"So, what happens if they riot?"
In the event of a facility wide incident, I have been instructed to dispose of my keys and radio (though I never have a radio), and either barricade myself in the offices or try to get out of the facility. In the event that anyone is taken hostage, we will not be negotiated for. Federal law is that will be regarded as terrorist hostages, and the US government does not negotiate in those circumstances. Basically, there better never be a riot, and if there is, my co workers and I better never get cornered.
On the good side, our unit is segregated from general populace, so if there were a problem in the facility at large, most likely all of the inmates on our unit would want just as much as we do to get away from it. In the event that there were problems on the unit, my office is closest to the exit. Ha.
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Saturday, December 24, 2005
So, isn't it dangerous?
I get that question a bit. Isn't it dangerous? Do you feel safe? Aren't you worried someone will shank you?
Answer: I feel perfectly safe.
First of all, it's a minimum security facility, which means most all of the inmates aren't dangerous. Second of all, it's what Oregon calls a "release facility". Most inmates come here for the last year to six months of their sentence. I think it's better setup from most states where an inmate can go from total lockdown segregation to the streets overnight. It's like a warmup to getting released.
Second of all, if you know me, I'm a physically intimidating person. I probably have more inmates afraid of me than anything else. (I still have the beard and long hair, FYI) Combine that with the fact that touching me pretty much means a trip to the hole and 6 months more to their sentance, I haven't really heard of any inmate vs. staff violence since I've been in.
Third, most of them know I'm there to help THEM, not be a narc for the DOC. It's very much a give respect, get respect kind of thing. Respect is one of the chief currencies of the system. I think respect is so key because a lot of these men get fundamentally DISrespected because they've broken the law. Sure, this guy committed identity theft or that guy dealt smack, and so in society at large they get fundamentally disrespected. Sure, that's just common sense, but it's one reason why criminals re-offend... they never really get their membership in society back, once it's gone. I myself probably get more respect, and am better liked than average because I like to talk and joke around both on the floor and in my classes (yes, I teach classes). Humor and laughter are a little difficult to come by in prison, so if you can make people laugh and laugh at yourself, you'll be well liked. NOTE: this is different from being a smartass. There are plenty of those on the inside.
Ok, that covers that. What are some things you might like to hear about from my little world?
Answer: I feel perfectly safe.
First of all, it's a minimum security facility, which means most all of the inmates aren't dangerous. Second of all, it's what Oregon calls a "release facility". Most inmates come here for the last year to six months of their sentence. I think it's better setup from most states where an inmate can go from total lockdown segregation to the streets overnight. It's like a warmup to getting released.
Second of all, if you know me, I'm a physically intimidating person. I probably have more inmates afraid of me than anything else. (I still have the beard and long hair, FYI) Combine that with the fact that touching me pretty much means a trip to the hole and 6 months more to their sentance, I haven't really heard of any inmate vs. staff violence since I've been in.
Third, most of them know I'm there to help THEM, not be a narc for the DOC. It's very much a give respect, get respect kind of thing. Respect is one of the chief currencies of the system. I think respect is so key because a lot of these men get fundamentally DISrespected because they've broken the law. Sure, this guy committed identity theft or that guy dealt smack, and so in society at large they get fundamentally disrespected. Sure, that's just common sense, but it's one reason why criminals re-offend... they never really get their membership in society back, once it's gone. I myself probably get more respect, and am better liked than average because I like to talk and joke around both on the floor and in my classes (yes, I teach classes). Humor and laughter are a little difficult to come by in prison, so if you can make people laugh and laugh at yourself, you'll be well liked. NOTE: this is different from being a smartass. There are plenty of those on the inside.
Ok, that covers that. What are some things you might like to hear about from my little world?
Life in Prison
Okay, maybe I'll be able to do a bit of catch up here.
The biggest reason I haven't been posting much lately is my new job. Like I've mentioned earlier, I work at a minimum security correctional facility. It's a whole different world. So not only am I getting used to a new job, a new schedule (I was working graveyards before), but it's really a whole different world. I've gotten used to the job and schedule part, but the culture is a fascinating and new experience every day. I also work pretty long hours so when I come home I pretty much just kiss the wife, eat some dinner, talk, and go to bed. I love my job so far... I get to use my education, feel like I'm making a difference, and have the satisfaction that comes with feeling like I do my job well.
So I figure the best thing for me to do will be to try and cover one little thing at a time. I'll knock one of those posts out tonight after dinner.
The biggest reason I haven't been posting much lately is my new job. Like I've mentioned earlier, I work at a minimum security correctional facility. It's a whole different world. So not only am I getting used to a new job, a new schedule (I was working graveyards before), but it's really a whole different world. I've gotten used to the job and schedule part, but the culture is a fascinating and new experience every day. I also work pretty long hours so when I come home I pretty much just kiss the wife, eat some dinner, talk, and go to bed. I love my job so far... I get to use my education, feel like I'm making a difference, and have the satisfaction that comes with feeling like I do my job well.
So I figure the best thing for me to do will be to try and cover one little thing at a time. I'll knock one of those posts out tonight after dinner.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
I've just signed the ONE Declaration committing myself to help fight the emergency of global AIDS and extreme poverty.
The first thing I'm doing is asking you to make that commitment, too.
ONE is a new effort by Americans to rally Americans - one by one. So far, over two million have signed the declaration in support of a historic pact for compassion and justice to help the poorest people of the world.
I think your name belongs on that declaration, too. You can put it there by visiting:
www.one.org
This is Bono's (and many other people's) charity cause. Over 2 million people have joined and are active. In two year's time, there will be more members in the One campaign than the NRA. To me, that's not a bad thing. I'm a pretty big fan of activism in any form but extreme.
I'm sorry I've not been writing... work has me so busy... and when I sit, there's so much to write or say, I can't tackle it. Went and saw U2 and Kanye West last night, it was awesome.
The first thing I'm doing is asking you to make that commitment, too.
ONE is a new effort by Americans to rally Americans - one by one. So far, over two million have signed the declaration in support of a historic pact for compassion and justice to help the poorest people of the world.
I think your name belongs on that declaration, too. You can put it there by visiting:
www.one.org
This is Bono's (and many other people's) charity cause. Over 2 million people have joined and are active. In two year's time, there will be more members in the One campaign than the NRA. To me, that's not a bad thing. I'm a pretty big fan of activism in any form but extreme.
I'm sorry I've not been writing... work has me so busy... and when I sit, there's so much to write or say, I can't tackle it. Went and saw U2 and Kanye West last night, it was awesome.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Am I the only one...
Am I the only one who thinks my friend Lumina:
And famous singer/songwriter Carole King:
Bear a certain resemblance?
Different hair color and slightly different coloring... but I guess the strong female jewish artist has a few other prominant genes that go around...
And famous singer/songwriter Carole King:
Bear a certain resemblance?
Different hair color and slightly different coloring... but I guess the strong female jewish artist has a few other prominant genes that go around...
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Inane mumblings
I find that when confronted with an uncomfortable situation, it's best to say something completely random and silly, preferably from a movie made in the 1980's. However, it's important to note that when quoting movies, you AVOID the evil that is Monty Python, Princess Bride, Napoleon Dynamite, or any other overly popular movie in LDS circles. The only major exception would possibly be Office Space, which I don't think can possibly be quoted too much. While primping in the vestry, waiting for the wedding to start, I heard one of Aud's friends say something about being the gatekeeper and keeping me from seeing her, so I naturally replied with:
They stared at me like I'd sprouted a new head right at that moment, out of my shoulder. I kind of wished Zannah had been there, she would have laughed a lot.
Gozer the Traveler! He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!
They stared at me like I'd sprouted a new head right at that moment, out of my shoulder. I kind of wished Zannah had been there, she would have laughed a lot.
Saturday, November 12, 2005
The Wedding: postgame report
Everything went better than planned. It was an ultimate best case scenario. I'll tell you all about it when we get home.
Highlights:
The service! So sweet and wonderful.
Our friends all came! Emily Potter took a bus from MONTANA, and suprised me in my basement the day before!
The food at Sanborn's! I had the vegetarian lasagna! It was wonderful!
The cake! It was awesome!
The music! Jai and his jazz trio set the perfect mood.
My beautiful bride, Audrey. I'm so in love with her.
Highlights:
The service! So sweet and wonderful.
Our friends all came! Emily Potter took a bus from MONTANA, and suprised me in my basement the day before!
The food at Sanborn's! I had the vegetarian lasagna! It was wonderful!
The cake! It was awesome!
The music! Jai and his jazz trio set the perfect mood.
My beautiful bride, Audrey. I'm so in love with her.
Friday, November 11, 2005
I'm getting married in the morning...
I'm getting married in the morning,
Ding-dong the bells are going to chime,
Pull out the stopper,
Let's have a whopper!
But get me to the church on time.
I've got to be there in the morning,
Spruced up and looking in my prime,
Girls come and kiss me,
Show how you'll miss me,
But get me to the church on time.
If I am flying,
Then shoot me down,
If I am wooing,
Get her out of town!
Oh, I'm getting married in the morning,
Ding-dong the bells are going to chime,
Kick up a rumpus,
But don't lose the compass
And get me to the church,
Get me to the church,
For Gawd's sake,
Get me to the church, on time!
Thursday, November 03, 2005
'mo Prison
First thing I noticed about prison? It's clean. The only place I've ever worked at that was cleaner would be the BYU art museum. If you read the introduction to the facility I copied below here, you'll notice that all inmates have to work... which means that there's lots of janitors and groundskeepers... honestly the place is cleaner than most church buildings I've been to, and when you consider that 600 men live there, that's a pretty decent achievement.
There's funny rules. I can't wear denim or blue (that's what the inmates wear), and I'm not allowed to intervene or dicipline or anything (a major change from my last social work job). It makes this a sweet opportunity to actually focus on just being a counselor, not merely a babysitter... we have the department of corrections for that. I'm not allowed to wear a tie, since it's a handy weapon.
Next reaction: these are nice guys. Most of them want to be in the program there. Naturally there's the occasional flareup, but it's very different from the adolescent facility I worked at. It's funny to think that I can get a room of 60+ mentally ill and addict felons to behave better than the kids at Northwest. Interestingly enough, there's not a lot of difference between the populations. My boss says the only differences are 20-30 years, facial hair, and a felony.
Anyway, I'm really tired... and there's too much more to say.
There's funny rules. I can't wear denim or blue (that's what the inmates wear), and I'm not allowed to intervene or dicipline or anything (a major change from my last social work job). It makes this a sweet opportunity to actually focus on just being a counselor, not merely a babysitter... we have the department of corrections for that. I'm not allowed to wear a tie, since it's a handy weapon.
Next reaction: these are nice guys. Most of them want to be in the program there. Naturally there's the occasional flareup, but it's very different from the adolescent facility I worked at. It's funny to think that I can get a room of 60+ mentally ill and addict felons to behave better than the kids at Northwest. Interestingly enough, there's not a lot of difference between the populations. My boss says the only differences are 20-30 years, facial hair, and a felony.
Anyway, I'm really tired... and there's too much more to say.
This is where my office is.
(from the website)
"Columbia River Correctional Institution (CRCI) is a 540 bed minimum security facility which was constructed on a 26 acre site in Northeast Portland. Located in the largest metropolitan area of the state, this facility is a combined restitution, alcohol/drug treatment center, and release facilty. The facility provides a full range of correctional services and programs which directly support the Department of Corrections primary mission. These include: A 50 bed residential Alcohol and Drug Treatment Program, called Turning Point, and a 50 bed dual-diagnosis Mental Health Treatment Unit, called Bridgepoint, operating under a contract with a private provider. CRCI also has basic adult education, life skills and job readiness training. Restitution and Community Service work programs for 400 inmates, with assignment to public service crews. The institution employs 120 FTE general funded staff and approximately 50 staff provided under contracted services. CRCI has strong "community oriented" programming for inmates and utilizes a large number of community volunteers in its programs. Inmates residing at Columbia River Correctional Institution are required and expected to work. To that end, work crews are formed and subsequently employed by many public agencies, organizations and private businesses throughout the greater Tri-County area."
That's the basic intro to the facility, I'll now write a reaction and feelings entry... somehow I think keeping them separate is a good idea at the moment.
That's the basic intro to the facility, I'll now write a reaction and feelings entry... somehow I think keeping them separate is a good idea at the moment.
Friday, October 28, 2005
Song lyrics photoshop
Okay, I occasionally participate in Fark.com's photo shop contests... here's my idea for the "photoshop song lyrics." set they had this week. For those of you that can, join in! Visually represent the lyrics of a song, and email it to me at ironchefboyardee@gmail.com and I'll put it up on here. I'll leave the "answer" up in a comment so if you're stumped you can peek!
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
In the end, I went out the classy route.
Dear Susan, Duane, and Heather,
This is to inform you that I have decided that it is time to move on, and I have accepted a position elsewhere. I am therefore tendering my resignation from your company and wish to advise you that Sunday, October 30th will be my last day of employment at Lovejoy Station and Pearl Court. On that day I will leave any Bowen property in my possession at Lovejoy Station, and would like to cash out any remaining time off that I have accrued. If there is some difficulty in finding a replacement for me, I am open to the possibility of working the weekend shifts (Friday, Saturday, Sunday) until a new night monitor is hired, but you will need to let me know before 10/30/05. I would like to thank you for the experiences I've had while working for Bowen.
Sincerely,
James Wright
Lovejoy/Pearl Court Night Monitor
This is to inform you that I have decided that it is time to move on, and I have accepted a position elsewhere. I am therefore tendering my resignation from your company and wish to advise you that Sunday, October 30th will be my last day of employment at Lovejoy Station and Pearl Court. On that day I will leave any Bowen property in my possession at Lovejoy Station, and would like to cash out any remaining time off that I have accrued. If there is some difficulty in finding a replacement for me, I am open to the possibility of working the weekend shifts (Friday, Saturday, Sunday) until a new night monitor is hired, but you will need to let me know before 10/30/05. I would like to thank you for the experiences I've had while working for Bowen.
Sincerely,
James Wright
Lovejoy/Pearl Court Night Monitor
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Monday, October 24, 2005
Be glad you can't see me...
I'm dancing right now.
Oh yes.
I'm doing the "I've got a new job dance".
I am the newest counselor, in charge of transitions, at the Bridgepoint program at the Columbia River Minimum Security Penitentiary. It's a significant pay raise (about 6-7k more a year), and a DAY SHIFT, and it's a great opportunity in counseling. Unlike other places I've worked, I only have to focus on counseling, not dicipline or enforcement (the Department of Corrections is happy to take care of that here). Plus I get to say offhandedly every day, "so, when I got out of prison earlier today..."
Let the celebration begin.
Oh yes.
I'm doing the "I've got a new job dance".
I am the newest counselor, in charge of transitions, at the Bridgepoint program at the Columbia River Minimum Security Penitentiary. It's a significant pay raise (about 6-7k more a year), and a DAY SHIFT, and it's a great opportunity in counseling. Unlike other places I've worked, I only have to focus on counseling, not dicipline or enforcement (the Department of Corrections is happy to take care of that here). Plus I get to say offhandedly every day, "so, when I got out of prison earlier today..."
Let the celebration begin.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
The 10 Questions
These 10 questions originally came from a French series, "Bouillon de Culture" hosted by Bernard Pivot. It is probably more familiar to many as the question James Lipton asks at the end of "Inside the Actor's Studio."
1. What is your favorite word?
"pontificate"
2. What is your least favorite word?
"but"
3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
For me, the most I've been turned on creatively and such is when I've jammed or played in bands, and I just feel this alive bursting connection with creation. I like standing in a circle with other musicians and just expressing ourselves in that way. It's also when I've felt the most alive.
4. What turns you off?
Ignorance, willful ignorance.
5. What is your favorite curse word?
"Bitch". I especially love calling men this.
6. What sound or noise do you love?
I love the sound that I hear when it's snowed in Oregon, and I go outside into the street, and everything is muffled and quiet... I love the sound of... air, I guess!
7. What sound or noise do you hate?
I hate the sound of buzzers, beepers, and superflous alarms. I don't need a damn alarm to tell me that my seatbelt isn't buckled yet. I don't need an alarm in my office to tell me when the door is open. Oddly enough, I don't mind the alarm to get up in the morning, that serves a legitamate purpose, but it seems there's buzzers, beepers, and noise makers on every damn thing these days.
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
I guess I'd try to be a writer. Maybe an auto mechanic?
9. What profession would you not like to do?
I could never be a server, or wait tables. I just don't have the demeanor for it.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
"Hmmmm..." *peers down at me, stroking chin thoughfully* *looks down at the book of life, up at me, down at the book again, and back to me slowly* "Well...." "Hmmmmm....." "Oh.... alright, I guess."
1. What is your favorite word?
"pontificate"
2. What is your least favorite word?
"but"
3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
For me, the most I've been turned on creatively and such is when I've jammed or played in bands, and I just feel this alive bursting connection with creation. I like standing in a circle with other musicians and just expressing ourselves in that way. It's also when I've felt the most alive.
4. What turns you off?
Ignorance, willful ignorance.
5. What is your favorite curse word?
"Bitch". I especially love calling men this.
6. What sound or noise do you love?
I love the sound that I hear when it's snowed in Oregon, and I go outside into the street, and everything is muffled and quiet... I love the sound of... air, I guess!
7. What sound or noise do you hate?
I hate the sound of buzzers, beepers, and superflous alarms. I don't need a damn alarm to tell me that my seatbelt isn't buckled yet. I don't need an alarm in my office to tell me when the door is open. Oddly enough, I don't mind the alarm to get up in the morning, that serves a legitamate purpose, but it seems there's buzzers, beepers, and noise makers on every damn thing these days.
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
I guess I'd try to be a writer. Maybe an auto mechanic?
9. What profession would you not like to do?
I could never be a server, or wait tables. I just don't have the demeanor for it.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
"Hmmmm..." *peers down at me, stroking chin thoughfully* *looks down at the book of life, up at me, down at the book again, and back to me slowly* "Well...." "Hmmmmm....." "Oh.... alright, I guess."
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Anticipation
So right now, I'm living my life for a phone call.
I interviewed for a new job last week. It went really really well. I felt like I'd fit in well at the program, and that I'd be able to perform the job well. I'm friends with someone who works there, ans was able to use them for a recommendation, so I've got an "IN". It's a significant pay raise, a move to a day shift, and it's in line with my educational pursuits. So now all I have to do is get the news that I've got the job, eh? I can't wait! And yet, waiting is exactly what I am having to do.
So I carry my cell phone with my like it's a rosary. Alpha and Omega, amen.
Everytime someone calls I have to pretend that I'm not disappointed that they're not who I'm hoping will call.
Everyone's saying, "oh, I'm sure you got it..." and I'm sure I got it too... how could they not pick me? I felt really good about the interview and all the answers I gave and my comprehension of their program goals... but sureity doesn't help the waiting. Tomorrow will have been a week, they called my references on Monday, so it could come any day now. I've never been good at the waiting game, which is surprising considering that I'm actually a patient person in most respects. I have held off posting since I knew I was going to have this big news and such, and yet it hasn't come. Perhaps I've invoked it by writing about waiting for it today, and lo, it will happen tomorrow!
If only.
I interviewed for a new job last week. It went really really well. I felt like I'd fit in well at the program, and that I'd be able to perform the job well. I'm friends with someone who works there, ans was able to use them for a recommendation, so I've got an "IN". It's a significant pay raise, a move to a day shift, and it's in line with my educational pursuits. So now all I have to do is get the news that I've got the job, eh? I can't wait! And yet, waiting is exactly what I am having to do.
So I carry my cell phone with my like it's a rosary. Alpha and Omega, amen.
Everytime someone calls I have to pretend that I'm not disappointed that they're not who I'm hoping will call.
Everyone's saying, "oh, I'm sure you got it..." and I'm sure I got it too... how could they not pick me? I felt really good about the interview and all the answers I gave and my comprehension of their program goals... but sureity doesn't help the waiting. Tomorrow will have been a week, they called my references on Monday, so it could come any day now. I've never been good at the waiting game, which is surprising considering that I'm actually a patient person in most respects. I have held off posting since I knew I was going to have this big news and such, and yet it hasn't come. Perhaps I've invoked it by writing about waiting for it today, and lo, it will happen tomorrow!
If only.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Wedding Bands
So I got the wedding band I ordered in the mail today. It was made in France in 1876, and is actually two rings that fit together, puzzle fashion. It looks really good and is shiny like a new ring, not one that's 130 years old. I ordered it from an antiques dealer in Amsterdam, and they got it here in like 3 days! Isn't modern transport mind boggling?
Monday, October 03, 2005
Firefly: Serenity
"As is often true of fantasy/sci-fi themed shows that get cancelled, the rabid fans of Firefly, who'd dubbed themselves "brown-coats," protested the network's decision. They also bought DVDs, lots of them, selling three times the amount they were supposed to sell; there was clearly a market. Universal cagily picked up on this and gave the series a second chance, this time as a feature film.
In Firefly a band of mercenaries survive on the fringes of civilized space. It is five hundred years in the future and the galaxy has just ended a brutal civil war. The captain of the ship "Serenity" is Malcolm "Mal" Reynolds and he was on the losing side of the conflict against the totalitarian pan-galactic government called the Alliance, which sought unification and harmony among all the planets, at any cost.
Also on the losing side was Mal's second-in-command, Zoe, who owes the captain her life, which she repays with fierce loyalty. Zoe's husband, Wash, is more laid-back, even though he has the stressful task of piloting the ship. Kaylee is the perpetually vivacious, engineer and Jayne is a mercenary with very little loyalty to anyone at all. On the show they ended up bringing along a brother and sister in their travels, Simon, a secretive doctor and River, a psychically gifted young woman whose physical and mental talents are such that she is considered a dangerous weapon and a threat to the stability of the galaxy.
Serenity starts out with a little back-story as Simon frees River from an Alliance deprogramming center. Almost immediately they are being tracked by the relentless Alliance Operative. He will stop at nothing to get River back, since it turns out holding a psychic in a secret naughty government installation could be a bad idea... she somehow knows some deep, dark governmental secret, though neither she nor Simon has a clue as to what it may be.
The Operative is so ruthless that it becomes evident that harboring River has become prohibitively expensive for the crew of "Serenity." As they scrape by, from friendly port to friendly port, they realize they may have to go to the edge of the known universe, through the vicious race of cannibals called the Reavers, to get themselves out of their current jamb. All of this is thrown at the uninitiated viewer as if they should know what a Reaver is, or that the next port they're going to is safe for them. The interplay among the characters feels comfortable, as small reactions tell of entire histories (or at least a season's worth of association).Part of the fun is connecting the dots."
-IMDB review, slightly edited and paraphrased.
I was a huge Firefly fan, and between Firefly, Futurama, and Family Guy, I'm convinced Fox couldn't manage their way out of a paper bag. Such complete bungling of some of the best shows on TV, while they push another season of the latest Paris Hilton shit on us... sigh, I have to go take my blood pressure medicine.
Go see the movie. It's witty and cool. River kicks a whole lot of ass.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
They're animals.
I have to kill some time here at work before I go home. It's friday night, which if you're like me and the night dude at a swanky downtown apartment complex, means the parade of frat boys and women made up like hoes going out to hit da club. They all leave between 8 and 10, then come back between 1 and 4 in various states of sobriety. Some bring people with them (you think I'm just the office dude, but hey, I notice when you've brought home 4 different guys in two weeks), and some come home in packs.
I wondered about this for a while. It's never really been my scene. Are these people really expecting to meet someone when they're out there dressed like someone they're not acting like someone they're not. How are you supposed to find love in a bar? It's silly.
I wondered about this for a while. It's never really been my scene. Are these people really expecting to meet someone when they're out there dressed like someone they're not acting like someone they're not. How are you supposed to find love in a bar? It's silly.
Monday, September 26, 2005
New Layout, pt II : Electric Boogaloo
Okay, I ditched the other new layout as it was too much like one of my other friend's blogs. I decided to go external from the regular blogger templates and forge a new path. I'll see if I like this enough tomorrow to stick with.
New Layout
So, I'm toying around with a new layout and all that jazz. Questions? Complaints? I don't care.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Puerco Pibil
Robert Rodriguez is the freaking man. He directed Sin City, Desperado, Spy Kids, and several other films. On the DVD of his film, Once Upon A Time In Mexico, features a "Ten Minute Cooking School" because, as he puts it, not knowing how to cook is like not knowing how to... er, make sweet love to a woman. You're going to be eating for the rest of your life, so you might as well eat well. Specifically, the recipe he demonstrates is for a dish called puerco pibil, a slow-roasted pork item ordered by Johnny Depp in the movie (a dish that tastes so good it inspires him to kill the cook). In the cooking school he shows you how to make the dish. So I made it too.
Puerco (or Conchinita) Pibil
Ingredients:
5 Tbs. annato seeds
2 Tbs. salt
1 Tbs. peppercorns
8 whole allspice
2 tsp. cumin
1/2 tsp. whole cloves
8 garlic cloves, minced
2 habañeros (deveined, seeds removed)
1/2 cup orange juice
1/2 cup white vinegar
juice of 5 lemons
splash of tequila
5 lb. pork butt, cut into 2" cubes
1 lb. banana leaves (or foil if you can't find banana leaves)
You're also going to want to buy a coffee grinder ($15-20 at your local Kmart or Target) to grind up and pulverize the seed form spices. I cannot emphasize enough how cool and easy it was to make powdered fresh spices from the whole seeds. Took me a while to find Achiote, eventually locating it in Safeway in the hispanic food isle with the cheapo bags of spices... ironically enough, two hispanic groceries I went to did NOT have Achiote.
So you grind up all the spices together (takes 30 sec with a grinder, hours with mortar and pestle) Then you combine the powder, juice, vinegar, peppers, garlic, tequilla, and lemon squeezins in a blender. Then cut the pork ( I use boneless lean country ribs) into 2" cubes and marinate them in the Achiote mixture you've created. Then line a 9x13 pan with leaves and/or foil, dump pork mixture on top of it, and cook for FOUR hours at 325. When it's done, you'll be in heaven. Serve over rice.
Puerco (or Conchinita) Pibil
Ingredients:
5 Tbs. annato seeds
2 Tbs. salt
1 Tbs. peppercorns
8 whole allspice
2 tsp. cumin
1/2 tsp. whole cloves
8 garlic cloves, minced
2 habañeros (deveined, seeds removed)
1/2 cup orange juice
1/2 cup white vinegar
juice of 5 lemons
splash of tequila
5 lb. pork butt, cut into 2" cubes
1 lb. banana leaves (or foil if you can't find banana leaves)
You're also going to want to buy a coffee grinder ($15-20 at your local Kmart or Target) to grind up and pulverize the seed form spices. I cannot emphasize enough how cool and easy it was to make powdered fresh spices from the whole seeds. Took me a while to find Achiote, eventually locating it in Safeway in the hispanic food isle with the cheapo bags of spices... ironically enough, two hispanic groceries I went to did NOT have Achiote.
So you grind up all the spices together (takes 30 sec with a grinder, hours with mortar and pestle) Then you combine the powder, juice, vinegar, peppers, garlic, tequilla, and lemon squeezins in a blender. Then cut the pork ( I use boneless lean country ribs) into 2" cubes and marinate them in the Achiote mixture you've created. Then line a 9x13 pan with leaves and/or foil, dump pork mixture on top of it, and cook for FOUR hours at 325. When it's done, you'll be in heaven. Serve over rice.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
New Car!
So, after some hemming and hawing and a bit of searching and options weighing... I finally replaced the Pillager (my old Merc Villager which gave up the ghost a little over a month ago). The new car is a 2005 Ford Escape, which is a small suv that gets pretty decent mileage and has pretty reliable scores. You all know I'd much prefer something classic and beaten... but I also need something reliable for the next few years. I like the color (charcoal grey), and the fact that it has 4wd and discs at all four corners. Oddly enough, since it only has a 6 disc CD changer and no casette, I'll have to find an alternative method of connecting my Ipod to it. I also got it at a VERY good price (about $6,000 under blue book), and a good deal is always hard to pass up. It looks exactly like this:
Now all I need to do is thing of a name for it. Suggestions?
Now all I need to do is thing of a name for it. Suggestions?
Monday, September 12, 2005
Truth
"Dear Tom Cruise,
Your lack of belief in the existence of clinical depression tells me one thing: you didn’t spend $10. to see War Of The Worlds. If vitamins can possibly help me out of this spiraling funk, please let me know which ones. Dinos? Pebbles? Freds? Please, I’m crying out for help."
- Alton Brown, Food Network host
Your lack of belief in the existence of clinical depression tells me one thing: you didn’t spend $10. to see War Of The Worlds. If vitamins can possibly help me out of this spiraling funk, please let me know which ones. Dinos? Pebbles? Freds? Please, I’m crying out for help."
- Alton Brown, Food Network host
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Monday, August 29, 2005
Yeah, that was me...
So, David Haines. I haven't seen you in about eleven or twelve years, and there you were across from me at Starbucks. I was inside with the fiance, and you were outside having a smoke (I thought you were planning on being a doctor, tsk-tsk). We were about three or four feet apart, though separated by glass. I don't blame you for not reconizing me, though. I'm about 75 lbs heavier than I was in high school, an inch or two taller, I have a beard now, and my hair is about a foot longer. Even some of my old BYU friends don't recognize me now. I'm sorry I didn't jump up, run outside and say hello to you, I wanted to finish my beverage first. Before I could, you got up and walked away, then got into your BMW 5 series and drove off. Of course I thought about how we used to hang in high school, and some of the people we used to run with, like Jeff, and Paul, and John... and things that happened, all the typical high school drama. It seemed important then, I guess.
All I remember now is how prideful and smart we all thought we were, and how smart we really weren't. I guess for me half of it was faking it. I acted like I was confident, even cocky, and never showed that I was afraid of being a loser. I'd have rather been called an arrogant jerk than a loser any day. I'd have rather been thought to be promiscuous than thought to be undesirable. So much time wasted in worrying about what you thought, Dave, or what others though about me. So much time saying or pretending that I didn't, when the truth was quite different. I'm sure I wasn't a very good actor then. I'm even worse now. I think that might be why I decided to give the whole authenticity thing a try.
Did you conquer the world? Did any of us? We all thought we were such hot shit because we were in IB, or had school come easy to us, or could read Thoreau and understand it before we were old enough to get drafted. I already knew I was going to be out of town for my 10th year high school reunion that was taking place in two days, but this little bit of karma was totally unexpected. I'm kind of sorry I didn't jump up and go say hi or something... but after you'd left I realized... after a few years of saying I didn't care about what happened in high school, and saying that none of it mattered... somehow it became so. I haven't thought about high school in a long time. After you left, I turned to my fiance and said, "I'll have to tell you about high school and my friends sometime..."
Then again, maybe I won't.
All I remember now is how prideful and smart we all thought we were, and how smart we really weren't. I guess for me half of it was faking it. I acted like I was confident, even cocky, and never showed that I was afraid of being a loser. I'd have rather been called an arrogant jerk than a loser any day. I'd have rather been thought to be promiscuous than thought to be undesirable. So much time wasted in worrying about what you thought, Dave, or what others though about me. So much time saying or pretending that I didn't, when the truth was quite different. I'm sure I wasn't a very good actor then. I'm even worse now. I think that might be why I decided to give the whole authenticity thing a try.
Did you conquer the world? Did any of us? We all thought we were such hot shit because we were in IB, or had school come easy to us, or could read Thoreau and understand it before we were old enough to get drafted. I already knew I was going to be out of town for my 10th year high school reunion that was taking place in two days, but this little bit of karma was totally unexpected. I'm kind of sorry I didn't jump up and go say hi or something... but after you'd left I realized... after a few years of saying I didn't care about what happened in high school, and saying that none of it mattered... somehow it became so. I haven't thought about high school in a long time. After you left, I turned to my fiance and said, "I'll have to tell you about high school and my friends sometime..."
Then again, maybe I won't.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Pron for Poe
once upon a midnight dreary,
while i pron surfed, weak and weary,
over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot xxx galore'.
While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark,
suddenly there came a warning,
and my heart was filled with mourning,
mourning for my dear amour,
" 'Tis not possible!", i muttered,
" give me back my free hardcore!"
..... quoth the server, 404!
while i pron surfed, weak and weary,
over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot xxx galore'.
While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark,
suddenly there came a warning,
and my heart was filled with mourning,
mourning for my dear amour,
" 'Tis not possible!", i muttered,
" give me back my free hardcore!"
..... quoth the server, 404!
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Why we do performance art
It seems like after every performance art night we have, we look at each other differently. It makes sense because we've changed our worlds.
We want to connect
but it's not cool
it's not cool to connect
if we wanted to be cool we'd talk about our clothes or mtv
or we'd try to be hipster cool and talk about how uncool other people's clothes or mtv are.
so why are we afraid to really go get what we want
why are we afraid to do what we want... connect?
We want to connect
but it's not cool
it's not cool to connect
if we wanted to be cool we'd talk about our clothes or mtv
or we'd try to be hipster cool and talk about how uncool other people's clothes or mtv are.
so why are we afraid to really go get what we want
why are we afraid to do what we want... connect?
Thursday, August 04, 2005
...there is an equal and opposite reaction.
So as it turns out, the car not starting the other night was because the camshaft got broken. After being told that it would be a $5700 repair, naturally I direected them toward the hairiest and fattest parts of my ass they outght to be kissing. So now I have a new house, a new wife to be, and I need to get a new car. Alas poor gigmobile, I knew ye.
So...
So here's the thing. The ring I had ordered arrived, and about an hour ago, I asked Audrey to marry me. She said yes (terribly decent of her), and so we'll be getting hitched in November.
Crazy, eh?
Crazy, eh?
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Let’s get real, let’s get heavy, till the water breaks the levee
So... In continuing with my violation of Iron-blog policies, I have had many developments in my love life as of late. Well, it's not usually my style to announce this kind of thing... but I seem to be dating someone. Her name is Audrey, she had anime hair, and I am quite smitten... what can I say. I guess I could simply quote Prince and say,
"Let's go crazy
Let's get nuts
Look 4 the purple banana
'Till they put us in the truck, let's go! "
She used to have anime hair, now it's more of a pixie-pigtail look. We got back together some months ago... and things have just kind of kept going and going. I wasn't really at a place in life where I expected to find love again (then again, what do any of us really get what we expect out of life, eh?) So preparations are being made, though things aren't "official" yet. What the deuce does "official" mean, anyway? I guess my Pa was right: "If there ain't no ring, it ain't no thang".
Well then. We'll just have to see about that, eh?
"Let's go crazy
Let's get nuts
Look 4 the purple banana
'Till they put us in the truck, let's go! "
She used to have anime hair, now it's more of a pixie-pigtail look. We got back together some months ago... and things have just kind of kept going and going. I wasn't really at a place in life where I expected to find love again (then again, what do any of us really get what we expect out of life, eh?) So preparations are being made, though things aren't "official" yet. What the deuce does "official" mean, anyway? I guess my Pa was right: "If there ain't no ring, it ain't no thang".
Well then. We'll just have to see about that, eh?
Monday, August 01, 2005
Real Life, Real Problems
I think one reason I haven't written as much in this lately is because I've been exploring newer forms of artistic creation. Another is that there's a LOT of real life things going on right now with the move and the love life... and I promised I wouldn't make this blog a life travelogue.
For now, I'm recinding that. It's for an odd reason why, though.
I have sleep apnea. Well, I'm not officially diagnosed, but I'm in the middle of having a bunch of tests done and waiting to schedule a sleep study. For the uninformed, sleep apnea is s sleeping disorder In my case, it's been getting worse.
It's 6:15 am now. I haven't been able to sleep for more than a half an hour at a go tonight. I keep nodding off at the keyboard. I can't keep living this way. I'm so tired all the TIME. Anyway, I'm gonna crash for a BIT.
For now, I'm recinding that. It's for an odd reason why, though.
I have sleep apnea. Well, I'm not officially diagnosed, but I'm in the middle of having a bunch of tests done and waiting to schedule a sleep study. For the uninformed, sleep apnea is s sleeping disorder In my case, it's been getting worse.
"People with sleep apnea stop breathing for 10 to 30 seconds at a time while they are sleeping. These short stops in breathing can happen up to 400 times every night! If you have sleep apnea, the periods of not breathing may make you wake up from deep sleep. If you are waking up all night long, you aren't getting enough rest from your sleep.
There are two kinds of sleep apnea: obstructive apnea and central apnea. Obstructive sleep apnea is the most common type. Nine out of 10 people with sleep apnea have this type of apnea. If you have obstructive apnea, something is blocking the passage or windpipe (called the trachea) that brings air into your body. You keep trying to breathe, but you can't get enough air because of the blockage. Your windpipe might be blocked by your tongue, tonsils or uvula (the little piece of flesh that hangs down in the back of your throat). It might also be blocked by a large amount of fatty tissue in the throat or even by relaxed throat muscle"It's 6:15 am now. I haven't been able to sleep for more than a half an hour at a go tonight. I keep nodding off at the keyboard. I can't keep living this way. I'm so tired all the TIME. Anyway, I'm gonna crash for a BIT.
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Hello friends,
James, Audrey, Kristin, Pete, and Paul are moving in to our cool new art house and we want you to come warm it up and break it in with us. We'll be gathering everyone we know to come and have an art experience with us and our good friend Emily Potter will be back in Portland to help make it magical. We have a vision of music, performance art, food, and excellent company and we need you to be there. Here are the particulars:
When: Sunday, August 14th at 6:30. (Performances will start at 8)
Where: 1505 SE Haig St. in Portland
What to bring: Meat to BBQ (or non-meat for the veggies) and a side dish (chips, drink, etc.)
We will provide plates, silverware, and cups.
There is an opportunity to be a part of an amazing performance too; we need as many volunteers as we can get to create an experience that everyone will remember. The time commitment will be very minimal (seriously, a few minutes) and you don't need any special skills to help out so don't hesitate to be a part of the magic! If you're interested, let me know ASAP.
If others would like to perform, we can facilitate that as well. Let me know what you have in mind and we see if we can make it happen.
When: Sunday, August 14th at 6:30. (Performances will start at 8)
Where: 1505 SE Haig St. in Portland
What to bring: Meat to BBQ (or non-meat for the veggies) and a side dish (chips, drink, etc.)
We will provide plates, silverware, and cups.
There is an opportunity to be a part of an amazing performance too; we need as many volunteers as we can get to create an experience that everyone will remember. The time commitment will be very minimal (seriously, a few minutes) and you don't need any special skills to help out so don't hesitate to be a part of the magic! If you're interested, let me know ASAP.
If others would like to perform, we can facilitate that as well. Let me know what you have in mind and we see if we can make it happen.
Please bring anyone you like!
See you there,
Us
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
So, the new Harry Potter book...
Yeah, ripped through it over the weekend. Overall, I liked it. I think this one is a lot more movie friendly than the last two books. I also really like how the characters are really growing up. My sister is 14, so about two years younger than the Potter gang, and I bet it's cool to have them basically growing up alongside her. My one big prediction for the book came true (more on this later) But on the other hand as far as suprises go, NOBODY could have seen THIS coming:
Yeah... I know, I'm going to hell (again).
Yeah... I know, I'm going to hell (again).
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Noooo, it's not your time yet!
So my computer decided to squat down, crap it's proverbial guts all over my desk, and expire. Fortunately I have recently bought an ipod, so I had all of my music backed up. This freed me into going for the more drastic solution. So today I jacked the ol girl on up. Some pokin, prodding, a complete format and reinstall later, and things seem to be healthy and back to normal. Nothing like ripping it apart and building it back up again to sort things out with a computer.
On another note, I finished the new Harry Potter pook yesterday... good times.
On a final note, I have gotten a lot of mail and messages asking if I was one of the people who had hooked up in my last post. Answer: no.. but yes. I hooked up back in May... and things have progressed completely wonderfully. I'm happier beyond words to have real love back in my life with someone who cares about me for me, not the attention I give her, and is interesting in understanding the real me.
On another note, I finished the new Harry Potter pook yesterday... good times.
On a final note, I have gotten a lot of mail and messages asking if I was one of the people who had hooked up in my last post. Answer: no.. but yes. I hooked up back in May... and things have progressed completely wonderfully. I'm happier beyond words to have real love back in my life with someone who cares about me for me, not the attention I give her, and is interesting in understanding the real me.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Come and face the change...
Well, obviously I'm making a few changes around these parts. I thought a fresh new color scheme, as well as a nickname consolidation (as no one really calls me Adub anymore) would be prudent. Please bear with me in case there are technical difficulties.
Also, all comments have been lost as a result of the switch... all apologies.
Also, all comments have been lost as a result of the switch... all apologies.
Monday, July 11, 2005
The end is the beginning is the end.
Man, what is it in the water here in July? My friends seem to be hooking up left and right!
Thursday, July 07, 2005
New robot learns to play guitar, searches for Sarah Connor.
Check this out: Guitar playing robot
Wouldn't it be more useful to create robots that perform automation on things that humans don't actually like doing. Why are they even working on this when there are tons of jobs, like mowing the lawn or walking the dog for example, that I would love a robot / computer to do for me, so i could spend time practicing the guitar on my own.
And In other news, still no cure for cancer.
Wouldn't it be more useful to create robots that perform automation on things that humans don't actually like doing. Why are they even working on this when there are tons of jobs, like mowing the lawn or walking the dog for example, that I would love a robot / computer to do for me, so i could spend time practicing the guitar on my own.
And In other news, still no cure for cancer.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Still warm the blood that courses through these veins.
So here's the thing. I have two jobs.
I just started working as a counselor in a rehab facility for adolescents. It's way fun, and very fulfilling (thus far). I make a little better money and have insurance at my old job managing apartments. So, what did I do? Kept them both, of course. 72-80 hour work weeks are something I have done before, but there are other concerns involved at this moment as well.
Suprisingly, almost two months later, it hasn't killed me. I've learned a lot about what my body needs, what it's capable of, and what can help it go. I learned I don't have to get enough sleep for the next 20 hours... just enough for the next 8. I tend to sleep twice a day now, and the total amount is about the same as I used to get, occasionally more. I have learned that eating a little less and drinking more water helps me get through a day better. And I've learned that paychecks from two jobs is better than one.
I just started working as a counselor in a rehab facility for adolescents. It's way fun, and very fulfilling (thus far). I make a little better money and have insurance at my old job managing apartments. So, what did I do? Kept them both, of course. 72-80 hour work weeks are something I have done before, but there are other concerns involved at this moment as well.
Suprisingly, almost two months later, it hasn't killed me. I've learned a lot about what my body needs, what it's capable of, and what can help it go. I learned I don't have to get enough sleep for the next 20 hours... just enough for the next 8. I tend to sleep twice a day now, and the total amount is about the same as I used to get, occasionally more. I have learned that eating a little less and drinking more water helps me get through a day better. And I've learned that paychecks from two jobs is better than one.
Monday, June 06, 2005
But still the emptiness persists
Perhaps this is as good as it gets?
Though I've given up fighting, all my awful bad habits
And I try to live deliberately
Or at least with no regrets
Sometimes my life is beautiful
Sometimes I just can't bear it.
Yes is this as good as it gets.
I'm not as smart as I let on sometimes. Ever do something that you know isn't really that good an idea, but you want to do it anyway... and when it blows up in your face... you don't really have anyone but yourself to blame. And you sit down on a curb and say, "well, you're really quite pathetic, aren't you?" It's silly to do the same things and expect different results. It seems to be true that the more things change, the more they stay the same. I don't want it to be, but very rarely have things turned out how I wanted.
Oh yeah, happy birthday to me.
Perhaps this is as good as it gets?
Though I've given up fighting, all my awful bad habits
And I try to live deliberately
Or at least with no regrets
Sometimes my life is beautiful
Sometimes I just can't bear it.
Yes is this as good as it gets.
I'm not as smart as I let on sometimes. Ever do something that you know isn't really that good an idea, but you want to do it anyway... and when it blows up in your face... you don't really have anyone but yourself to blame. And you sit down on a curb and say, "well, you're really quite pathetic, aren't you?" It's silly to do the same things and expect different results. It seems to be true that the more things change, the more they stay the same. I don't want it to be, but very rarely have things turned out how I wanted.
Oh yeah, happy birthday to me.
Friday, June 03, 2005
Hair today, gone tomorrow.
So it's been a year since I last cut my hair. So I went over to a place on NW 21st and got a little trim. I doubt anyone will notice... they barely took any length off, just a little bit of thickness and got some things evened up. I also asked the girl what she thought I should do with it, and she said that I should keep growing it, definitely, because I have really pretty hair.
Pretty. Hair.
Some things that people say downright amuses me. I never knew I had pretty hair. I bet some people might expect me to be huffy and stuff about how guys can't be pretty, but hey, I'll take any type of compliment where I can get it. I've always thought my hair to be rather boring, but some people seem to like it, and I like that it's not the typical BYU thang. Which fits me better since I'm not the typical BYU thang any more myself.
Pretty. Hair.
Some things that people say downright amuses me. I never knew I had pretty hair. I bet some people might expect me to be huffy and stuff about how guys can't be pretty, but hey, I'll take any type of compliment where I can get it. I've always thought my hair to be rather boring, but some people seem to like it, and I like that it's not the typical BYU thang. Which fits me better since I'm not the typical BYU thang any more myself.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Right place, right time, never mind.
I remember reading somewhere that over 90% of americans believe that love is essential to their personal happiness. I'd be willing to bet that nearly every single one of them has a different definition of what love is. Plato said that loving someone is a way of appreciating the essence of beauty and goodness within that person. Then again, Dean Martin says that love is "whena the moon hits your eye likea big pizza pie". Maybe they both mean the same thing. Since we started scribbling on paper or drawing on cave walls, we've devoted more energy to defining the essence and spirit of love than almost anything else. Poems, plays, books, paintings, songs, pleading speeches below windows, tattoos we got when we were drunk. Love is perhaps the greatest of human preoccupations.
I love. I seem to be pretty poor at it. It either comes off as this wierd sort of loyal devotion, or this intense lustful codependancy. I've had short relationships, long relationships, passionate relationships, and platonic relationships, but I am now somewhat uncertain if I've had many good relationships. I've been so afraid of what the consequences of love might be that I don't know if I've been stunted or something in my heart's growth. Lately when the topic has arisen, I've kept the conversation factual or intellectual, and now I wonder if I'm denying my heart a voice at times. Nothing good ever came of making emotional scenes, right?
Still I wonder. If I don't really expect someone to be able to love me back... to REALLY love me back, what then do I expect out of life? Then again, maybe I'm fortunate that most people around me have issues of their own, and maybe the topic will stay just a bit under the surface. Maybe I'm lucky that I'm too scared to truly risk everything, because at least I'll never lose. Maybe it's better to be a man, and be content with what is real, and what is possible... and not keep wishing and refusing to admit to myself that I really do wish it. I don't know. Part of me feels like it's silly, and that I might as well accept that my... particular collection of attributes is a little too outlandish to find real love, and that good friendships can be almost as satisfying. Part of me still hopes that I can find the right things to say to unlock my heart and maybe someone else's. Part of me would like a real fruit smoothie.
I love. I seem to be pretty poor at it. It either comes off as this wierd sort of loyal devotion, or this intense lustful codependancy. I've had short relationships, long relationships, passionate relationships, and platonic relationships, but I am now somewhat uncertain if I've had many good relationships. I've been so afraid of what the consequences of love might be that I don't know if I've been stunted or something in my heart's growth. Lately when the topic has arisen, I've kept the conversation factual or intellectual, and now I wonder if I'm denying my heart a voice at times. Nothing good ever came of making emotional scenes, right?
Still I wonder. If I don't really expect someone to be able to love me back... to REALLY love me back, what then do I expect out of life? Then again, maybe I'm fortunate that most people around me have issues of their own, and maybe the topic will stay just a bit under the surface. Maybe I'm lucky that I'm too scared to truly risk everything, because at least I'll never lose. Maybe it's better to be a man, and be content with what is real, and what is possible... and not keep wishing and refusing to admit to myself that I really do wish it. I don't know. Part of me feels like it's silly, and that I might as well accept that my... particular collection of attributes is a little too outlandish to find real love, and that good friendships can be almost as satisfying. Part of me still hopes that I can find the right things to say to unlock my heart and maybe someone else's. Part of me would like a real fruit smoothie.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
A desire for peace.
I find myself remembering that my birthday is next week and I'm getting older. Well, I'm getting older every day (and yes, even dying a little every day, as a friend of mine says). Lately I have had time to reflect on how I am, how I was, and hope of what I may become. In some ways I have progressed and come a long way from where I was, and in others I am no further than I was two years ago. I remember when I was younger I would hope for graduation, for acceptance, for love... and as another year draws to a close, I find myself wishing for peace of mind, of heart, and perhaps of destiny above other more frivalous things. Another dear friend introduced me to this verse by Swinburne;
From too much love of living,
From hope and fear set free,
We thank with brief thanksgiving
Whatever gods may be
That no life lives for ever;
That dead men rise up never;
That even the weariest river
Winds somewhere safe to sea.
I must admit I wrote this whole entry so I could stare at that verse some more. There's something about it that captures my mind at the moment.
From too much love of living,
From hope and fear set free,
We thank with brief thanksgiving
Whatever gods may be
That no life lives for ever;
That dead men rise up never;
That even the weariest river
Winds somewhere safe to sea.
I must admit I wrote this whole entry so I could stare at that verse some more. There's something about it that captures my mind at the moment.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Becoming Effortless
I will begin with an illustration from the writing of Chuang-tse:
On his way back from the K'un-lun Mountains, the Yellow Emperor lost the dark pearl of Tao. He sent Knowledge to find it, but Knowledge was unable to understand it. He sent Distant Vision, but Distant Vision was unable to see it. He sent Eloquence, but Eloquence was unable to describe it.
Finally, he sent Empty Mind, and Empty Mind came back with the pearl.
Only in keeping the mind open and accepting things as they are, and not what I want to make of them, have I really made much progress in life, at least lately. I have found that I tend to find my way more when I act more effortlessly. What does it mean? The funny part is, I have better luck understanding it when I let it come to me.
On his way back from the K'un-lun Mountains, the Yellow Emperor lost the dark pearl of Tao. He sent Knowledge to find it, but Knowledge was unable to understand it. He sent Distant Vision, but Distant Vision was unable to see it. He sent Eloquence, but Eloquence was unable to describe it.
Finally, he sent Empty Mind, and Empty Mind came back with the pearl.
Only in keeping the mind open and accepting things as they are, and not what I want to make of them, have I really made much progress in life, at least lately. I have found that I tend to find my way more when I act more effortlessly. What does it mean? The funny part is, I have better luck understanding it when I let it come to me.
Friday, May 27, 2005
Coincidence?
I don't believe in coincidences. Especially when they start piling up. A few weeks ago, I was sitting at work, and a woman walked into my office and was holding some flowers. She said that someone had given them to her, but that she was allergic, and handed them to me. I put them in a little water, and thought about them. They were lilies, which happened to be the favorite flower of an ex of mine. We had done the friendship thing, but it had gone hot and cold, and seemed to be headed to permanantly superficial in the "hi, how are you, how's work?" sense. Then the phone rang. It was said ex, asking if she could come over and hang out with me at work (something we used to do a bit, but hadn't in months and months. So she came over, the flowers were a nice suprise, and we seemed to have a nice relaxed time just hanging out. Now, a month later, we're like peas and carrots again.
Last week I was at Saturday's market, and I noticed one of those artisan carving booths had the name of a friend of mine up on a plaque, a fairly non standard name at that. It was no suprise to literally run into her and her husband at guitar center that afternoon.
I was discussing these and other strange coincidences with a dear friend the other day, and she wondered if these kinds of things are always happening, and we're just not reflective enough to notice, or if there really are periods of greater confluence in our lives. I'm not sure. I've been doing my best to live my life with less analysis, and more immediacy.
Last week I was at Saturday's market, and I noticed one of those artisan carving booths had the name of a friend of mine up on a plaque, a fairly non standard name at that. It was no suprise to literally run into her and her husband at guitar center that afternoon.
I was discussing these and other strange coincidences with a dear friend the other day, and she wondered if these kinds of things are always happening, and we're just not reflective enough to notice, or if there really are periods of greater confluence in our lives. I'm not sure. I've been doing my best to live my life with less analysis, and more immediacy.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
All I really need to know, I learned in chick flicks.
The sad thing about all this is, I actually like chick flicks... but only some of them. I have now figured out that the chick flicks I DO like at least go through the motions of portraying men and women in something resembling realistic fashion. If I'm watching a girl movie, and the man is behaving in a manner that no sane sober male would, I can't connect to it, and end up throwing popcorn and making nasty remarks. So it is with tongue firmly planted in cheek that I give you the list of key relationship ideas I got from watching chick flicks.
1. You'll always meet someone by magic or random means. You can't meet the man of your dreams in a bar or at a party. It only happens either if he randomly shows up in your office, if he made some sort of bet about you, if he saved your life or from a fate worse than death, usually your psycho ex.
2. There's someone out there for everyone. Everyone is destined to find that one true love that they'll be completely happy with, apparently without having to actually work on maintaining a relationship. If you are alone, it can't possibly be because YOU need to work on anything, you just need to find someone who "gets" you.
3. In your search for love, always target schoolteachers, bartenders, widowers, or anyone who was once successful before hitting a stretch of bad luck. This way, when they finally turn their lives around or come into some money, they'll erroneously think that you were the reason.
4. If you're dating someone who is passionate about something, he will absolutely give that up for you because all men change once they fall in love. Never mind that the habits and passions he had are what made the person you fell in love with in the first place.
5. You can have only three friends: A smart friend who's pretty in a quirky way, a really hot friend who's kind of slutty and an overweight girl who doesn't say much. You can only hang out with these people all at once. If there's anyone in your life who doesn't fit one of those three categories, get rid of them.
6. Your boyfriend's friends only get in the way. The sooner you can destroy them, the better.
7. If you become pregnant, don't worry – you won't actually have the baby. It's just a temporary dilemma so you can break up for a month and he'll realize that he can't live without you – mainly because you helped him to get rid of all the other things he did.
8. If you're breaking up with the guy to prove a point, immediately find the best-looking guy in your office and invite him over to dinner, then hope the other guy shows up. When he shows up, he won't do anything vengeful like get drunk and hook up with the nearest bimbo. He'll simply stop shaving and showering until one of his friends goes over to his house to snap some sense into him.
9. When you finally get back together, make sure it happens in the goofiest place possible – whether it's a baseball stadium, the top of a skyscraper, a flower garden in central park (popular hangout for many a heterosexual male, believe you me).
10. Either you will end up living happily ever after, or you will find a deep friendship with a gay man that will end up being just as satisfying.
1. You'll always meet someone by magic or random means. You can't meet the man of your dreams in a bar or at a party. It only happens either if he randomly shows up in your office, if he made some sort of bet about you, if he saved your life or from a fate worse than death, usually your psycho ex.
2. There's someone out there for everyone. Everyone is destined to find that one true love that they'll be completely happy with, apparently without having to actually work on maintaining a relationship. If you are alone, it can't possibly be because YOU need to work on anything, you just need to find someone who "gets" you.
3. In your search for love, always target schoolteachers, bartenders, widowers, or anyone who was once successful before hitting a stretch of bad luck. This way, when they finally turn their lives around or come into some money, they'll erroneously think that you were the reason.
4. If you're dating someone who is passionate about something, he will absolutely give that up for you because all men change once they fall in love. Never mind that the habits and passions he had are what made the person you fell in love with in the first place.
5. You can have only three friends: A smart friend who's pretty in a quirky way, a really hot friend who's kind of slutty and an overweight girl who doesn't say much. You can only hang out with these people all at once. If there's anyone in your life who doesn't fit one of those three categories, get rid of them.
6. Your boyfriend's friends only get in the way. The sooner you can destroy them, the better.
7. If you become pregnant, don't worry – you won't actually have the baby. It's just a temporary dilemma so you can break up for a month and he'll realize that he can't live without you – mainly because you helped him to get rid of all the other things he did.
8. If you're breaking up with the guy to prove a point, immediately find the best-looking guy in your office and invite him over to dinner, then hope the other guy shows up. When he shows up, he won't do anything vengeful like get drunk and hook up with the nearest bimbo. He'll simply stop shaving and showering until one of his friends goes over to his house to snap some sense into him.
9. When you finally get back together, make sure it happens in the goofiest place possible – whether it's a baseball stadium, the top of a skyscraper, a flower garden in central park (popular hangout for many a heterosexual male, believe you me).
10. Either you will end up living happily ever after, or you will find a deep friendship with a gay man that will end up being just as satisfying.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
In time, even death itself might be abolished.
I was sending an email to a friend today, and I wrote, "Do you ever wonder if there is another time period you should have, or could have lived in? It's something my friend Dane and I used to talk about on occasion when I lived in Utah. My first major in college was in fact History, though I didn't stick with it for very long... but I've allways had a certain affinity for times long gone. "
It made me think of Sgt Barry Benson, a South Carolina veteran in the army of Northern Virgnia. And antecedant of mine. My family originally comes from all over the south, mostly Missouri. Bring Mormon, it always amuses me to hear accounts of pioneer ancestry, because there's more than a decent chance it was my own forefathers driving them out. Barry Benson enlisted in the Confederate army at the age of 18, three months before Sumter and served through Appomatox. (beginning to the end of the Civil War). So when he got around to composing his reminiscences and memoirs, he hoped his words would carry some weight with his decendants for a long time.
Reliving the war in words, he began to wish he could relive it in fact. And he came to believe that he and his fellow soliers, grey and blue, might one day be able to do just that. If not here on earth, then afterwards in Valhalla.
"Who knows," he asked as his narrative drew toward it's close.
"But it may be given to us after this life to meet again in the old quarter. Play chess and drafts and get up soon to answer the morning roll call. To fall in at the tap of the drum for drill and dress parade. And again to hastily don our war gear while the monotonous patter of a long roll summons to battle . Who knows but again the old flags ragged and torn, snapping in the wind may face each other in flutter pursuing and pursued, while the cries of victory fill a summer day. And after the battle, then the slain and wounded will arise and all will meet together under the two flags all sound and well. There will be talking and laughter and cheers and all will say, 'Did it not seem real? Was it not as in the old days?'"
What a thing it must be to look back on a life and have something so epic and glorious in it. There's no undiscovered country for me to discover or new land to tame, now. Perhaps I should have indeed been born in a different time.
It made me think of Sgt Barry Benson, a South Carolina veteran in the army of Northern Virgnia. And antecedant of mine. My family originally comes from all over the south, mostly Missouri. Bring Mormon, it always amuses me to hear accounts of pioneer ancestry, because there's more than a decent chance it was my own forefathers driving them out. Barry Benson enlisted in the Confederate army at the age of 18, three months before Sumter and served through Appomatox. (beginning to the end of the Civil War). So when he got around to composing his reminiscences and memoirs, he hoped his words would carry some weight with his decendants for a long time.
Reliving the war in words, he began to wish he could relive it in fact. And he came to believe that he and his fellow soliers, grey and blue, might one day be able to do just that. If not here on earth, then afterwards in Valhalla.
"Who knows," he asked as his narrative drew toward it's close.
"But it may be given to us after this life to meet again in the old quarter. Play chess and drafts and get up soon to answer the morning roll call. To fall in at the tap of the drum for drill and dress parade. And again to hastily don our war gear while the monotonous patter of a long roll summons to battle . Who knows but again the old flags ragged and torn, snapping in the wind may face each other in flutter pursuing and pursued, while the cries of victory fill a summer day. And after the battle, then the slain and wounded will arise and all will meet together under the two flags all sound and well. There will be talking and laughter and cheers and all will say, 'Did it not seem real? Was it not as in the old days?'"
What a thing it must be to look back on a life and have something so epic and glorious in it. There's no undiscovered country for me to discover or new land to tame, now. Perhaps I should have indeed been born in a different time.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Setec Astronomy
Like some, I recently found the blog of secrets, located at
http://postsecret.blogspot.com
It's a blog where people send in a postcard with writing or artwork describing a secret they have. Naturally, I started thinking about secrets of my own. I have a lot. Most people would agree that I wear my heart on my sleeve quite a bit, and I suppose that would lead one to think that they know all their is to know about me, which I generally suppose is the point. I'm open about a lot of things because life's to short to be misunderstood... but the things I don't talk about, I keep quiet about because I don't want you to know.
What would my card look like? What would yours?
http://postsecret.blogspot.com
It's a blog where people send in a postcard with writing or artwork describing a secret they have. Naturally, I started thinking about secrets of my own. I have a lot. Most people would agree that I wear my heart on my sleeve quite a bit, and I suppose that would lead one to think that they know all their is to know about me, which I generally suppose is the point. I'm open about a lot of things because life's to short to be misunderstood... but the things I don't talk about, I keep quiet about because I don't want you to know.
What would my card look like? What would yours?
Friday, February 25, 2005
So someone asked me...
I was asked "what movies would you say I HAVE to see?" by a friend the other day. I thought about it a bit, and decided there's no accounting for your taste, and told you to piss off. Now I think about it some more, and I think I will make a little list of movies that I treasure a lot. I admit, I like me some wierd trade, but if you're a Titanic and Princess Bride type, that's all well and good for you. I love film as art, so I tend to like headier wierder things.
So, with no further adieu, here's my...
LIST OF MOVIES THAT FEED MY MIND...
Garden State
Donnie Darko
Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
The Hours
I Heart Huckabees
Clerks
Good Will Hunting
Memento
Spirited Away
BEAUTIFUL MOVIES...(style baby, style)
Hero
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
The Ring
The Matrix
What Dreams May Come
Ghost In The Shell 1&2
CLASSICS... The good do not die young!
2001: A Space Odyssey
Harold and Maude
Kramer vs Kramer
The Dirty Dozen
My Fair Lady
Enter The Dragon
Apocalypse Now
Yes, I know it's a fairly pedestrian topic for a blog post, but I put it on here so that I can refer to it later. And the month difference between my last post and the current date was starting to make me feel guilty.
So, with no further adieu, here's my...
LIST OF MOVIES THAT FEED MY MIND...
Garden State
Donnie Darko
Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
The Hours
I Heart Huckabees
Clerks
Good Will Hunting
Memento
Spirited Away
BEAUTIFUL MOVIES...(style baby, style)
Hero
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
The Ring
The Matrix
What Dreams May Come
Ghost In The Shell 1&2
CLASSICS... The good do not die young!
2001: A Space Odyssey
Harold and Maude
Kramer vs Kramer
The Dirty Dozen
My Fair Lady
Enter The Dragon
Apocalypse Now
Yes, I know it's a fairly pedestrian topic for a blog post, but I put it on here so that I can refer to it later. And the month difference between my last post and the current date was starting to make me feel guilty.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
I'm wierd, aren't I? Growing up I was a little bit of a nerd, then a really big one in high school, and now... just quirky. I don't care about the same things other people do, I suppose. I'm more interested in art, music, and a good book than American Idol. I guess I got caught up a lot in the being a good Latter Day Saint and getting married and making babies... but now that I'm a little removed from it, I don't know that I can honestly say I care that much about it. I mean, I guess I'm worried about being alone, but maybe that's not the same thing. I worry about living a life of quiet desperation. I worry about surrounding myself with people who care about things and like creating and exploring more than pretending they're something that they aren't. When I find people like that, I work desperately to try and make them love me, like it's going to replace the understanding that I have never really gotten from my family. I wonder sometimes what people in my Utah wards thought of me. I did my best to fit in most of the time. I think I was more tolerated than appreciated, but I guess we take what we can get in a pinch, no?
I'll share a secret with you though. Maybe I'm not scared about not getting married or being a good Mormon, but I am scared about being wrong about what's interesting and important to center my life around. I moved back to Portland because I wanted to live deliberately, in a manner of my own choosing. Not more evil or more unconstrained by rules... just... different. I'm not Brian, David Snow... or even Granger. I couldn't be if I wanted to. I guess I'm scared that they're on the right path to being happy, and I'm on the right path to... be wierd.
I'll share a secret with you though. Maybe I'm not scared about not getting married or being a good Mormon, but I am scared about being wrong about what's interesting and important to center my life around. I moved back to Portland because I wanted to live deliberately, in a manner of my own choosing. Not more evil or more unconstrained by rules... just... different. I'm not Brian, David Snow... or even Granger. I couldn't be if I wanted to. I guess I'm scared that they're on the right path to being happy, and I'm on the right path to... be wierd.
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
I haven't cut my hair since last June or so, coming up on about seven months now. I don't know how long it will be before I cut it again. It has become wild, unruly, and completely impossible to control or manage. I revel in it's chaos, I suppose. All of my friends seem to love it, which is good. I think what I like about it the most is that it IS different. When I used to get haircuts I always would end up coming away from it disappointed. After every haircut I look more or less the same, only with shorter hair. I've even gone in and said "suprise me, do something totally different than I've ever had!" and at the end, more of the same.
Sunday, January 09, 2005
Moving time
Yes, yes, I know I haven't updated. Yes, yes, I know I'm a slacker. Lay off, willya? The holidays were nice, filled with ups and downs. One bit of news is that I've moved to new digs. I'm living with my friends Brian and Rich, and while I have a certain apprehension for the unknown, I think it will be a fun good happy joyjoy place to be.
There isn't really a huge reason why I've not updated, but most of my news and events from the last month are personal (friends, family, illnesses) and the sort of thing I promised I wouldn't fill my blog with.
There isn't really a huge reason why I've not updated, but most of my news and events from the last month are personal (friends, family, illnesses) and the sort of thing I promised I wouldn't fill my blog with.
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