How to get out of doing things you don't want to do, and the legend of the Tampon Walrus.

So we were having a discussion today at work about how so and so has to go to his mother's for dinner but he doesn't want to, but of course you can't tell your mom you don't want to have dinner with her...... and how so and so hates it how his wife makes him go and buy ice cream in the middle of the night, but she's pregnant so of course he does it anyway... and I had to share with them the classic man secret: When asked to do something you don't want to do by a woman, do a piss poor job, then feign stupidity.

"What honey? You mean butter pecan ISN'T the same as toasted almond? Awww, I'm sorry sweetie." You then are deemed incompetent to perform the simple task, and next time she wants it, she'll do it herself......... which is what you wanted in the first place. They looked at me like I was Robert E. Lee laying out some unheard of strategem.

This served me well last week. I get tired sometimes of being a gofer into my Insignificant Other's purse. I hate rooting through it trying to find gum or something, when she could be doing it herself. Of course, I'm not going to say no, that would involve us having "a talk", and nobody wants that. So last week when asked to fetch some gum out of her purse, I reluctantly started rooting through all the crap she has in there, like a pig hunting for truffles. Naturally, my hands run over cosmetics, and a number of feminine products. I then realized my way out of this situation forever. I decided that tampons stuck in my gums on each side of my mouth protruding downward made me look a bit like a walrus. Flopping around and making walrus like noises completed the picture. Needless to say, this was not very well received. She... was not amused. I seem to have had my purse privileges revoked. Which... is what I wanted in the first place. And now you know the true legend of the Tampon Walrus.