so occasionally they have to operate like a valet service and double and triple park cars (they totaled my manager's car there once, but that's another story). They had double parked a car across from mine making it tough to get out. Now I don't have the nicest car, but it is pretty new and it was just too close a shave to get out, I tried backing out several different ways, and none of them were good. I go downstairs and tell parking garage monkey that I need the silver Sentra across from my car moved. He walks upstairs and and then tells me that he doesn't have the key on him and tries to tell me to back it out again. I looked at him, and said "No. You. Move. That. Car. Right. Now." He again said that he didn't have the key on him, and I said "You should have thought of that before you came upstairs when I told you which car needed to be moved, now you're going to have to go back downstairs and get it." Now, I'm sure he isn't my biggest fan now, but hey, I'm just not going to do other people's jobs for them anymore.

Do you find yourself bending over backwards just to get treated like a human when you're a customer? You might need Assertion, a new fragrance by James. Do you find yourself telling stories that begin or end with "I can't believe he/she/they treated me like that!?!?" You too might need Assertion. Companies, stores, service personel will only treat you like that if you let them. For some people (Samuel L. Jackson, Jack Nicholson, Megan Mullally, Mr. T, Sean Connery), assertion is a part of their character. When in doubt, think about how one of them might handle the situation. Sam Jackson is who I use.

Oh, but if you're my wife, trust me, you probably don't need Assertion.