...there is an equal and opposite reaction.

So as it turns out, the car not starting the other night was because the camshaft got broken. After being told that it would be a $5700 repair, naturally I direected them toward the hairiest and fattest parts of my ass they outght to be kissing. So now I have a new house, a new wife to be, and I need to get a new car. Alas poor gigmobile, I knew ye.