I've created a monster...

Cuz nobody wants to see Marshall no more
they want Shady I'm chopped liver
well if you want Shady, this is what I'll give ya

mmmmmno.

So like my sister Bethany before her, my sister Amy is fond of Final Fantasy 3 on the Super Nintendo, though she usually plays it on an emulator on the computer. Since I have all of the Final Fantasy games from 2 up to 10, she asked me if I had any games she might like to play on our "big screen" (see previous entry) Though they are sequential in number, none of the Final Fantasy games are sequels, they all have completely independent stories. So I tossed a copy of FF9 in the playstation and handed her the controller.

Two hours later I was still waiting to play Disgaea.

Today, Memorial Day, I'm in here on the computer, Return of the King playing behind me, and she's been on the thing for over three hours (edit: five hours) straight. Like I said, I've created a monster. I couldn't be prouder. Good thing I have the backup Playstation for just such times as these. Her husband will thank me someday for getting Amy hooked on the videogame crack that is Final Fantasy.

Ramblings

My, it's been too long since I've posted. What can I say, I've been lost. I actually spent a lot of time with my family this weekend... which usually means we all stay in our rooms and read or watch stuff or what have you, but this weekend it was most of us in the same room. Dad's been out doing failure prep type seminars (he's a civil engineer with the Fed), and as such he's been out with a large video projector. Being the enterprising man that I am, I hooked it up to ye olde DVD play and stereo, and shazam: 90" of home theater glory on yonder wall. Pirates of the Carribean, Into the Woods, Minority Report, and then a late night of the PS2 and Xbox. Reminded me of the good old days when Josh and I would rent a projector from BYU for March Madness and have a grand old time. It was funny that my folks hadn't thought of doing that before. "You can do what with that thing? Hey... that looks really good!" Got a cold Saturday night, and have spent most of the weekend sniffling and sneezing. No fun.

Cooking mishap.

Okay, so here's the thing. I love to cook. Absolutely love it, and I often brag about my skills. Lately I've been on a real pizza kick, so I thought hey! I'll make pizza from scratch, and not have to drive down to Papa Murphy's or something. So off I go.. making the crust from Jiffy flour... letting it rise a little, getting the cheese and pepperocinis out.. and I fill the mixing bowl with extra flour so I can roll it out.

The ball of dough absorbs the flour unusually quickly. I thought it was rather fine flour, so I yell down the hall asking the fam if we have cake flour or something in this canister on the counter by mistake. The ball of dough takes at least 1.5 more cups of the stuff before it lets me roll it out, and even then it was tacky. This should have been my first clue. The incredibly sweet taste of the crust when I took the first bite of my "pizza" should have been the second clue. It was some of the wierdest pizza I've ever tasted. Puzzled, I walk down the hall, and ask the family units, "Hey, is this flour?"

"No, that's powdered sugar!"

Maybe I'm not as skilled as I thought.

sigh

Becoming a better musician.

My friend Skye is starting another new musical project. I got the email about it today and started thinking about my own love of music. I play the bass, for those who don't know... and I'm incredibly mediocre at it, but I really love having a role to fill in making music. I marvel at the magic of creation that music brings. Music is a language to me. A language being a form of communication, a way to connect. A way to express myself. It is definitively used to express one's self, our feelings, and our messages.

I wonder.

How do I find people to make music with around here? Most LDS people I know that are musically inclined are occupied or get that deer in the headlights look when I suggest including me in their plans (yeah, I saw that look). Obviously, I need to practice more, so I can be a worthy addition to someone's band. Mostly, I just want to become more fluent at the language of music. Victor Wooten said, "Think about this. The English language has 26 letters in its alphabet. Our Music language only has 12. I'll let you do the math." Heady subject matter for 1am.

Pictures of Art night (and a few from oscar night)

Perhaps you might like to see some pics of my friends at art night last night. Alas, no pics of me... I was taking the pics. I'll get ahold of Paul's pics, I'm sure there are a few of me in there.

CLICK HERE for pics of art night.

It's the first "friends" folder. If someone who was there is reading this and wants some of the pics, you can either save from yahoo photos, or email me, the originals are about twice as big, which is handy for condensing and printing on your own.

Cafe de' Seville, a night of art.

Well, I'm sitting here in Paul's apartment, and art night is currently going on around me. I had already planned what I wanted to do, because I was responsible for some cooking tonight. The food seemed to come off very well (I was certainly pleased with the results) I made some chili spiced chicken, flat nan bread, brown rice, and curry. In the past, art nights have been more of a performance sort, but tonight we have all been given a 8x11 inch piece of paper, and all around me right now, people are trying to figure out how to express themselves in an artistic fashion. My piece is a series of ripped photographs, my own on top and texts, torn away to reveal layer after layer until the simple sentence "Where did we go astray" is revealed underneath. I'm not entirely sure what it means... but it's what I feel at the moment.

And you may find yourself in a beautiful house
With a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself, Well...
How did I get here?

This is not my beautiful house. Or my beautiful wife. I have nothing of the sort. I feel like Virginia Woolf's character in the Hours... "My life has been stolen from me. I'm living in a town I have no wish to live in... I'm living a life I have no wish to live... How did this happen?" Now... I love the town I live in, but as far as the rest goes... I find myself trapped in a reality that I find distasteful, less than ideal, nothing like what I hoped for or dreamed about and yet, I am not sure how to get out of it, at least the first step. Where did we go astray? Where did I go astray? I don't really know. The leitmotif of my life seems to be having more questions than answers. I think that's what is referred to as being grown up. You just kind of make it up as you go along. I guess what I really want to do is make something completely different up, but I imagine it doesn't work that way. Pathetic, really. I have a roof over my head, I am not unnecessarily hurt or frightened, and yet here I am whining about how my life isn't how I want it. Boo freaking hoo.

It's funny how in one night, life can be so amazing, beautiful, and glorious. And at the same moment, frightening, saddening, and desperate. Funny, and yet it's so.

Sunday

Slept in a bit, but was still the first one up. I didn't feel like going to church, I just wasn't in the mood to run into the Ex again, and I'm not in the mood to pretend I'm all happy and glad to be there. I worked on a few projects at home, and am now getting ready for The Cafe d'Seville which is happening again tonight. It's being held at Paul's place, and I am helping Paul make Indian Food for it. Sometimes I wish I felt like I were exploring and learning about myself and things as much at church as I do when I'm playing music, or creating art.

Oscar Night, the aftermath

So much for the afterglow. Oscar night was entertaining. I was straight b-boy pimpin in my orange suit and fedora. I donned a nice blonde wig for some music, and we rocked the house. I don't know how good we sounded, I was just trying to play it straight. I also took home the oscar for best original screenplay... though I think it was more of a pity award. I got packed up and got out fairly quickly. As fun as it was, being in the same room as the recent Ex isn't my cup of tea... so I sounded the retreat around 10:30.

Saturday: the big day

Well, most of this week's preparations are leading up to today: Oscar Night. We'll see if my little movie won anything, and I'm playing bass in a makeshift band twice tonight. Naturally, I'm going to go in orange and black stripes to devote some of the attention away from the actual sound. Hopefully, by this time tomorrow, I will have rocked the mic.

Vaya con Dios, Lenny Brisco.

Okay, I'm pissed off. I just found out on commercials during Law & Order: SVU tonight that tomorrow is Lenny Brisco's (played by Jerry Orbach) last episode on Law and Order (the regular one). Now, this is from the same station that pimped the Friends finale for a damn MONTH, and Orbach has even been on the air LONGER! The guy has three emmy nominations, and has a Tony award for crap's sake, and THIS is the sendoff he gets? Screw you NBC, and shame on you for treating one of the best actors in primetime drama like that. Jerry Orbach deserves better.

Unless this is how he wanted it.. in which case, I'm a jerk. But since when is that news?

A weekend in Vancouver, Canada.

I had never been to Vancouver, BC before, which was the perfect reason to go when the situation presented itself. Seven of us (Brice, Emily, Lumina, Jimmy, Michelle, Paul, and yours truly) made our way up at different points of the day on Saturday. Paul and I made pretty good time, and we gabbed the whole way up. Vancouver is an awesome town, as cool as Portland, as big as Seattle. We agreed we could be serious menaces there. There were tons of artsy stores and resturants all over the place, as well as a huge asian community and more clubs in a 5 block area than Portland has in the whole city. It was fun to just wander around and see the sights.

Saturday we got there, checked into the hotel, and then drove around the town to just see what's what, and had dinner late at this italian bistro place that had authentic italian style pizza cooked in a woodburning oven. Sunday we went to this open market kind of place, and watched the street performers. Then we went to Gastown, the "old town" and currently the "tourist trap" where we got panhandled a lot and eventually had dinner. Then we went down to the beach, where some of us were lazy, some threw the frisbee around, and eventually we had a campfire. I tried to get dinner at Wendys, only to be told the didn't accept Visa. Expletives followed. On Monday, Paul and I went and explored downtown, while Emily and Brice went and "hiked" and the others went sailing. We took off in the mid afternoon, had sushi in Seattle on our way back, and I got home last night around 10.

It was a weekend of thinking for me. Recent personal events made me want to get away and take a breather. Also, my parents have changed their opinion on what I should be doing with my life. Up until now they were of the opinion that I should be finding a nice entry level job and settle down. Being a bit tired of school, I thought it was an okay idea... but naturally finding that job and someone to settle down with are proving more problematic than I imagined. Out of the blue on Saturday the told me to think about what I'd want to do if I were to go back to school. And so I have been thinking. I'm fairly confused right now... not really sure what to do about it all.

So here's the thing...

Going to Canada, back in a few days. I just gotta get out of town.

Oscar Night

Okay, so here's the thing. My ward (church) has this Oscar night activity once a year, where in the months before we all group off and make little movies. Since I'm a bit of a writer and director, I got asked to come up with a script idea. So I did. Then I got asked to film it, so I did. Then about two weeks before the screening night, I get greeted at church with "Hey, here's the footage, edit it when you get a chance, okay?" So, over the weekend, at the eleventh hour and fifty-ninth minute, I did. The result is "The Elevator", a quirky little short film produced and directed by me. I wish I had some way of posting it online, but... even as a 8 minute AVI it weighs in at about 150 megs... so I guess you'll have to take my word for it... it's not too bad. If you're ever out Oregon ways, I'll show it to you. Who knows, maybe I'll take home the "Oscar" for editing or directing.

Two new additions to my Classic RPG collection

In between sessions of editing the movie I got stuck with (more on this later today.. my movie got screened last night), I stopped off at the mall and hunted through the old neglected stacks of used playstation games. As most people know, I have a bit of a classic rpg addiction/collection (mostly SNES, Saturn, Emulator, Dreamcast, and Playstation) and so I always have my eyes open for games that I never got "back in the day". I picked both of these up for less than 30 bucks total, so I was pretty happy. Vagrant Story was one of the last great games for the Playstation (not counting the current occasional sports games updates), before Square went on to developing for the PS2. It's fun to find an old game I may have been looking for.

If anyone has their eyes open and happens to spot a copy of Tactics Ogre or Valkyrie Profile, I'm looking...

Thinking too much.

It's midnight, and I really am thinking too much, but right now there's little else to do. A lot of things have happened this week, and while I like talking about some of the insights and thoughts I might have on this blog, I don't normally talk about actual personal things. It was always such a turnoff for me, people sharing intimate details with complete strangers, almost begging for attention. Like Strong Sad or something, it just makes me get all flaccid and rubbery, or whatever the polar opposite of turned on is. It turns me off like a naked anorexic.

I had a relationship end this week. I didn't think it would bother me, and for a while, it hasn't. People keep asking me how I am, and while I really appreciate having good friends, I guess how I feel about it hasn't completely shaken out yet. I'm a fairly zen person, so this, like with anything, has both good and bad... And what I am focusing on at any given moment makes the difference in my mood. I don't know how I am about this yet. It wasn't the most ideal or greatest relationship, but it was still nice to know someone wanted me, well in real life anyway.

I saw Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind a while back and the basic premise of the movie is that the technology exists to erase memories, or an individual person from our memories. The question then becomes, are we the sum of our memories? If freed from some of the shadows and shackles of our past, would we be different, or merely run head first into the same mistakes again? As I sit here thinking I wonder, would I erase her if I could? There are a lot of things I would change about the past, and even some people I would erase if I could. But... I think for the moment, no... I wouldn't. I'd rather have the knowledge of what small things didn't work for me, and endure the rejection of being dumped, than have that spotless mind. Then again, "Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders." (Nietzsche) Maybe a little instant amnesia juice squirted on the old cerebral cortex mind be better for me now. Honestly, I just don't know.

That's on Ebay.

When you can't seem to find
the baseball that's been signed,
that's on eBay!

A new toy you can wind,
a men's suit that's silk lined,
that's on eBay!

Phones that ring, organizer thing,
Jazz or swing, nice bling-bling...
that's on eBay!

Buy today and it's on its way!
Other users say you will feel okay!
That's on eBay!


I eBay, I admit it. As I love basses and guitars, and their parts, eBay is MUCH better than ye olde time trusted method of hunting through sleazy pawn shops. And I can do it in my underwear too. There are some things about eBay I get really tired of. First: everything on ebay is supposedly 'RARE'. Look champs, I know a copy of Tactics Ogre is a little bit rare, that's why I'm clicking on this guys sorry auction instead of going down to Babbages. My other princely favorite is the 'not' advertisers. People selling basses or guitars will put things like "Fender P-bass (Not Gibson, Yamaha, Lakland,Spector)" in their auction titles to drive the hits up... which is not only dishonest, but it causes you to do your search and find half of the hits are 'not' what you searched for. Geniuses. The other one I love are guitar stores that try and sell last year's models at retail price. I've fired off more than one email asking, "so how is this bass different than the one I can buy at my local Guitar Center for the same price?" Oddly, those emails don't get answered. Ebay needs a "punch seller in the gonads" button.

In Praise of: Escape From New York Pizza (Portland)

I mentioned it in my post about showing my cousins around Portland. One of my favorite local hole in the wall eateries in Portland is Escape from New York Pizza, on 23rd. There's another EFNY Pizza place in San Francisco, run by the brother of the fella who owns this place. Escape from NY Pizza is the real deal. The best crust, the best sauce, the best price. Forget your fancy brick ovens. Forget your fancy goat cheese or avacado topping. It's NY style pizza, which means a thin crust and large floppy pieces... but if you've been raised to think Pizza Hut is great pizza, you're about to find an oasis in the desert of mediocrity. It is the closest thing to New York you are going to find in Portland. The crust is just right to me. A bit crispy but soft on the inside, yet not overwhelmingly bready. If you have an issue with grease you may not enjoy it, but let's be honest... if you were wanting to go lo-cal, you wouldn't be hunting up pizza joints, now would you? As NY style pizza goes, this is as close to a '10' as you can get.

A weekend in Portland.

Had fun late this week. My cousin Tyler and his wife Amber stopped off in Portland for a few days, and basically wanted the tour of the town. They live in San Francisco, and have come to the realization if they ever wanted a home of their own, they'd have to either win the lottery, or get out of San Francisco. So being the faithful tourguide that I am, I showed them around town. I forget how cool Portland is to someone who's never been here before (you're missing out, Llew.. just going to Cali and the armpit of the desert {Utah}) So I took them downtown, got them set up in the Benson hotel, took em to some of my favorite spots like 23rd and Escape From NY Pizza, or Papa Haydn's ... Showed off the Portland, Oregon temple, and all the wonderful greenery that sprouts up here when you don't put a parking lot on top of it. I remember it was suprising to many when I decided to move home to PDX, but the truth is I just like the pacific northwest. I think I'd want to live here even if my family didn't.