Cafe de' Seville, a night of art.

Well, I'm sitting here in Paul's apartment, and art night is currently going on around me. I had already planned what I wanted to do, because I was responsible for some cooking tonight. The food seemed to come off very well (I was certainly pleased with the results) I made some chili spiced chicken, flat nan bread, brown rice, and curry. In the past, art nights have been more of a performance sort, but tonight we have all been given a 8x11 inch piece of paper, and all around me right now, people are trying to figure out how to express themselves in an artistic fashion. My piece is a series of ripped photographs, my own on top and texts, torn away to reveal layer after layer until the simple sentence "Where did we go astray" is revealed underneath. I'm not entirely sure what it means... but it's what I feel at the moment.

And you may find yourself in a beautiful house
With a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself, Well...
How did I get here?

This is not my beautiful house. Or my beautiful wife. I have nothing of the sort. I feel like Virginia Woolf's character in the Hours... "My life has been stolen from me. I'm living in a town I have no wish to live in... I'm living a life I have no wish to live... How did this happen?" Now... I love the town I live in, but as far as the rest goes... I find myself trapped in a reality that I find distasteful, less than ideal, nothing like what I hoped for or dreamed about and yet, I am not sure how to get out of it, at least the first step. Where did we go astray? Where did I go astray? I don't really know. The leitmotif of my life seems to be having more questions than answers. I think that's what is referred to as being grown up. You just kind of make it up as you go along. I guess what I really want to do is make something completely different up, but I imagine it doesn't work that way. Pathetic, really. I have a roof over my head, I am not unnecessarily hurt or frightened, and yet here I am whining about how my life isn't how I want it. Boo freaking hoo.

It's funny how in one night, life can be so amazing, beautiful, and glorious. And at the same moment, frightening, saddening, and desperate. Funny, and yet it's so.